Come Back To Me
by LiLJiLL4286
Summary: This is the story of two decisions. Decisions thought to be the right ones at the time but ended up destroying lives in the process. He had made a deal with the devil. She had fled like a frightened mouse. Only after she left did she make the mistake that would face her everyday. Every night she would pray to forget. He would pray that she would remember. This is their story.
1. Chapter 1

_All the lonely people_

_Where do they all come from?_

_All the lonely people_

_Where do they all belong?_

_- Eleanor Rigby, The Beatles_

Life doesn't have a playbook to follow while navigating through its wild terrain. Most people, with the exception of some, find out the hard way that life and the choices made throughout are not black and white or cut and dry. Choices and mistakes are considered common occurrences and happen on a daily basis. People are given the responsibility of making choices and decisions since birth so it is almost inevitable that someone, somewhere will ultimately choose wrong. No one ever really knows just how wrong a decision could be until after it has already been made. Perhaps what defines a person is not how often he or she makes mistakes, or the caliber of the mistake, but how one chooses to rise above and rectify the situation.

Neither of them were prepared for the consequences of their actions.

Realistically, how could two people in the throes of young love be aware of just how monumental this mistake would become? How could they possibly know that their actions would set off a series of unfortunate events? They weren't psychics that could predict the future. They were just in love.

This is the story of two decisions. Two decisions that were thought to be the right ones at the time but ended up destroying lives in the process.

Like mistakes, change is inevitable. People have learned to adapt to change. People have the ability to heal over time, to grow and learn from previous encounters and come out stronger in the end. People can regain control of their lives if the will is strong enough.

She would come to know better than anyone that life most certainly goes on and sometimes the only way to survive from one day to the next would be to put on a brave face and stumble through. Deep down he was aware that life was happening everywhere around him but he was one of those people that did not adapt well to change, to a life of routine, hell to anything. He was one of those people that could not move on, could not let go of the biggest mistake he had ever made. And it haunted him.

He had made a deal with the devil and it had cost him everything.

She had fled like a frightened mouse. Only after she left did she make the mistake that would face her every day.

Unbeknownst to either of them, a single thought would flash across their minds. Even though their minds were thousands of miles apart, it would strike them at random times throughout the day. At the shopping mall. At work. On a morning jog. At the bottom of a glass bottle full of liquid courage. _'What if love could conquer all?'_

But as quickly as the thought invaded their minds, it would be gone, fleeting away like a butterfly that was just too fast and wild to be tamed.

Alone, they would each pray every night. Her in her cottage by the beach with the sunset splashing across her tears, him through the reflection of the rain soaked glass window near his bed. Every night she would pray to forget. He would pray that she would remember.

This is their story.


	2. Chapter 2

_"And now my life has changed in oh so many ways_

_My independence seems to vanish in the haze_

_But every now and then I feel so insecure_

_I know that I just need you like I've never done before."_

_- Help, The Beatles_

It was going to be a hot one. It was barely nine o'clock in the morning and the sun had already made its grand appearance in the center stage of the sky. It was going to be the kind of day where even air conditioning provided very little solace to the over worked and overheated people of the town. The beaches were already saturated with locals and tourists alike, each fighting to find the closest available parking spot to the refreshing water. It was a Thursday morning, and judging by the traffic alone, she knew many people had decided to start the weekend early. It was gridlock, as usual, and the morning coffee had not yet done its job. Inwardly, she thanked Kate for investing in a Keurig for the store employees and wondered how many seconds it would take between stepping first into her office and then pressing the Brew button on the sleek black coffee maker.

Morning radio was too loud for her on that Thursday morning, so she glanced over at the car next to her, deciding that people watching would have to be her morning entertainment to take her through the downtown traffic. Sometimes, when traffic was particularly dreadful, she would even map stories in her head about the lives of her fellow commuters. Would Sleek Black Saab learn how to remove her cell phone from her ear while driving or would she have to have it surgically removed? Red Convertible Mustang was sporting recently acquired hair plugs and he thought they were just fabulous, judging by how many looks he gave himself in his mirrors. Silver Honda Civic was reading the sports section of the local paper, and she noted that he would take a sip from his mug in the center console every few minutes. She wondered if the mug contained coffee, tea, or perhaps something with a little extra boost to get him through the day, or week. Disdainfully, she looked over the contents of her own car, including her reflection in the mirror, and wondered what other people watchers would be saying about her. She already knew it would be nothing extraordinary.

Inch by inch she made it downtown to her store and she thanked God that she had a working air conditioner in her car. She could only imagine the disaster it would be for her to show up to work every day drenched from the summer Florida heat. She was a professional; she had overworked herself and fought obstacles bigger than she could dream of, and she was determined to stay a professional. Not even temperatures in the triple digits or broken air conditioners could deter her from that. Twenty minutes later she was jogging her way into work in a pair of heels, mentally preparing herself for the day and the inevitable broken ankle.

"Nice of you to join us this morning," a voice called as she pushed her way into the store, the bell chiming as she flung the door open. "I almost thought you ditched off to Miami Beach."

"That's what I have you for, Kate," she replied with a laugh. "I stumble into work after battling the morning commute knowing that I have such a capable and dependable employee to open up for me. That's why you get paid the big bucks." She made her way over to the front desk where Kate was sitting, staring at her computer screen.

"Now when you say the "big bucks", are you referring to the teeny tiny little paycheck I have in my purse over there?" Kate turned her eyes to her and motioned with her head towards her purse. "Because let me tell you, that little thing is so light I'm surprised it hasn't started floating towards the ceiling yet." The two women laughed and chatted for a few minutes before the chaotic work day crept upon them.

Luckily Kate had already prayed to the Keurig Gods and there was a chilled cup of iced coffee waiting for her in her office. The first sip of liquid adrenaline made her forget about her hectic morning and commute instantly. She forgot that she had woken up twenty minutes later than normal and that her blow dryer had reached the end of its livelihood. She forgot that when she turned the key in the ignition her gas light popped on. She sat down in her office chair, and let all the thoughts of the morning melt away like the ice in her Hazelnut Heaven had moments before. The only thing she let stick in her mind was the hug and kiss she received before heading out of the house.

She would never let her mind forget that.

The blinds in her office were open and she took a moment to survey the world while her computer booted to life. She was fortunate, really, that her bookstore was located in the heart of the busy city. Her mentor, Charlotte, had told her years before when she was just a mere cashier that the key to any business was all about location, location, location. And when Charlotte had decided to follow her grandchildren to North Carolina, she dropped the keys into her open hands, and helped to pick her jaw off the floor.

_'Give yourself some credit,'_ Charlotte had admonished, pulling her into a deep hug. _'I have perfect faith in you, even if you don't. But you will, one day, and you'll thank me for it.' _

So the first thing she did was move the tiny and quaint bookstore downtown. She could swear that thousands of people walked by the store everyday and eventually, enough people actually came into the store to make it profitable and successful. They were living in a technological world of blogs and electronic books, and she was thankful that some people still held the belief that a tangible book with yellowed papers that smelled of the passage of time was not a dying entity.

The second thing she did was to allow the bookstore to become an interactive experience for every reader. If there was one thing she knew, readers made excellent writers. Her bookstore, Chapter Chat, was the first and only in the area that sold books of all genres and fan bases and held Book Clubs and Writing Clubs, as well as peer review sessions. Manager Kate and the other employees ran the front end of the store while she ran the show from the sidelines, behind the stage. It was her who booked the author signings, planned the themed monthly readings for the various book clubs that held their meetings in the conference room. It was her who met with the writing groups, offering a peer reviewed monthly workshop session for budding authors.

Perhaps this was what separated her store from others.

As much as she loved her job, the other more cautious side of her brain told her to land a part time gig, just in case all of the electronic books of the world mutated together to form one giant electronic book with plans to take over the world. She was also a part time Acquisition Editor, and she would split her days wearing both hats. She had the luxury of working from home while reading the endless amount of books that the company would send her, but she usually ended up taking her work to Chapter Chat and working within the solitude of her office for a few hours of the day, and would focus on Chapter Chat in between. At the end of the day, she would come home exhausted and dragging her feet, but that was the price to pay for following one's dream, right?

She sure as hell hoped so.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

She was just about to read the final chapter of the latest book her boss had sent her when her phone buzzed on her desk and Kate's voiced filled the room. Kate startled her at first, which was normally the case once she started reading. Reading had been her escape ever since she learned how to read her first book and roughly twenty years later it was no different.

"Sorry to bother you, but you have a call," said Kate, her tone slightly weary. "I told her I'd take a message but she insisted that she speaks to you."

"That's odd. Did she say who she was?"

"No, just that it was urgent. Line Three." And with that, the shrill sound of the ringing telephone disrupted the otherwise tranquil office space. _'Wonderful,'_ she groaned to herself. _'Who did I manage to piss off already? It's not even noon yet.'_

"Good morning, this is - "

"Bella? Bella Swan?" The voice on the other end was muffled and rushed and it was not what she was expecting to hear. Panic set in and she immediately thought of the arms that had held her in a strong embrace just a few hours before. Was it possible for her world to crumble around her instantaneously? A few hours before she was reveling in the confined and cozy space she called her office and now she felt like the walls were closing in on her. It was childish but she found herself crossing her fingers as she tried to focus through the spinning world her vision was subjecting her to.

"Yes, this is she. Who am I speaking to?"

"Oh, I'm so glad I got a hold of you. It's Sue. Sue Clearwater." A huge sigh of relief flew from Bella's lungs and she hoped her phone companion didn't notice. Her world slowly righted itself again once she realized her first immediate fear was just her imagination getting the best of her.

"Hi, Sue. It's good to hear from you. Is everything all right?" She noticed Sue's hesitation before she spoke and a different wave of alarm washed over her. The only reason Sue would be calling her would be because -

"Well, yes and no. It's your father."

"What happened? Is he okay?" Her words flew out like cannons into the atmosphere, their strength dominating the air in her office. She knew this phone call would come one day. She didn't know when and she didn't know where, but she knew that at some point in time she would be having this heart wrenching conversation. She wondered if it was a rogue bullet from rogue gun from a rogue assailant. Maybe he had saved a child from a burning building? Perhaps he was rushing to be the first in line for the new restaurant opening in town and had slipped on the ice? One had to think these things if one grew up as the only daughter of the Chief of Police.

"He'll be okay, eventually. He was in a bad accident last night and he's in the Intensive Care Unit." The woman's rushed demeanor was now slipping into fear and despair and Bella wished she had the words to comfort her.

Bella was good with words. She had made a career out of reading them, writing them, and editing them but now they failed her. How could she comfort her father's girlfriend when she couldn't even find the words, thoughts even, to comfort herself? She managed to find a pen somewhere hidden beneath the mess on her desk, and she flipped over the first piece of paper she could find and wrote down any important information Sue could give her. At the end of their fifteen minute phone call, Bella was able to find out Charlie's room number and phone extension, the extent of his injuries and the future plans of surgeries that he would be having within the next few days. _'So this is it,'_ Bella thought. _'This is what losing control feels like.' _She sighed into the phone and rubbed her heavy eyes.

"He's asking for you, Bella." Sue said, her voice dripping with meaning. "Before they put him under he told me to call you."

Of course he did. Bella was not the least bit shocked about that. While her father was her polar opposite when it came to finding the right words to say, the few he did utter into the world were heavy and powerful and loaded with sincerity.

"I think you should come to Forks, Bella." Sue's words silenced the room. Bella saw her chest rise and fall slowly but with growing speed and she fought back the urge to scream. She made a vow to herself six years ago that she would never step a foot back in her hometown of Forks, Washington, and she would fight to the death even if they had to drag her in shackles. Even her father being held together by pins and plaster could and would not change her mind. "He needs your help."

"I'm a phone call away, Sue. He'll be upgrading to a more affordable cell phone plan with more minutes by the time I'm done with him," Bella tried to joke but she knew it was in vain. There were those walls again, closing in on her by the second.

"Charlie would never ask you to come back. He knows better than that. But he's got a long road ahead of him and I think seeing you will make him want to try harder, put a little more effort in." Sue paused and Bella could almost hear the tears slipping from the woman's eyes. Bella felt her heart crack a little more than it already had during the conversation, and she cursed to herself. She had finally put the pieces of her heart back together again and now it was threatening to shatter. Her heart was held together by weak Scotch tape, mind you, but a cardiologist would be able to pass her heart off as functioning.

The funny thing is that the head and the heart are often reading different pages of the same book. Both are aware of the concepts and general plot points and structure of the work, but one is either too far ahead or too far back for the other catch up. The other side of Bella's brain, the same cautious part that screamed 'Super Electro-Book' in the world of her career, told her to switch positions. At one point, it was her who had been held by plaster and pins within the metal arms of a hospital bed, and when she opened her eyes the first thing she saw was her father, her Charlie, at her bedside. He would hop the next plane out if she needed him without a moment's hesitation.

"Just think about it, please," Sue begged. "Think about both of you coming out."

And at Sue's words, Bella violently hung up the phone, leaving Sue Clearwater with an angry dial tone resonating in her ear.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-


	3. Chapter 3

_"The fool on the hill_

_Sees the sun going down_

_And the eyes in his head_

_See the world spinning 'round."_

_'The Fool On The Hill,' The Beatles_

There were flashes of light zooming before his eyes, often moving too fast for him to make sense of what the images were. If he concentrated hard enough he could make out colors - vibrant colors of green and gray; of red and chestnut. By the time his mind could register what those colors could possibly represent, they would be ripped away from him and he would be on the run trying to chase after those fleeting images that were embedded into his memories.

And so the chase began.

Sometimes it was as if he were trapped inside a maze full of doors and hallways that always lead him to dead ends. He could see the colors whiz past him as if he were standing still but he in actuality was in a full sprint trying to catch up to them. He could almost hear them mocking him, laughing at how desperate he must look. He would start the race determined to capture them - to finally figure out what those extraordinary shades were.

There were times when he thought he could catch up to the colors. One time, in particular, he had stretched his arm out as far as he possibly could, twisting and bending all of the muscles in his body in the process, only to have that beautiful shade of brown, the chestnut, wisp right through his fingers and dissipate into the air around him. He could hear himself cry out at the sudden loss of the color that was the most beautiful out of all of them. He would drop to his knees in a sign of defeat, his fingers would pull at the ends of his haphazard hair, his chest would heave from the violent words that were soaring out of his mouth, and as always, his heart would shatter.

The chase would be over, and he would be left in the darkness. Instead of being surrounded by the greens and grays and the reds and the beautiful chestnut, he only found himself enveloped by blackness. He had lived in the dark for years and could admit that the darkness, and the darkness alone, was the one and only thing in this cold world that he could rely on. It was the only constant in his life. It hovered over him like a storm cloud and destroyed whatever lies in its path.

It was usually at this point in his state of unconsciousness that he would wake up from his recurring dream. He would shoot straight up in his bed, panting in fear and frustration. He would wonder if it all would ever end.

It was no different that particular morning as he watched the sun make its entrance into the day. He had watched the sunrise on numerous occasions since the dreams began and it was the one thing he cherished and loathed simultaneously. To him, it meant that he had survived another day. He had a whole day to try and make up for all of his wrongdoings. On the other hand, it also meant that he would have to live another day in this miserable little town. Another day of waiting.

He rolled over onto his back once he was satisfied with his daily intake of the sunrise, and exhaled loudly into the empty room. His mother had told him that having a pet would ease some of his loneliness, but Edward Cullen looked at having a pet as another living being that he could let down. If that were possible.

He could smell the aroma of coffee filtering through the house and his body took that as a sign to roll out of bed. His life was like clockwork; he would wake up, take a quick trip to the bathroom to shower and shave, get dressed for work, grab his coffee and head out the door. He would work all day, come home with whatever sort of dinner he could muster up from the local establishments, and head out on his boat to clear his head from any unwanted thoughts that slipped through the steel gate barriers of his mind. Afterwards he would head upstairs, brush his teeth, and call it a night. Repeat cycle as needed. Edward Cullen didn't live a spectacular life. He simply existed.

The only difference with that morning, Edward realized, was that going to work was no longer necessary, at least for the time being. Being a teacher at the local high school had its perks and it started with having the opportunity to have the summers off. Most people would give an arm and a leg to have eight weeks of time lobbied only to themselves, but Edward dreaded it. He needed something to fill in the hours between waking and sleeping. He needed distractions. He was the only teacher he knew out of all the teachers in the entire world that enjoyed teaching summer school. The week between school letting out and summer school beginning was pure torture.

He swung by the kitchen to pour himself a cup of coffee and headed outside to his deck to take in the fresh air. He sunk deeply into a cushioned seat and rubbed his eyes to shake off the restless night he had suffered through. He was grateful he didn't have to go to school today; he could only imagine what his students would say about his current state of appearance. Dark circles swirled beneath his eyes and he didn't even need to look in a mirror to know that his eyes were pooled with tiny red lines that burned incessantly. _Wonderful way to start the day_, he mused. At least he didn't have to go into the studio until later.

Ah, his studio. His saving grace. The one place where he could go and take out the daily turmoil that lived deep inside him. He had put a great deal of thought into perfecting his little escape. Besides the fact that it was rented above the local convenience store, it really turned out to be a wonderful space for him and his students. Teaching music classes at the high school was how the word spread of just how talented Edward was with his instruments. His studio had started out as his own form of escape but it had transformed into a studio space for any kid who ever wanted to learn how to play music. Playing music was the only happiness he knew of. He would do anything to keep the happy.

Edward could usually tell within the first hour of him waking up what kind of day it was going to turn out to be. He realized he could get in a quick ride on the boat before the rain starts if he hurried. Besides music, being on the water was the only other thing that kept his demons at bay. Somewhat.

A half hour later he closed his eyes and tried to let the sound of the water and the rush of the wind take him back to happier times in his life. He knew that it would be a difficult task; his dream with the colors was always the hardest to break free from. His temperament was always closer to the dark than to the sun and the mood he currently found himself in was darker than tornado clouds. _Snap out of it_, he admonished himself. _12:00 will be here before you know it._

Little Garrett looked forward to his weekly piano lessons with Edward more than pizza and movie night. Edward loved to listen for his footsteps barreling through his studio, usually knocking over various instruments in the process. His mother's scolding voice always followed as she tried to fix whatever mess Garret created in his war path but understood that Garrett's excitement when it came to the piano, and to Edward, was something that she just could not stay mad at for long. Edward couldn't either and vowed to shake off his foul mood by the time Garrett's lesson rolled around at noon.

He always thought of his old life when he was on the water. He remembered walking the halls of Forks High School and feeling as if the walls were trapping him. He was meant for bigger things. He knew it. They both knew it. He remembered driving across the county to begin their college career and all of the fun and strange places they stopped along the way. He could hear their favorite songs on the radio; he could hear the drum of the tires as they left their old lives behind them. He could taste their new found freedom. It tasted new and fresh and he welcomed it like a sunny day. He remembered cramming for his first round of midterms; he remembered the celebration for all midterms completed that hurt like a bitch for the following week. He remembered the first day of his senior internship and how bittersweet it was when it was his last. He remembered walking across the stage to accept his degree and the proud members of the audience that cheered him on through tears of happiness. All of these things he could remember when he thought of them.

It was the hand that held his own throughout it all that he could never forget. It was the ghost that haunted him during the day and during the night.

Edward stopped to stare at the sky and knew he didn't have too much longer before the rain came. As he tied his boat to the dock, he glanced up at his house and saw a figure walking towards him. He could tell by the build and gate of the man walking that it was none other than Emmett, his brother who meant well but never understood Edward's incapacity to move on like the rest of them. He would tell Edward to "man up" or ''move on, bro", leaving Edward no choice but to storm off in a fit of anger. Emmett stopped at the edge of the dock and held out his hand for Edward to grab it and hoist himself out of the boat.

"Morning," he said to Edward and nodded upwards towards the darkening sky. "Managed to get a ride in before the rain?"

"Had to," Edward said. "Needed a fresh start today." The two men started the walk back to Edward's backyard. Emmett nodded, understanding the meaning behind the words.

"Bad dream?" Emmett was answered by a silent nod. "Which one this time?"

"The colors."

"Ouch. Sorry, man." The two of them reached the deck and grabbed two seats at the patio table. Edward wondered if Emmett knew that he knew why Emmett paid him these unplanned or spontaneous visits. _I don't need to be checked up on_, he thought bitterly. He knew that Emmett hated intruding on him unannounced, and it was no doubt their mother Esme's doing, but both brothers hated it nonetheless. A telephone call would have sufficed.

"You're out of school, yeah?" Emmett asked. He folded his arms under his head and leaned back in the seat. Edward nodded.

"Submitted all finals two days ago. Got cleared from the Principal yesterday. I'm a free man," he said, trying his best to plant a smile on his face. He hoped it wasn't one of those terrifying smiles where everyone around knows it's a fake one.

"Good for you man. Those kids can suck the life out of ya." Edward laughed at how true Emmett's statement was.

"Mom's having her annual start of summer barbeque on Saturday. I'll be seeing you there?" Emmett asked. Edward ran his fingers through his hair in annoyance.

"You know, I never understand why Mom has these barbeques to begin with," said Edward stiffly. "She buys all these outdoor chairs and Tiki Torches and Luau Pigs and it rains before anyone even gets there. Not to mention that Dad is the one that has to set it all up because Mom's too busy burning her appetizer quiche -"

"Yeah, yeah, it's always a disaster, blah, blah. I think the real reason she has it is because you're the one she sends out in the middle of the rain to go save all those Tiki Torches and pigs."

"You're right, Em. I love getting stuck outside in monsoon weather. To be honest, it's better than fucking Christmas." This time Edward's small upturned smile was genuine and Emmett mentally wrote down a point in his favor. His mom would be pleased to know that Emmett

was able to squeeze one little favorable show of emotion from his younger brother.

The brothers spoke for a little while longer before Emmett rose to leave. Edward walked him around the house to the long driveway and they gave each other one of those brotherly half hugs that seemed to be in the handbook of How To Be A Boy. It's the only way that Esme could explain why almost every boy she knew entered into one of those exchanges.

"I'm serious about Saturday though," Emmett said as he stood next to his car. "It's a great way to kick off your summer."

"I'll think about it," Edward said. Emmett rolled his eyes.

"Don't even deny that you're dying to have one of Mom's burned quiches. Admit it!" The older brother laughed while the younger one shook his head with a smile. He nodded and shrugged his shoulders in eventual agreement. Right before Emmett got into his car and shut the door, Edward called out to him.

"Did Mom invite the whole west coast again?" He asked in feigned annoyance. It was well known that Esme invited anyone who was willing to attend a barbeque in the summer rain. Even though the Cullen's had moved from their hometown of Forks, Washington a few years ago, some of their old neighbors still make the trek to Seattle without complaining. Maybe it was the quiches, after all.

"You know her. 'Don't be tardy, it's time to party!' She even invited good ol' Mr. Mitchell."

"Our old mailman?' Edward laughed before growing quiet. "Anything from Chief Swan?" He saw Emmett's shoulders drop a little but chose hard to ignore it. Emmett shook his head, feeling sorry for him. Esme had sent an invitation to Charlie Swan every summer but like tradition, it would go unanswered.

And just like that, Edward lost his momentary solace. He lost the happy.

He nodded towards Emmett's general direction and slipped back inside his house. Edward watched him retreat down his long and slanted driveway and stayed in front of the window until he saw the last of Emmett's car disappear down the soft hill that Edward's house was perched on. He would find himself in similar situations almost daily. Something would distract him, momentarily, and in that moment he would feel almost human again. He would be able to smile without thinking about it before hand and sometimes he could catch a glimpse of that silver lining. No matter how long those situations lasted, he would always be thrown back into the present. And for the past few years, the present was his own personal hell on earth. He wondered how long it would take before he could accept it.

She was never coming home. He would never catch the color of the beautiful chestnut.


	4. Chapter 4

_"Her hair of floating sky is shimmering_

_Glimmering_

_In the sun."_

_- "Julia", The Beatles_

Bella sat in the swiveling chair at her desk and stared out the window overlooking the bustling city. She tapped her pen mindlessly, unaware of the time that had trickled by since the end of the phone call. It could have been hours or days, minutes or seconds, and she would not have noticed. The only thing she was capable of at the moment was replaying her conversation with Sue Clearwater over and over in her mind.

_"Think about both of you coming out_."

The words sent chills down Bella's spine and she stopped tapping her pen to wrap her arms around herself. She found little comfort in the gesture and instead put her head in her hands in exasperation. She should have known that her good fortune would soon be over; she had made it through without any bumps in the road for too long. She had worked her ass off to make a decent life for herself in Florida and she would be damned if she threw it all away over a mere suggestion from her father's girlfriend.

The thought of her father brought her back to reality and she fought a wave of nausea as images of Charlie in a hospital bed flashed in her mind. He needed her right now, she knew it. Something inside of her knew without even thinking it. It didn't matter. What good would it be for anyone if Bella went back to Forks? If both of them did?

Sue hadn't just suggested Bella returning home. What Sue suggested opened up the flood gates that held a tidal wave of the past. It wouldn't be one of those waves that a person could float to the top and coast back down again with ease. No, this was the kind of wave that destroyed the strongest of foundations. It threatened everything it touched.

There was only one other person in the world, besides Charlie and Kate, that Bella could rely on. It wasn't her mother, as much as it pained her to admit it, and it sure as hell wasn't Bella herself. It was the one who made all the bad in the world disappear. It was the one who made Bella's live worth living. It was the person who had wrapped Bella up in a strong embrace that morning and kissed her cheek and sent her on her way. And Sue wanted Bella to bring this person to Forks?

_Not a chance in hell_, Bella thought angrily.

Forks, Washington had the tendency to bring out the worst in Bella Swan. It was not always the case; at one point Bella had thought Forks felt more like home to her than any other place she had encountered in her life. When she was growing up in Phoenix, she always felt like a piece of her was missing and she often thought that was why she volunteered to go live with her dad when she was in high school. When she was away at college she counted down the days between holidays and semesters before she was home again. After graduating from college and before starting grad school, she felt a tug in her heart and a lump in her throat at the thought of leaving Forks behind.

And now, five years since she had left in a mess of tears and anger, she hated Forks.

She hated Forks with such a passion that she couldn't even fathom going back, despite her father being in the hospital. Despite him asking for her. For both of them.

Bella was a rational person. She knew how selfish she was being. The guilt was already starting to eat at her and it was barely more than an hour since she had hung up on Sue. She squeezed her eyes to try to shut out her unraveling thoughts but she knew it was no use. Her conscience screamed at her, shouted at her, to do the right thing but Bella wasn't ready. She would never be ready to go back there even if she had years to prepare for it. Going back would only stir up unwanted and unneeded memories of him. After spending every day for the last five years trying to forget him, the last thing she needed was to go back to the days when that 'him' belonged to her. And only her.

When her eyes opened she tried to wipe away the tears that fell down her cheek quickly, as if crying admitted defeat in her eyes. She cried inwardly for her Charlie in the hospital, for the boy that was once hers, and for the only person Bella loved and lived for. She didn't cry for herself. She was past those days when she was the hostess of her own pity parties. Life had dealt her a pretty shitty hand in recent years but she learned how to play whatever she was dealt and tried to look for the positive in everything. She had no choice but to think positively when the weight of the world was being held on her shoulders.

There was a knock on the door and before Bella could finish wiping the stray tears that escaped from her eyes, Kate breezed through looking at a stack of papers.

"It's past one and I'm dying for one of those cookies from that place we went to last time, what was the name of it?" Kate looked up from her papers and stopped when she saw Bella's smudged make up and puffy eyes. "Oh no, what's wrong? Is it Re-"

"No, no. It's Charlie. He was in an accident," Bella croaked, clearing her throat in order to regain the calm in her voice. "Sue called."

"Oh, that was who called. Is he going to be okay?" Kate said before going over to Bella's side of the desk and pulling her in for a hug. They held each other for a minute, Bella's love for her dad radiating through the room. Kate knew how much Bella valued her relationship with her father and how helpless she must be feeling due to the distance separating them. Bella shrugged and separated from Kate with a deep breath.

"Eventually, yeah. I'm still waiting to hear back from the doctor but from what I know so far is a couple of broken bones, fractured pelvis, cuts and scrapes. I kind of zoned out a bit when Sue was talking."

"Understandable," said Kate. She walked over to Bella's closet and pulled out her purse and handed it to her. "Let's get some air. Maggie's got the front and Tia's on the register." Bella nodded and followed Kate out of the office, hoping that her life's problems were something that a chocolate chip cookie could solve.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"Well, was I right?" Kate asked wiping the last remnants of cookie away from her lip glossed mouth. "Did this amazing thing they call a cookie cheer you up?" She looked expectantly at Bella who was picking numbly at her own cookie.

"Normally, they would. But I'm too nauseous to eat," Bella grumbled, pushing her cookie over to Kate to finish. Kate shrugged and took the cookie, giving Bella a look that told her that she didn't know what she was missing. The two friends had walked a few stores down the street to a busy bakery that claimed to serve the best baked goods on earth, and on most days, Bella would have to agree. Their cookies really were to die for. She contemplated taking some home with her for later in the event that her appetite returned but she doubted when that would be.

Bella took a deep breath and looked around her, deciding to ease her mind with her daily routine of people watching. Kate had decided to sit outside of the little bakery in a small bistro table perched by the side of the store. A beige umbrella shaded them from the sun and gave them a little privacy. She looked down the sidewalk and eyed a grassy picnic area and she watched as a man and young girl, presumably a father and daughter, leave the bicycle shop with huge smiles plastered on their faces. The young girl pushed a shiny pink bicycle behind her and stopped to stare at the white basket that dangled in the front between the handlebars. Bella could almost hear the young girl think about what items she could store in her brand new basket with the pretty flowers in the front, and a few moments later the father stopped and took something out of the plastic bag he was holding. Bella watched with a small smile on her face as the girl grinned widely, jumping up and down in delight. Her father handed her matching pink streamers to put into her handlebars and the girl watched with glee as her father bent down on his knees to begin the task. Bella remembered her own father teaching her how to ride a bike and she slumped in her seat at the memory.

"He asked for me," Bella said to Kate, breaking the silence at the table. Kate nodded.

"Well, I'm not surprised. You are his daughter."

"Thanks, I didn't know that. He didn't ask for anything specifically, he just told Sue to call me."

"Of course he would want you to know, Bella. Wouldn't you want your dad to know if you were hurt?"

"That's not why I'm upset, Kate. It's Sue," Bella sighed, finishing the last of her drink. She played with the straw for a few seconds before returning her attention back to Kate. "She asked me to come home." Kate stopped mid-cookie and stared her friend in the eyes.

"Shut the fuck up." Bella laughed at her friend's bluntness and shook her head. "She wasn't serious, was she?"

"She sounded pretty serious, actually. Maybe it was the whole situation, I don't know. She sounded desperate."

"It was probably her own emotions taking over," Kate offered. "Your dad would never ask you to go back. He knows better."

"Yes, thankfully he does." Bella trailed off and got lost within her own thoughts again. After Kate had returned from dropping her lunch off in the garbage Bella spoke up. "She wanted both of us to go back." Kate's eyes widened in response and her mouth dropped open. Kate was never one to think before she spoke so when Bella saw her struggling for the right words she knew she had every reason to worry.

"Sue asked if both of you would go back to Forks," Kate repeated. Bella nodded slowly. Kate scratched her head and looked at her friend seriously.

"If she's asking for both of you to go back there, then it must be worse than she told you."

"That's exactly what I've been thinking. She knows going back there is impossible for me. She wouldn't ask unless it was serious." Bella's eyes filled with tears again and she cursed herself for losing control so quickly. "I can't go back there, I can't," she whispered. Kate nodded and handed her a napkin for her tears.

"I get it, Bella, I really do. Listen, I'm only saying this because I can. This is your father we're talking about here. Your Charlie. He needs you, Sue needs you, and right now it's pretty obvious that you need him. Besides, you don't even know if Edward still lives in Forks."

Hearing his name still ripped Bella in two. She prayed every night before she went to sleep that there would be a day when she could tolerate someone mentioning him and possibly blow it off like it never happened. Maybe there would come a time when she could look back on their years together and smile because it happened instead of crying because it ended. After all this time she was beginning to think that such a day was a far off dream that would never be.

"If I go back it will ruin everything," she cried softly, and thought of the hug and kiss she received in the morning from the love of her life. "Everything."

"I wouldn't say ruin," Kate mused. "Change, yes. It will change everything. But, and please remember that I love you as I say this, this isn't about you. It's about Charlie." Kate reached both hands out across the table and put them on top of Bella's. "Go home. Take the rest of the day off. I'll call around and get the shifts covered for tonight."

Bella couldn't argue with Kate. She couldn't think, let alone work. They walked back to the store in comfortable silence. Kate always knew how to bring Bella back to earth. Kate knew that sometimes Bella was her own worst enemy and facing her fears was the last thing Bella wanted to do. Bella liked to flee when she should stand up and fight.

Bella knew the minute Sue spoke those words that the right thing to do was to be with Charlie. She just needed to host one more pity party before admitting it.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Renee Dwyer folded the last of the laundry and placed it on the top of the hamper. She hooked the hamper under her hip and opened the door of the laundry room, closing the door with her foot on the way out. She winced slightly at the bang of the door and hoped it wouldn't be loud enough to wake the sleeping form in the room next door. She stood still for a minute and once she was satisfied that no one stirred in the house, she continued to the other bedroom and put the hamper behind the door.

Bella had sent her a text message an hour before saying that she was leaving work early and would be home after finishing up last minute things at the office. If the message had been sent from anyone else but Bella, Renee wouldn't think anything of it. After double checking a few times, she was positive that her eyes didn't deceive her and that Bella really did send the message.

The problem was that her daughter never left work early. Not unless it was a true emergency. Worry settled in the pits of her stomach, and Renee sat down at the kitchen table to calm her nerves. If there was a problem with Phil, she would be notified first, not Bella. If there was a problem at the store, Bella wouldn't send a message saying she was leaving early - she would have sent a message saying she'd be home late. She assumed there was something going on with Charlie, and contemplated calling him to see what was going on.

But there was another nagging thought in the back of her mind that threatened to push its way to the front of her worries. _Could it be him?_ Renee thought. _Did he track her down? _

It was a thought that had plagued her ever since Bella left Forks in the middle of the night five years before and decided to make Florida her permanent home. Even though Bella was a grown woman, with her own big girl job and big girl mortgage, Renee still feared the day that Edward would find Bella again, find them, and tear down the walls that Renee had tried so hard to build over the years. He would tell Bella everything, and Bella would turn to her mother with a look of pure hatred.

And Renee would lose everything.

She tried to tell herself that she was overreacting. That her erratic brain was getting the best of her. Thankfully she heard the sound of a car pull in to the driveway and she got up from the table, grateful for the distraction. She met her daughter in the living room and eyed her carefully. She didn't look any different than the morning, really - her long, chestnut hair fell in deep waves down her back, and her gray pencil skirt was still intact even though the heels that matched were ditched by the front door. Bella dropped her workbag on the floor of the living room and looked up at her mother.

"Charlie was in an accident."

Should Renee consider herself a horrible person for the feeling of relief that washed over body? As much as she didn't want to hear of Charlie being in pain, she felt it was a better alternative to Edward walking in the front door.

"He'll be fine," Bella said, plopping on the couch. "I just had to get out of there. Couldn't concentrate." Renee nodded and joined her on the opposite end.

"Do you want anything? Coffee?" Renee asked.

"I'm thinking of something a little stronger," Bella joked. "Wine sounds more like it." Renee laughed and reached for her daughter. Bella relaxed in her arms and closed her eyes when she felt Renee's fingers weave through her hair, the beginning workings of a braid always put Bella in a better mood. Bella peeked through one eye to look at the clock on the wall to see what time it was. 2:30.

As if on cue, Bella heard the bedroom door squeak open and soon heard tiny footsteps pattering down the hallway. Tiny green eyes appeared over the top of the couch, followed by a big sleepy smile. Deep brown hair that matched her own was messy from an afternoon nap but it was still beautiful nonetheless.

"Mommy!" The little girl cried, and ran into Bella's arms. Bella melted into the girl and inhaled her sweet, innocent scent. This was better than the cookies at the bakery. This was her answer to everything.

Within the arms of her daughter was the only place Bella could ever find peace.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-


	5. Chapter 5

_"Someday when I'm lonely,_

_Wishing you weren't so far away,_

_Then I will remember_

_Things we said today."_

_- "Things We Said Today", The Beatles_

_-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-_

Edward poured all of his energy into Garrett's piano lesson in hopes it would keep his mind off of his dreams. Being with Garrett, even if it was just for an hour, really helped Edward's mind to relax and focus on what was in front of him. Garrett was making tremendous progress in his lessons and it joyed him to see his hard work paying off. His mother looked on happily at her son and his teacher and was glad that she had gone through with her quick decision to enroll Garrett into piano lessons in the first place. Garrett seemed to have been born with excess energy.

She tried getting him into sports but it never held his interest for longer than a few minutes; she tried art classes but he would make such a mess within the first session that the instructor would politely tell her to enroll him in a few years when he was a little older. She was leaving the local convenience store after picking up a few items where she saw the ad for music lessons in the space above the store. Before she knew it she found herself upstairs and talking to the music teacher himself. She signed Garrett up for lessons before leaving the studio that very day and had not regretted it since. Her son had an ear for music and picked up quickly on whatever it was that Edward was teaching him during each lesson.

It didn't hurt that Edward was downright beautiful, behind a piano or not.

He was tall and lean, his face as smooth as her new marble countertops, and his green eyes pierced through her with just a look. And on days that his smile would actually reach those eyes was a damn fine day. When he would laugh it would send chills to her core. Her own husband hadn't made her feel like that in, well, ever.

But she could tell the minute she walked through, and Garrett ran through the studio, that something was different with Edward today. Something was off. His hair was standing in all different directions and his legs bobbed up and down in his chair. The rain outside was no match for the storm that brewed behind his eyes. The hour seemed to fly by, at least to her, and soon Garrett was grabbing his little backpack that held his song to practice before their next session.

"See you next week, Garrett!" Edward called to Garrett before the little boy ran down the hallway to the stairs. His mother, Makenna, laughed at her son and turned to look at Edward.

"Next Monday? Same time?" Edward nodded.

"Make sure he practices at home in the mean time," he said politely. "It'll make the transition much easier for him."

"Will do," Makenna said and turned in the same direction as Garrett. "See you next week, Edward." Edward watched as she walked out of the room, calling Garrett over to her so she could grab his hand. He waved a silent goodbye with a smile and sat down behind his desk. He sighed loudly and removed the pencil behind his ear so he could write down Garrett's next lesson time before he forgot.

Makenna was a sweet woman. Attractive, too. Maybe even attractive enough to get his mind off of her. Edward had learned over the years that there were just not enough women in Washington to accomplish that task. And yes, he tried.

He had four more appointments scheduled for the day and got to work on getting the proper instruments ready. One appointment required a guitar, two more for the piano, and the last one for the drums. That was one that would surely beat the images of her out of his mind, he hoped.

Bella Swan was not a girl one could easily forget. She was the kind that made a lasting impression and she had no idea why. A young Edward at seventeen years old thought that added even more to her allure. Here was a beautiful young girl who didn't even know it; she was a teenaged girl and did not feel the need to spend hours in front of the mirror. Instead, she chose to spend hours buried in his arms.

His 1:15 appointment walked in the studio and Edward practically shoved the guitar into his hands, anxious to forget about Bella.

For now.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"Okay, no more stories, Renesmee. It's time for bed," Bella said, placing the last book of bedtime stories in a pile on top of the other three stories she had read. "Even the sun has a bed time, see?" She pointed to the window on the opposite side of the room and waited for her daughter's impatient sigh. Five, four, three, two...ahh, there it was.

"I'm just not sleepy yet," Renesmee answered, rolling over so her head was resting on Bella's shoulder. "One more story?" Bella shook her head firmly.

"No Miss, just roll over and close your eyes. I'll rub your back." The little girl huffed loudly and plopped over onto her belly. Bella smiled softly and began to rub slow, small circles on Renesmee's back. A few minutes later Bella looked over and saw her eyes begin to grow heavy, and she watched as Renesmee tried her hardest to fight the slumber of sleep. Her eyes blinked a few times in a last attempt to stay awake. A few minutes of the back rubbing was usually all it took for her to fall asleep but Bella had a feeling tonight was going to be different.

Renesmee had been ecstatic to see her mother home before her usual time and had exploded into a fiery ball of energy the minute that Renee had left to go back to her house. Renee came over a few times a week to watch Renesmee while Bella worked, and the two of them had formed a close bond over the years. Renee tried her best to keep Renesmee busy and entertained but it seemed that no matter what she did, Renesmee saved her energy for the minute Bella walked through the door.

After working a long day at the store, Bella would cook dinner for the two of them and after dinner they would walk down to the beach to catch the sunset. Bella was lucky enough to have been able to buy a small, cottage at the end of a secluded beach. Not many people knew about it, or cared about it, but to Bella and Renesmee, this was their paradise. Renesmee was able to splash in the warm water without bothering anyone and Bella was able to relax and let the water take away her stress from the day.

After enjoying their beach time, she would give Renesmee a bath and read her a story or two before bed. Bedtime was a time that Bella cherished with Renesmee. The two would talk about their days, their plans for the next day, and they would laugh about the latest antics that their cat, Rochester, would be up to. Bella had hoped that when she named their cat after one of her favorite fictional characters that the cat would live up to its name.

So far, the three year old kitten had not. Rochester would swing from the curtains in the living room, leave his toys in both of their beds, and slept on the top of Bella's pillow at night, leaving her with virtually no pillow whatsoever.

Renesmee would laugh over silly Rochester as she was cuddled in Bella's arms, and Bella would rub her back or rock them to sleep, and even after Renesmee would drift into sleep, Bella would continue to hold her. Bella had learned that good times like this could be fleeting; one minute you're holding your sleeping daughter in your arms, the next minute, she's riding off to college. Or in her case, one day you're perfectly content in the arms of your love, and the next day he's telling you it's over.

Today, however, had thrown Renesmee out of her routine and the four year old was not ready for bed.

"Mommy? Could you tell me a story about Daddy?" Renesmee asked softly. She rolled over so she could stare into the big brown eyes of her mother. "I promise I'll go to sleep after."

Bella closed her eyes and tried to hide the look of pain that splashed briefly across her face. She looked down at Renesmee. "Promise?"

Renesmee nodded emphatically and made an "X" mark across her heart with her tiny fingers. "Promise."

Bella moved down in the bed to make herself comfortable. "Which one would you like to hear?" She watched with a smile as Renesmee put a finger to her mouth, as if she were thinking really hard, and turned her big green eyes to her.

"The one with the piano."

Bella nodded and motioned for Renesmee to turn back over so she could resume her rubbing circles.

"Well," Bella began, "your father could play the piano better than I've ever heard. Remember when we went on the cruise with Nayna and Phil? Remember that man who was playing the piano in the middle of the boat?" Renesmee nodded so Bella continued. "Better than him."

"Really?" Renesmee whispered into the twilighted bedroom.

"Really." Bella paused for a moment. "Your dad told me he could play but he didn't tell me how good he was. You know he won a talent show at school for playing the piano and got a big trophy for it?"

"Like my soccer trophy?" Bella laughed as she thought of Renesmee's soccer team that consisted of twelve four year olds running as one swarm of children to kick whatever piece of the ball they could.

"Exactly like your soccer trophy," Bella said. "Maybe even a little bigger." She glanced over at Renesmee's trophy that shined brightly on her shelf. It was no bigger than a teacup but Renesmee would have it polished daily if she could.

"Wow, " breathed Renesmee, "he must be really good."

"Yes, he was very good. It was so beautiful that sometimes it made Mommy cry."

Bella allowed herself momentarily to go back to the Forks High Talent Show. After some convincing by herself and relentless convincing by his sister Alice, Edward agreed to perform at the school talent show if he lost a bet he made with Emmett. Emmett had sworn that he could trick Esme into believing he was sick so he wouldn't have to take his Math final, and Edward had said that Esme would never in her right mind believe him. So, if Emmett got away with it, Edward would be performing at the school talent show the following day. If Edward won and Emmett had to take the final anyway, Emmett would have to perform at the talent show. The problem was that Emmett had no particular talent to perform.

The look of horror on Edward's face as he watched Esme send Emmett back to bed because of his "raging temperature", according to Alice, was priceless. This left Edward with no choice but to get his performance ready for the talent show.

What started out as a joke ended with a trophy for first place and an astonished crowd of followers.

"He played a song I had never heard of," Bella continued, "but it was beautiful." If she closed her eyes she could still hear the melodic sounds fill the auditorium. She could hear the silence wash over the crowd and she covered her mouth with her hand as she listened to the piece unfold in its entirety. He had his eyes closed in concentration but the minute he was finished he opened his eyes and stared at her with an intense gaze that she would never forget.

"He even brought the trophy to college with him," she said, and looked over at Renesmee. She didn't know at what point in her story that Renesmee had dozed off but she was happy that she did. Her mother would not be happy if Bella left for work in the morning with a cranky Renesmee to look after. Bella removed her hands from Renesmee's back and moved her silky hair away from her face a fraction of an inch so she could place a soft kiss on her temple. Bella rolled onto her back and even though she was squished within the confines of Renesmee's big girl bed, she stayed where she was and looked at the ceiling.

Bella had made a choice to include Edward in Renesmee's life in any way that she could. She knew what her daddy looked like and just by looking at her, Bella could see that Renesmee was taking after her father in her daily appearance. Her mannerisms, the slight bronzed color her hair would shift into in the sun, her stunning green eyes. Renesmee knew that her daddy was a good man because Bella told her so.

No, he was never coming back. No, Bella did not want to see him ever again. And even though Edward and Renesmee had never met, Bella knew that he would be a wonderful father. She wouldn't take that away from him despite everything that had happened between them. Renesmee thought that Edward was away for work, kind of like how Phil traveled with his baseball team, and would be home once his work was finished. Bella knew the day would come when she would have to tell Renesmee that Edward would probably be working for a while, but for now, she told tales of their youth together and all of the fun they had before she had moved to Florida.

Bella moved to get out of the bed before the first tear came. Like usual, when one tear started, another followed and soon she found herself in bed with Rochester, staring out her window, her tears dripping in silent streams down her cheek and onto her pillow.

Here Bella was, ignoring her own father's state of disrepair across the country, while Renesmee in the room next door would do anything to see her own father. Her feelings were so conflicted and she didn't know where to begin. If she did go back to Forks, she would have no choice but to bring Renesmee with her. The thought alone terrified her. She had not spent one night away from Renesmee since she was born a little over four years ago and didn't want to start just yet. No one back in Forks, with the exception of Charlie and Sue, knew about Renesmee. What was she going to do, leave Renesmee in the house for the whole visit? Impossible. And illegal, probably.

On the other hand, as Kate said earlier, Charlie needed her. Bella was stubborn, yes, but ultimately put everyone else's needs before her own. She knew the choice she had to make was going to be hard for her but it was one she needed to do. There were no other options.

She fell asleep to the sounds of Edward's piano drifting through her head.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

His last student left shortly before 5:00 and by the time the car was out of the parking lot, Edward collapsed in a heap onto his piano bench. He felt drained, physically, even though all of his lessons had gone well. He was used to putting in a good eight hours at school, then another three or four at the studio so it bothered him that he was exhausted after working for five hours. He blamed it on his dreams the night before. It was only 5:00 and it was too early for him to call it a day, so he pulled out his planner and put together lessons that would take him well into July. It was the middle of June and he was already bored with summer.

He placed his fingers on the keys of the piano, pressing down gently to ease his way into it. Times like this was when he was able to lose himself almost completely to the music. He shut his mind down, closed his eyes to the outside world, and let his fingers do the leading. He never knew where they would take him and he enjoyed the adventure. He sat back and buckled himself in for the ride.

The ivory keys were always his guiding light and tonight they stopped at a field of green inside Edward's mind. His fingers hesitated for a second, as if asking his mind for permission to continue, and in a grand gesture, Edward allowed his mind to step aside. His mind motioned with one arm and a nod to go forward, and his fingers followed suit. He felt the body in his memory step inside and he passed the mental gates and surged ahead. His fingers grazed the keys softly in a quick swoop and in an instant he was inside the field of green. He was inside the meadow, and he was not alone.

He remembered the familiarity of her hand and the way it held his softly in the fading sunset. They were walking comfortably to their favorite spot in the meadow, leaving behind the frantic activity of the day. They had graduated college a few months before and were planning on leaving for grad school together the following week. Esme had been busy taking them shopping for all of the things they would need for their apartment off campus and all Edward had to do was give Bella one tiny look and she nodded in agreement. They needed their time. They needed the meadow.

They talked about their upcoming future; she talked about her upcoming classes; he talked about an exciting internship he was hoping to get soon once the semester started. The whole time their hands were intertwined, moving softly to graze from one finger to the next.

Edward's fingers moved a little faster on the piano keys in his studio, the sound of the keys hypnotizing as they fell prey to Edward's gift. He was physically present in the room but mentally he was somewhere else entirely. He was in what he was sure was heaven.

Her breath came in uneven rasps, her hair splashing against the blanket they had thrown down in the grass between the violets and oranges of the wildflowers. He held their hands together over her head and dipped his lips back down to hers, craving the feel of her mouth on his. Her mouth was warm and inviting and it pained him to part from it. Their kisses grew short and frantic as their need for each other grew stronger. He broke away from their kiss, and dragged his mouth softly down the side of her face to her neck. She moaned softly beneath him, her hands sliding down the smooth plane of his bare back.

"Please," she whispered to him in the meadow. The pink and orange hues from the sun against her body made her look even more beautiful. "I need you."

Edward's fingers on the keys picked up in speed. The soft sounds of the piano that filled the room at the beginning of his trip down memory lane were now replaced with powerful gusts from a musical genius. The sounds were deep and booming and frenzied and Edward was breaking out into a small sweat from the intensity. Still, he was nowhere to be found.

"I love you," he murmured to her. "I love you so much," he closed the gap between them again, his lips assaulting hers as he joined their two bodies together. He filled her completely, the most a man could fill a woman and it was still not enough for her. She cried out and writhed beneath him, her legs wrapping tightly around his waist. His hands feathered down her body, igniting a fire that was threatening to explode. He ran his fingers up the leg that surrounded him, underneath her to pull her even closer to meet his slow movements between them.

"Don't stop," Bella panted. She was holding onto his hips as if her life depended on it. "Don't ever stop."

"Never," he breathed. He moved her face so he was staring into the chocolate pools of her eyes. "I'll never stop."

Edward's fingers knew the ending to his song was near. His fingers and his mind were becoming one again, and his fingers desperately tried to keep up with the visions in his head. When Bella would roll her head back against the blanket, Edward's fingers on the piano keys would dart over to the higher notes; when Bella pushed Edward backwards onto the blanket and slid on top of him, his fingers would slide down to the deeper notes. Like his fingers on the piano, his fingers slid down Bella's back with ease and passion. Her face was shadowed by the pink in the sky but he could feel her body start to tell him that she would fall soon. He was never far behind her; the sight of her coming undone before him would set him off on his own journey. When she collapsed on his chest, breathing heavily with her hair a wave of chestnut around them both, his fingers slowed down to a comfortable pace on the keys.

"Never forget it." Edward said to her. He played with her hair as she lay beside him and instead of staring at the sunset like she was before when they first arrived at the meadow, she was staring at the stars and the moonlight danced around her like the reflection from a mirror.

"How could I forget that?" She laughed. "I think that little rabbit over there by the trees is blushing." He laughed with her.

"No, not that. Well, yes, don't forget that, either." He smiled. "I love you. Forever. That's what I don't want you to forget."

And as Edward removed his fingers from the piano in his studio, his face covered with sweat and frustration, his chest heaving from his memories, he wondered if she remembered not to forget.

He would never forget. Ever.

"Am I interrupting something?" A voice of high soprano chirped from the open door. Edward ran his fingers through his hair in an attempt to shake his erotic piano session off of his body.

"Well, well, hello dear sister," he smiled. "What can I do for you, Alice?

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-


	6. Chapter 6

"_Everywhere people stare_

_Each and every day_

_I can see them laugh at me_

_And I hear them say,_

'_Hey, you've got to hide your love away.' "_

_-"You've Got to Hide Your Love Away", The Beatles_

Alice Whitlock checked her watch as she merged onto the interstate, noting that it was a little after five in the evening. A late meeting had prevented her from having lunch so in turn she found herself starved. She knew the hour drive she had ahead of her would surely kill her unless she had something of substance in her stomach. Jasper was out of town for work so there was nothing for Alice to rush home to, and her parents were too busy planning for their start of summer barbeque to be bothered. Her brother Emmett lived an extra twenty miles past her own house so that was out of the question. That left her other brother Edward to be her dining companion for the evening. It was actually pretty perfect, actually - Edward's studio was on her way home and she knew that was where she would find him. Grabbing a quick bite to eat and catching up with her favorite brother was always something Alice looked forward to, even if she found Edward in one of his sour moods.

She knew that Emmett had stopped over earlier in the morning to check up on Edward so Alice knew Edward would just be absolutely tickled pink to have the privilege of seeing both of his siblings in the same day. Alice hated admitting, even to herself, that they were still "checking up" on him after so long. She tried to convince herself time and time again that they were just making sure he was alright, but if she was honest with herself, she knew that all she wanted to do was see a glimpse of the man her brother once was.

She really was quite a lucky lady. Before that she was the luckiest girl in all of Forks to have the big brothers that she had. Emmett was always a good guy to have around; he deterred any unwanted advances from the pimply faced teenagers that still populated the town and little Lauren Mallory stopped pulling Alice's pigtails on the playground once big brother bear Emmett happened to catch her in the act. Alice was able to walk with her head held high with confidence because she could always see Emmett's shadow not a few feet behind her.

Edward was different.

While Emmett would be busy meeting Alice's enemies after school for some good old fashioned roughing up, Edward would be the one that held her as she cried. He was attuned to her more sensitive and vulnerable side. He didn't say much but that was the way that their relationship was. He was always there for her, no matter the circumstance, and was always a literal shoulder to cry on. After she was done with her tears for the time being, Edward would take her to his piano. He would sit her right beside him on his bench and soon he would start to play. It was silly, Alice had thought as a child, but listening to Edward play was the most therapeutic release she had ever known. It was as if her problems would disappear with each passing note, never to bother her again. There was only one person in the world that could do that, and it was Edward, with or without music.

It was only fair that she return the favor once it was Edward who became the one that was lost. So she set off on her mission to restore the Edward that she had come to love and she found that she was just not good at it. At all. He surely would have snapped out of it by now if whatever she was doing was working.

So somehow they had all made a decision that by stopping over unannounced would maybe convince Edward that he needed a hard kick in the ass to get focused again, to get that fire back in his eyes. Alice couldn't remember the day or the moment that she realized that Edward would never be the same again. Maybe she knew it all along. Maybe she knew it that very day when Edward came home in a storm of hysterics saying that Bella was gone and Charlie wouldn't tell him where she went. Maybe she knew then that the only person who could fix him was the one that ran away.

It was a quick drive towards downtown Forks, and Alice was thankful that her work took her closer to Edward on that particular day. Forks didn't exactly keep her busy in her career as an event planner but she found herself working in neighboring towns and cities that held current population sizes larger than Forks' population of the last decade combined. Nonetheless, the possibility of being able to spend time with Edward was enough to keep her somewhat local, considering that he would never leave Forks until he knew for certain that Bella would never be coming back.

The rain fell steadily and warm and she made sure she grabbed her umbrella before she headed upstairs towards Edward's studio. As she parked her car in the parking lot, she glanced up and saw a light shining through the tiny window of his studio. Even if he was in the middle of a lesson, Edward would motion for her to wait a few minutes so she wouldn't go. Alice knew when she opened the door exactly what kind of mood Edward was in. She let herself stay downstairs in the stairwell for a few minutes so she could listen to the piano singing its melancholy into the air. She had no doubt as to who the composer was.

Alice remembered the songs Edward used to play for her to make her feel better when she was younger. It would start off somber to reflect her current mood but always by the end of the song the notes would transform into some type of positive energy. Alice could see the light at the end of the tunnel and she would kiss Edward thankfully on the cheek, practically skipping out of the room, her mood shifting into the other direction.

This song had no positive energy. Instead, she listened to the beautifully sad notes merge together to form one big ball of despair. The ending was powerful and as he lingered to its ending, it left her with a sad feeling. Edward's music was a glimpse into his soul and Alice knew his soul was still searching for answers to those unanswered questions. Alice knew he always would be. With a shake of her head and a slight kick of her heel, she was determined to bring Edward, the real Edward, out again. At least for dinner.

She headed upstairs.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"So you want to go out. Why am I not surprised?" Edward asked his sister as she made her way further into his studio. "Some things will never change."

"Come on, I have a husband who is in California for some conference, parents who are losing their minds over some silly barbeque, and I'm absolutely starving and was in the area. Of course I want to see you, too." Alice walked over and gave Edward a quick hug as he sat at his piano bench. Alice plopped down onto a couch that Edward had placed on the wall near the window. "Unless you have a lesson or something."

"No, no. Just finished up for the day actually," Edward said, running a hand through his hair. "I could probably use a drink, though." He knew it would take more than a drink to forget about his most recent Bella memory. He was grateful for the grand piano that blocked Alice's view, otherwise she would have known exactly what it was that Edward was remembering. She would have seen it. He shook his head quickly, trying to shake his head of the images of Bella from his mind. At this rate, he would have to stay hidden behind the piano all night and Alice would have been treated to the finest take out in the town.

"Okay, great! It's settled then. I was thinking of trying that new restaurant that opened up down the street, have you heard anything about it?" Alice questioned. Edward shrugged. He didn't care where they went. He didn't care about anything. He went about locking up his studio for the night, making sure everything was in its proper case and proper spot. If there was one thing that irked him it was having his studio in disarray. His life was a poster of chaos but his studio would never be.

"I'll follow you?" Alice asked as they walked down the stairs and into the parking lot. Edward nodded with a sigh, wishing he could just go home. He locked the door and turned towards Alice. His spunky little sister knew he had a soft spot for her and she played that card every chance she got. He was able to read her like a book so he knew her hunger was not the only reason she wanted to spend time with him. Edward had to admit that he enjoyed spending time with Alice; she was the only one out of his whole family that understood what he was going through. Their whole family adored Bella but it was Edward and Alice that took her leaving the hardest. Edward lost the love of his life, and Alice lost her best friend. Those two positions in life - lover and friend - was not something that could be replaced easily. Edward felt he could open up more to Alice than anyone else and Alice knew that, which was why he found himself in the trendy new restaurant a block and half down from his studio. Edward wondered what town could possibly have a small convenience store and a new trendy restaurant within a quarter mile of each other. He pictured the local members of the lumber union at a restaurant that served twenty different kinds of Cosmopolitans. The two images just didn't match up.

The restaurant was as modern as it could get and he felt underdressed. The lighting was so dim that it almost gave him a headache and the sleek monaic floors looked like they came straight from Pompeii. Alice, of course, fit right in with her designer suit and impeccable shoes and he tried to ignore it as he sat down at their table. He looked at the menu but barely read the offerings; he didn't think this was a pizza or burger and beer establishment. He should have talked Alice out of coming here. Too late.

"So, school is out! You must be thrilled!" Alice began. Edward groaned and dropped his head to his chest, inhaling and exhaling deeply. Didn't he have this exact conversation with Emmett in the morning? He was tempted to tell Alice that she and Emmett should probably compare notes before talking to him so they would have something new to report back to their mother. The waiter came to take their drink order and when he left Edward answered her.

"Yep, school's out for summer. Summer school starts next week though so I'm looking forward to that."

"Who looks forward to summer school, Edward, honestly?" She gave him an annoyed look. "You know those kids absolutely loathe stepping foot into a school in the summer, let alone having to sit in a library for four hours listening to a teacher drone on and on about some inane topic that they'll never need in the real world. No offense."

"Real good, Alice. Insulting me is a sure way to lift my spirits."

"I'm not trying to insult you, you know that. I just know why you're doing it."

"Doing what?"

"Throwing yourself into doing something that you honestly don't want to do. You used to want to spend your summers on your boat, sailing to God knows where. What happened to that dream?"

"Dreams aren't always that great," he said and shifted back slightly in his seat so the waiter could place his drink in front of him. He thought back to his dream the night before and took a big gulp of his drink. Cold and numbing. Perfect. "Sometimes dreams are meant to be held out of reach."

"Yeah, I don't know what that means. To be honest I'm just bummed that I couldn't crash your little trip around the Seven Seas. You know Jasper and I didn't buy a boat because we figured you'd take us wherever we'd want," Alice said in a serious tone but gave Edward a wink. "What am I going to do now, go home and tell him we can't sail to Tahiti because you have to teach _summer school_? He'd divorce me." Edward laughed this time, shaking his head at his brother in law and just how opposite he was to the picture Alice was painting at the moment.

"Tahiti, huh? Why does it have to be someplace difficult? Why can't you be happy with a quick weekend adventure?"

"Because a weekend adventure is something I can do on my own. You're my big brother with a boat - you're supposed to come up with all these exotic places to take me."

"You're right, there's a section in the manual stating that I'm solely responsible for taking my little sister around the world."

"See? Problem solved." Alice looked over at him across the table and reached for his hand. "Seriously, summer school is just something to keep you occupied. Isn't it exhausting trying to come up with things to keep you occupied? Aren't you tired of it all?"

"Of course I'm tired. Of course it's exhausting." He put his drink heavily down onto the table, his ice crashing against the sides of the glass. "You know what's even more exhausting? My thoughts. Imagine having the same thoughts over and over in your head for five years with absolutely no way to stop them or tune them out. That is what is exhausting." His eyes flashed with frustration and he sighed. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to be rude. It's just that if I can find anything, anything at all, to occupy my mind, I'll do it. Even fucking _summer school_." Alice nodded, understanding apparent in all of her features.

"We just miss you, that's all." Her voice was a whisper. A defeated whisper. She knew the topic had run its course for the evening and they would be moving on in another conversational direction.

"I miss me, too."

The waiter, who had been waiting impatiently on the other side of the room for the siblings to enter a lull in their discussion, strolled over to them to take their dinner order. It seemed as good time as any to interrupt and from the looks of it, they were grateful for the interruption, as well. The waiter was halfway across the dining room when he heard a loud screech from another patron.

"Edward Cullen, is that you?!"

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Bella sunk deeply into her beach chair, digging her toes into the sand. The sand was cool between her toes, as it usually was in the evenings, and she welcomed it with opened arms. Renesmee frolicked a few feet away from her in the surf, her swimmies and tube nearly swallowing her whole. Everything about her just looked...inflatable. Bella laughed to herself and took out her planner, thinking that her planner had grown exponentially heavy in the past week. It had been a little over a week since Charlie's accident, and Bella had thrown herself into planning the rest of the summer schedule for the store in order for her to be more available to Charlie. She had spoken to him a few times, briefly, but enough to shake off some of the mental anguish that she had found herself swimming in. He was by no means out of the woods but closer to recovery than he had been. Bella was grateful for that.

It was the middle of June and Bella's planner was already opened to the end of August and she was satisfied with the summer layout. She had spent the past week on the phone with dozens of authors who were planning on stopping by the store on their promotional tours. She scheduled eight book signings, planned her themed writing sessions with pre-approved topics, and was working on finalizing the books she wanted for the book clubs the next few weeks. All in all, she felt confident in her managerial decisions and didn't feel the least bit guilty when she closed her planner for the night. She reached for her phone and typed a fast text message to Kate.

_Think we could change Tuesday's staff meeting for tomorrow morning, 7 am?_ - Bella.

_Ouch. Obviously you're not thinking of your college aged staffers who are probably going to bed around then._ - Kate the Great.

_My staffers don't do that._ - Bella.

_Of course they do._ - Kate the Great.

_I didn't._ - Bella.

_Remember when I said that you're always the exception to the rule?_ - Kate the Great.

_Yes._ - Bella.

_This is one of those rules. 7 am, last minute, I'll see what I can do._ - Kate the Great.

_Thanks. Love you_. - Bella.

_I don't think you do. You're calling a meeting at 7 am tomorrow morning. Really not feeling the love. At all._ - Kate the Great.

_I'll bring breakfast._ - Bella.

_I'd kick you out of your own meeting if you didn't. _- Kate the Great.

Bella smiled happily to herself and placed her planner in her beach chair, brushing the sand off of her clothes in the process. Grabbing one of Renesmee's sandpails, she walked down to the water to join Renesmee in searching for the prettiest seashell in all of Florida. They had found quite a few beauties in their explorations and Renesmee dropped a few into the sandpail in Bella's hand. These were the moments that Bella used to get through her grief and anger when it came to remembering Edward. Renesmee's dark hair managed to catch the fading embers of the sun perfectly, and Bella noticed the natural strands that were highlighted a deep bronze. It almost sparkled in the air, and it served as constant reminder as to where she came from. If the bronze highlights weren't enough, Renesmee's green eyes danced across the beach, excitement splashing in rays everywhere her eyes landed. Her eyes were a dead giveaway. This was Edward Cullen reincarnated.

As much as Bella didn't want their time on the beach to end, they eventually called it a night, packed up their belongings and walked the handful of feet that stood between the beach and their back patio. She slid the door open so Renesmee could squeeze through, careful not to let Rochester dart out. Rochester was an indoor cat but loved to sneak out and play with the baby Gecko's whenever he got the chance. Bella would never forget coming home from work one night to Rochester sitting on the kitchen counter with a tail hanging from the corner of his mouth. Because of that incident, Bella and Renesmee had learned to squeeze through tiny spaces so poor Rochester couldn't sneak out to play.

She gave Renesmee a bath, put her to sleep and Bella was thankful that the day's activities had allowed Renesmee to go down a little faster. Bella had gotten a message from Kate saying that their meeting was a go for the following morning, and Bella needed and wanted all the rest she could get.

Tomorrow was going to be a big day.

Bella was true to her word and arrived at the store with a dozen bagels with various spreads by 6:30 the following morning. She made sure the Keurig was fully stocked with multiple caffeinated beverages, and then went to work on making a dozen copies of her summer layout for her employees. There weren't many of them, maybe twelve or so, so it didn't take her long to finish with the copier before she set up each spot in the conference room next to her office. She used the word conference room very loosely; it was actually a room with a large circular table that could fit nine people comfortably, ten if everyone held their breath. It also served as the employee cafeteria.

She made sure each employee had their own copy of the schedule and detailed descriptions of each author that was coming to the store. They also each had a copy of her lesson plans for her reading and writing clubs. The first employee to join her was Maggie, followed by Heidi, and soon almost everyone was ready to go by 7:00 on the dot. Kate scrambled in ten minutes later, apologizing with a show of her hand.

"You know, the assistant manager shouldn't be showing up late to meetings," Bella chided jokingly, pointing to the last available seat at the table.

"Hey, you didn't have to listen to this guy bitch and moan for an hour about said meeting," Kate growled, pointing over to Liam who barely had his eyes opened. "Ten minutes is nothing compared to what I had to go through."

"Alright, alright. Let's get started, shall we?" Bella dismissed Kate with a smile and a wave of her hand and brought everyone's attention to the piles of papers in front of them." Did you all look over your information?" Kate held up her finger, indicating Bella to wait while she browsed through the contents.

"Got it," she said, placing the papers down in front of her. "You've scheduled our entire summer."

"Yes, I did. There were three reasons for that," she said. "First, I liked the idea of planning this far in advance. It allows us to fully prepare and educate ourselves with the content these authors are promoting; it gives us a chance to plan ahead for staffing situations. For example, you know we're going to have to double the staff here when that one author, Lance Bishop, stops by."

"You booked Lance Bishop?" Heidi asked dreamily. "He's so cute. I'm definitely pulling a double that day."

"Second," Bella said, ignoring Heidi's remark, "it gives us the opportunity for each of us to be assigned a certain responsibility. The more time one has to focus on a specific task allows for better quality work."

"Like what?" Liam asked. "I'm just a cashier. Am I going to be assigned to polish the pennies?"

"Pretty soon you're going to be polishing windshields down by the streetlight on Wilson Avenue," Kate retorted.

"No, but I am trying to have our customers see that we are all an efficient unified front," Bella paused for a moment before continuing. "I want you to know about these authors, Liam. I want to feel confident, as your boss, that when a customer comes up to you and talks to you about Lance Bishop, you respond like you have some knowledge on the subject, and I most assuredly don't want to hear you say that he hasn't been doing much since 'N Sync broke up."

"Isn't that Lance Bass?" A voice quipped from the other side of the table.

"Yes, but the point is that I would like you to know the difference between the two."

"It's so easy to tell the difference between them. They look absolutely nothing alike," Heidi defended.

"Okay, enough, you're all making me have flashbacks of the most awkward years of my life," Kate interrupted. "What's the third?"

"Third what?" Bella asked, taking her attention away from Liam and Heidi.

"You said you had three reasons for planning this all out. Thank you, by the way. Gives me more time to stare at the spin instructor from across the street. Have you seen his calf muscles?"

"Yes, three reasons. First, time to prepare and educate. Second, individualized responsibility. And third," Bella paused and stared Kate straight in the eyes, "I'll be taking the summer off to go take care of a few things across the country."

Liam let his head roll back, realizing that with Bella gone the shit could possibly just hit the fan. This meant he would actually have to work at the front desk instead of playing Solitaire. He kissed his summer goodbye.

Heidi and Maggie screeched simultaneously, eyes popping out of their heads, before beginning to bombard Bella with question after question.

Peter wondered if Lance Bishop could hook him up with his hot publicist.

Kate, meanwhile, remained in her seat, a slow smile beginning to beam proudly off of her face. She was proud of her best friend in every sense of the word. The smile disappeared once Bella told her that Kate would be in charge of it all.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"Edward Cullen, is that you?!"

Ever hear a sound or a voice that makes the hair on the back of the neck stand straight up? It reminded him of fingernails on a chalkboard, or fingernails on an ice cube. It reminded him of when Emmett went to kick a soccer ball Edward was holding in front of his lap but missed and kicked him straight in the balls. He glanced over his shoulder to where the sound of the voice was coming from, and he wished he was sitting a little closer to the kitchen so he could throw himself into the oven at max temperature. The last thing he needed was a run in with -

"Jessica Stanley," he greeted when she got closer to him, "it's been a while." _Not long enough._

"Too long," she gushed and threw her arms around him in a hug. She looked over at Alice and said hello, nothing like her greeting with Edward. "Mind if I join you for a minute? My table isn't ready yet." Edward wanted to tell her that yes, he did mind and that they were in fact, sitting at a crowded table for two already, but Jessica was too fast and grabbed an extra chair from the table next to theirs.

His day started off with him just missing the color of chestnut in his dream. Then he had his whole encounter with Emmett. Then a few long sessions of lessons, followed by an almost too real memory of him and Bella in the meadow, of which his arousal was evident, of which his sister may or may not have seen. Then an impromptu yet arranged dinner with Alice. Now Jessica fucking Stanley, Miss Teen Pep from high school. He wondered if his mother would be waiting for him at home with his clean laundry of tighty whities from when he was eight. Just one of those days where it just keeps getting worse.

"So, how've you been?" She reached over to touch his arm and he caught a glimpse of a shimmer coming from her left hand. She didn't let him answer. "I've been good - Mike finally popped the question! Can you believe it! She squealed, showing them both her hand. Edward and Alice nodded their appreciation.

"No, I can't believe it. Not at all," Edward said and finished the remainder of his drink. Alice shot him a look that clearly said he was being rude.

"So I hear you're a teacher now?" Jessica asked.

"Yeah, yeah. Right outside of Forks. Didn't want to teach in a high school where I spent my own four years of hell," he joked. He was trying. "Who wants to relive high school?"

"Not all of your high school years were bad," Alice spoke. "We had some really great times."

"Speaking of high school, you'll never guess what happened. I work over at the hospital, and Charlie Swan was admitted the other night. He was in some type of accident."

Before Alice could even restrain Edward in his seat, she looked over and all she saw was his napkin flickering to the floor, his chair in the process of tilting over to the side. Her eyes lifted from their table and she was just able to make out the back of a bronzed head flying out the front door of the restaurant.

He was gone, and she knew exactly where he was going.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-


	7. Chapter 7

**I guess it's time for a disclaimer. I do not own the characters in this story; they own me. They belong to this woman named Stephenie, I believe! :p**

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

_"He's a real nowhere man_

_Sitting in his nowhere land_

_Making all his nowhere plans_

_For nobody."_

_- "Nowhere Man", The Beatles_

_-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-_

For once in his life Edward was glad to have run into Jessica Stanley. How she was a registered nurse and was actually trusted to care for the wellbeing of others, he'd never understand but was grateful, nonetheless. He pressed his foot harder on the gas pedal and cursed the truck that slowed down in front of him, causing him to slam hard on his brakes. He was aware of the irony - almost getting into a car accident while on the way to the hospital to visit another person who was in an accident a few days before, and he would have laughed if he wasn't so focused on getting to the hospital. A brief thought crossed his mind and he managed to catch it before it flitted away and he reached for his phone before he realized what he was doing.

The number was etched into his memory so there was no way in hell that he could ever forget it. He dialed the numbers without looking, his eyes focused on the yellow lines in the middle of the road. It was still raining, of course, and he was used to driving in bad weather, but he took caution around the curves of the lane. He held the phone up to his ear and a few seconds later he heard the familiar response, the same response he heard every time he got the courage to call. Yes, he knew the number was disconnected. She had disconnected it the day she left yet he still hoped that someday her soft voice would float through the phone and into his ear. Of course, today was no different.

He wondered if someone had made her aware of her father's condition. He wondered if her father was even lucid enough to be aware of his own condition, and soon another thought crossed his mind and it hit him so forcefully that he thought he would have to pull over for a minute. What if she was there to see Charlie?

What if she was home?

Five years of longing boiled within the pits of his stomach, and he maneuvered his car around the truck that seemed to be placed there only to piss him off. Edward was never one to drive under the speed limit, and tonight he had even more reason to be a speed demon, as his mother called him. He wanted to throw his phone out the fucking window but instead he dialed another familiar number and tried to wait patiently for someone on the other end to pick up.

His parents usually picked up right away once they saw that it was Edward who was calling, but tonight was the night that their voicemail greeted Edward instead.

"You've got be fucking kidding me," Edward growled, this time tossing his phone roughly into the passenger seat next to him. With one hand he held the wheel tightly in his grasp, and with the other he ran his fingers through his hair, quickly making the bronze strands of hair stand in every direction. He looked like he had been electrocuted from the lightning that was dotting the sky a few miles back, and he didn't even care. He only cared about Charlie and the highly doubtful but still present thought that Bella could be coming back to him.

His relationship with Charlie had been strained in the beginning, and Edward thought it was because he had been Bella's first, well, everything. Edward knew

that every time he had taken Bella's hand, or kissed her cheek, or covered her up in one of his sweatshirts, that he was slowly taking over the role that Charlie had portrayed in Bella's life. For seventeen years Charlie had been Bella's protector and Charlie had found that cutting the strings away from him and Bella was a lot harder than he thought it was going to be. It took time but eventually Charlie and Edward had fallen into a comfortable and steady relationship. He had even accompanied him on a few fishing trips, and apparently, Charlie didn't go fishing with just anybody.

So when Edward saw that the hospital was only a handful of miles away, he convinced himself that he was going to see how an old friend was recovering, and that was all. Edward felt that it was the least he could do after everything he had put the Swan family through, and so he felt justified about his visit to Charlie. He had every right to see him.

Didn't he?

He tried to shake off the nerves that made his fingers shake by putting his window down a little bit but he found that the wet air did absolutely nothing to calm him down. Instead images of his last visit with Charlie blocked his vision of the road, and this time he did pull the car over to the shoulder.

"She left, Edward." Charlie had said and placed a gentle hand on Edward's shoulder, patting it softly. "I'm sorry to be the one to tell you."

"She left? What do you mean, 'she left'?" Panic had made itself known in Edward's voice and he looked his fierce eyes into Charlie's.

"What else can it mean? She left. Gone. She took a plane out of Forks this morning," Charlie had said sadly and looked upwards towards the gray sky. "I took her to the airport myself."

"What? Why?" Edward shouted, trying to step in front of Charlie as he started to make his way back inside the house. "Where did she go?"

"Look, I'm under strict orders on what I can say to you," Charlie held his hands up in mock surrender, showing the signs of a father that did not know what was going through his daughter's mind. "Here, take this," he said, handing Edward a letter from his back pocket, "it's the only thing I'm allowed to say. It's from Bella." His voice broke when he spoke her name so he quickly placed the letter in Edward's hands and walked away.

Edward looked at the letter in his hand, clearly addressed to him in Bella's loopy handwriting, and angrily threw it onto the ground. He stormed in front of Charlie's path, blocking him from going inside.

"I don't want a fucking letter, Chief Swan." Edward was on the verge of losing his mind and the two men knew it. "Please, just tell me where she is." Charlie sighed loudly, cursing the fact that he had no choice but to fight in a battle that he knew nothing about. He wished someone had written a book on how to raise a daughter so he could have been prepared for an event like this. He had his own method but as far as Charlie knew, shooting a boyfriend, possibly ex boyfriend, of your daughter was still very much illegal. Maybe he could just take out his gun to scare him a little bit? He was pretty sure that was still allowed. But instead he sat down on the steps leading up to his front porch, motioning Edward to sit down next to him. The truth was that Edward had turned out to be a great man over the years, and leveling with him would be the best option. He had been in Edward's shoes once before - he had woken up to find the love of his life and their daughter gone, leaving only their memories behind. He knew how lost Edward would be. He had lived it.

On the other hand, he saw the heartbreak on his daughter's face as he left her at the airport earlier in the morning, and knew that Bella was rational enough to not make a hasty decision such as this unless there was just cause.

"I can't tell you where she went, Edward." Charlie paused. "She is my daughter so obviously I have to respect her wishes first. I can tell you this though, and like I said before I'm sorry to be the one to tell you but -"

"Oh God, please, Charlie, I'll do anything. Just tell me," Edward had almost begged him right there on his front porch. "I'll do anything."

"She won't be coming back," Charlie choked out. "She's not coming back to Forks. And Edward, you said you'd do anything?" Edward managed to find the words that were suffocating within his chest.

"Yes, anything."

"Here's what you can do," Charlie said, his voice turning cold. "Leave. Now. And don't come back here again."

So he didn't.

The lightning flashed inside of Edward's car on the side of the road, and he began to second guess his decision to see Charlie. He made it clear at their last visit that he was no longer welcome in their lives and here Edward was, about to charge right into his hospital room and start feeding him Jell-O. He needed advice, badly, and almost shouted euphorically when he saw his phone light up the passenger seat next to him. He looked at the number and answered hurriedly.

"Dad? Can you hear me?"

"Hello, Edward. Yes I can, barely. Where are you? Is everything alright?" Worry dripped off of the voice belonging to the eldest Cullen, and Edward sat back slowly into his seat, momentarily relaxing at the sound of his father, Carlisle's, voice.

"Yes, yes, I'm fine. I'm on my way to the hospital."

"Hospital? I thought you said you were fine!" Carlisle voice rose with concern.

"I am, Dad, I swear," Edward stopped before continuing. "Did you know anything about Chief Swan being admitted into the hospital here in Forks?" Edward was answered with silence on the other end of the phone and he knew what his father's response would be. "I'm assuming one of your golf buddies told you."

"Actually, no. This is the first I'm hearing about it. Remember I work in Seattle, now? My contacts at Forks have dwindled over the years."

"Bullshit," Edward spat. "When did you find out?"

"Edward, I'm telling you the truth, I knew nothing about Chief Swan. I wouldn't have wanted to tell you but you know I would have," Carlisle's voice softened and Edward closed his eyes. "Are you sure you want to go down this road?"

"Yeah, I have to. He's a great man that deserves some type of respect," Edward said. "I'll just wish him a speedy recovery and get the fuck out of there."

"Just think this through before you jump, please. Neither of you may be ready for the consequences." Father and son sat quietly together over the phone, the younger of the two letting the words weigh heavily on his mind. His father was very smart and very wise and had never lead Edward down a path that was troubled. He had been the one to convince Edward to maintain somewhat of a life after Bella left. Edward thought hard for a moment about the life he was living and realized that Alice was right. He wasn't living. He had nothing to live for.

"Well," Edward said, "when you've got nothing, you've got nothing to lose. I'll let you know if he slaps a restraining order on me." He said goodbye to his father, hung up the phone, and peeled off of the shoulder of the road, determined to face whatever comes his way.

He was doing the right thing.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"Momma, can I bring my trophy to Chollipop's house?" Renesmee shouted from her bedroom. "He's going to love it!"

Bella smiled from her place at the kitchen table where she was writing down a list of things for Renee to check up on daily while the two of them were gone. She thought it was endearing the names that Renesmee had given her grandparents. When Renesmee was born, Renee was not ready to be called 'grandma', so she had taken the latter part of her first name and combined it with 'Nana', to form Nayna. Renesmee had picked it up right away and soon she was taught to call her grandfather 'Chollipop' because he wanted to be called 'Pop', and she wanted to call him Charlie like her mommy did sometimes, so the compromise was to combine Charlie and Pop. That was how Chollipop was born, and what made it even more fun was that it rhymed with Lollipop, which was Renesmee's most favoritest thing in the whole wide world. That, and her newly acquired soccer trophy.

"Sure, " Bella said, "but wait for Mommy to get it down -" Too late. There was a crash and soon a minute later Rochester was speeding out of Renesmee's bedroom just as fast as Bella ran in. Luckily, the noise was the worst of the disaster, and Renesmee walked away unscathed, clutching her trophy to her chest before placing it on top of the pile in her suitcase. While Bella's heart returned to her normal speed, she eyed the materials that Renesmee had packed in her pink sparkly suitcase. Bella knew that most of it would have to be left here and she would have to repack everything while Renesmee slept. Their flight was scheduled to leave early the following morning, so Bella was determined to have everything packed the night before in order to have a smooth departure. She could easily picture herself flying through the airport with their luggage banging recklessly on the linoleum floor behind them, Renesmee tucked under her arm, feet and arms flailing wildly. That was a nightmare that she would make sure not to come true.

"Did you pack Baby?" Bella asked Renesmee, scratching her eyebrow slowly as she watched Renesmee try to shove her Barbie playhouse into her suitcase. Renesmee pursed her lips thoughtfully, a confused look on her face, and closing the suitcase lid, she quickly sat down on top of it. Bella heard the first crack of the Barbie playhouse and gently removed Renesmee from her perch on top of the suitcase. "Some things have to stay home, sweetie. I'm sure Chollipop has fun things for you to play with at his house."

"Chollipop plays with Barbies, too?" Renesmee asked excitedly.

"You never know, he's pretty good with surprises when it comes to you," Bella laughed, and thought about the soft spot Charlie had for his only granddaughter. Even though they only saw each other a few times a year when Charlie came out to Florida to visit, the two of them spoke daily on the phone, usually forgetting that Bella liked to have the opportunity to talk to her father as well. Charlie made sure he was familiar with the latest trends in the toy world, telling Bella that he liked being a "hip" grandfather. Bella didn't have the heart to tell him that those who used the word "hip" to describe themselves, were quite, not.

"Will his boo boos be gone by tomorrow when we get there? I want him to play with me. " Renesmee asked. Bella shook her head softly.

"Probably not, kiddo. He'll feel much better when he sees you, though. Oh look, here's Baby." Bella reached across the bed and grabbed the doll that was the permanent shadow of the little girl who stood next to her. "We can't forget Baby." She handed the doll to Renesmee, and motioned her head towards the bed so Renesmee could slide under the covers. Renesmee frowned momentarily before listening to her mother. She didn't understand why she had to go to sleep. Didn't her mommy know that she could be missing so many fun things? Those were things that a four year old just simply could not miss.

Eventually sleep took over, and Bella busied herself with finishing up their suitcases, making sure they had their boarding passes and the proper items in their carry on bag. A little while later, a soft knock appeared at her door and soon Kate was sitting on the couch in Bella's living room. The two friends chatted quietly, mostly about Chapter Chat and Kate as its' temporary manager, and since Rochester was going to be spending the summer with Auntie Kate, Kate needed a rundown of all things pertaining to Sir Rochester. Soon the conversation changed to more serious issues.

"You're doing the right thing," Kate put her hand on Bella's knee. "You'll look back on this experience and be thankful that you went."

"Then why is this so terrifying?" Bella asked, placing her empty wine glass on her coffee table.

"Doing the right thing usually is," Kate said. "That's part of why doing the right thing is so self gratifying. It means that you conquered some type of personal fear and lived to tell about it."

"I survived Edward Cullen once," Bella said, "I'm not sure I can survive him again."

"You're not going to see him, Bella; you're going to help your father. That is your number one priority. Keep reminding yourself of that a few times a day and you should be fine." Bella nodded in agreement, letting Kate know she heard her loud and clear. Her father was her focus. Not Edward. Charlie.

As Kate was heading out the door with Rochester's toys in a small box and a promise to pick up the cat in the afternoon the following day, Bella called out to her from the front porch.

"What happens if I see him? Edward, I mean." Bella asked nervously, her fingers twisting the ends of her hair quickly.

"You know what will happen; I don't have to tell you that. Just promise to call me and we'll walk through it together." Kate said seriously, blew Bella a kiss goodbye, and left with a small smile on her face.

Once Bella was satisfied with all her preparations, she settled down into the cool confines of her mattress, making sure to set two alarms so not to oversleep the following morning. She knew she would probably be wide awake all night, so she decided to seek comfort from Rochester, who had no objections when Bella lightly scratched behind his ear. His purring filled the quiet room and somehow it lulled Bella into a light slumber. Soon it would be morning, and her life balanced perpetually on its axis. Her life could possibly be forever changed, or it would stay the same.

She didn't know what was worse.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Edward waited until there were only the last ten minutes of visiting hours left, and slipped quietly into the hospital. He had gotten to know the ins and outs of the hospital during Carlisle's reign, and he perfected it to the point that no one really noticed that he was going in while everyone else was going out. He knew there was a great supply closet on the third floor that he and Bella had often escaped to back in the day, emerging with tangled hair and rumpled clothing and big smiles. He knew there was a nurse in pediatrics that Edward may or may not have but probably didn't call back after a wild night some time last year, so he made sure to stay clear of that general wing of the hospital. He tried to look nonchalant as he made his way to Charlie Swan's room in the intensive care unit, but really his heart was starting to sound like a flock of hummingbirds in his ribcage. He didn't even know if hummingbirds flew in flocks; he just knew that it was threatening enough to fly Edward off of his feet.

His feet slowed when he saw the numbered rooms narrowing down to Charlie's, and he pretended to be super interested in the brochure on the wall talking about the importance of physical therapy when a nurse walked by him with her nose buried deep within a chart. He breathed a sigh of relief and paused outside of the room, wondering what he would do if he walked in and saw her there. Would he freeze? Would he accidentally throw the brochure he now held in his hands at her face and run in the opposite direction? Would he spill his heart to her, telling her that he still loved her, that he never stopped, and had waited for this day to come?

Edward knew that his time was limited and so he slipped quietly into the room, deciding that whatever it was that he was to face that night, was something he would not be prepared for even if he had known she would be coming home. What he saw saddened him and relieved him at the same time. First he noticed there was only one person in the room, and that it was not Bella. That was what relieved him; he realized then that he didn't think he was ready to see her just yet. He had imagined it countless times in his mind and in his dreams, but to confront it head on was something completely different.

What saddened him was the man that was sleeping in the bed next to monotone beeps that disturbed the silence. Edward walked over to the bed slowly as if in a trance, not feeling his feet moving beneath him. He saw the plaster that was helping to keep Charlie together for the time being and saw a few nasty cuts that were trying to heal beneath the harsh blackness of the stitches. His black mustache had faded somewhat over the years, and Edward smiled ruefully when he remembered Bella telling him that Charlie was calling it "light black". He had the same light black situation happening on the sides of his head from what Edward could see in the silver light of the room. The light from the television overhead trickled over Charlie and Edward wondered how the man could even sleep with the frantic movements from the TV. He turned it off quietly, switching on a soft light so he could see if Charlie woke up.

Edward knew he didn't have a lot of time before someone found him and made him leave, so he sat down in the chair next to the bed and pulled out a small black object from his pocket, turning it over briefly in his hand before bringing it to his mouth. He didn't know what possessed him to grab his Ocarina from his studio before he left for the restaurant with Alice, but he was glad he did as the soft sounds of the instrument filtered around Charlie's bedside. Luckily Edward was able to play it softly enough as to not wake him, and he hoped that somewhere in his subconscious, Charlie was finding peace with Edward's music. He had heard numerous times over the years that his music often brought people to positive planes and he hoped it had the same effect now.

Edward left ten minutes later with a feeling he hadn't felt in years. Hope brimmed the depths of his heart and he couldn't wait until the next day so he could do it all over again.

He was going back.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"And you have your boarding passes?" Renee asked frantically, unzipping and opening Bella's purse for the fourth time that morning. "You need to be prepared at the gate so there won't be - " Bella cut her off.

"Mom, I've got everything," Bella said. She knew that she could quite possibly be leaving behind her self control, dignity, and pride, but she definitely had her boarding passes. "We're ready to go." That said, Bella reached over to pull her mother in for a long hug. "Love you."

"Oh sweetie, I love you, too. Come here Renesmee, give Nayna a hug goodbye." Renee scooped the little girl up in her arms, closed her eyes as if she was engraving the moment into her mind. "I'm going to miss you so much!"

A few minutes later and a few more rounds of goodbyes, Renee watched as Bella and Renesmee whisked through the airport, hand in hand. Renesmee insisted on wheeling her own suitcase to the check in area, and Renee shook her head and laughed when she saw the suitcase get stuck in one of the revolving doors. Bella rolled her eyes and the two of them waved to Renee after the suitcase was rescued. Renee felt a lump form in her throat and she couldn't help the tears that fell from her eyes. She was a blubbering mess by the time she got back to her husband, Phil, who was waiting for her in the car.

"It's okay; it's just for a few weeks. They'll be back before you know it." Renee shook her head at her husband's words.

"It's not that," Renee sniffled and looked back longingly at the airport. "After this trip, things will never be the same again."

"What do you mean?" Phil asked, weaving the car into the throng of airport traffic.

"He's going to tell her."

"Charlie? Tell her what?" Phil tried to keep up.

"Not Charlie. Edward. He's going to tell her everything."

The sound of thunder boomed heavily above them.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

**A/N: A Big Thank You goes out to all of you (yeah, you!) reading this story. I know you're all probably thinking that Bella and Edward are never going to meet up by this point, but believe me, they are. I am just a firm believer in character development so I tend to focus on that first and foremost before diving headfirst into the heavy stuff. No worries, I have plans for Bella and Edward in the future. Until then, sit back and enjoy the ride. And reviews make the chapters come faster! Seriously, they do. **


	8. Chapter 8

_"Said you had a thing or two to tell me._

_How was I to know you would upset me?_

_I didn't realize_

_As I looked in your eyes_

_You told me, oh, yes, you told me_

_You don't want my lovin' anymore_

_That's when it hurt me_

_And feeling like this_

_I just can't go on anymore."_

_- "I Need You", The Beatles_

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

_I just can't go on anymore."_

Bella hated connecting flights, and she hated them even more having to do so with a cranky four year old. She hated to be 'that mother', the one who could not control her own child on an airplane, but she just had to shake her head and realize that was exactly who she was. She sent out numerous apologies to her fellow passengers, tried to ignore the rude stares coming from the people around her, and hoped her pleas didn't fall on deaf ears. If there was something Renesmee could whine about, she did so accordingly and everyone on the plane heard. At one point she just had to agree with the little girl that sometimes traveling was just plain awful. She didn't even want to see what the three hour time difference would do to them the next day.

The entire plane ride wasn't so terrible; they had enjoyed themselves during the first flight before their layover. This was Renesmee's first time on a plane and she found herself mesmerized by the white, puffy clouds that seemed to be an arms' reach away. Bella didn't have the heart to tell her that soon those white clouds would be replaced by dark and heavy clouds of charcoal gray.

It did not go unnoticed to Bella that the clouds that hung over the Olympic Peninsula matched the storm that brewed in the pit of her stomach. Her mind had been plagued with dark thoughts the minute the wheels lifted off the ground, and it bothered her that those thoughts had nothing to do with her father. She was supposed to be thinking of her father since he was the reason for her going back home. Instead, she found herself thinking of bronzed hair and velvet laughter and endless green eyes.

Guilt was an emotion that Bella hated the most and tried to make it a point in her life to never experience it again. She tried to live a life with no regrets despite the fact that looking at her daughter everyday reminded her of the one regret she did not know how to fix. Renesmee herself was the best thing that ever happened to Bella, but the regret of denying Edward the right to even know she existed was something Bella wrestled with everyday.

How could she not think of him when she was returning to the very place where she saw him last?

She felt the normal tugs on her heartstrings and gently hit the headrest of her airplane seat with the back of her head. She had no control over what particular memory would choose to float to the surface; sometimes she would remember the way he would always put her needs above his own; sometimes it was how soft his hands felt as they ghosted across her skin. Sometimes she would remember the way he would talk of their lives together down the road and how deliriously happy those words made her feel. But as the captain announced that the plane would begin making their final descent, Bella remembered the coolness of Edward's voice and the emptiness in his eyes as he told her he didn't want a life with her like he thought he did.

Back then, every morning she would roll over and grab her cell phone, eager to read the message that Edward would have sent to her. It was a tradition of sorts; Edward would always be up early to rise and as not to wake her, he would send her a message that would make her mouth smile and her heart soar. She would read it over a few times before calling him and he would pick up the phone almost on the first ring, as if the separation from the night hours was just too long for the two of them to endure. Hearing each other's voices would be the start of a glorious day and the promise of many more.

It is amazing how crystal clear every moment becomes in hindsight. Hindsight became a concept that Bella ultimately grew to despise because now she had the gift of viewing that specific day only within those parameters. In hindsight, Bella should have known something was different that very morning. Looking back on it, it seemed so obvious that her life was about to change and she wanted to shout to her old self to just stay in bed and never come out. If she had stayed locked behind her deep purple comforter within the calming effects of the pale green walls of her bedroom, Edward never would have been able to rip her heart into a thousand pieces and shatter whatever dreams their future held together.

The thought made her sick to her stomach as she remembered rolling over in bed that morning to reach for her phone to find that Edward did not send her a message.

She thought it odd but dismissed it, thinking that he was distracted by preparations for the annual Cullen camping trip they were all embarking on the next day. Edward and Bella were leaving for Dartmouth College the following week, her being accepted into the Comparative Literature MBA program, him into the Program of Experimental Molecular Medicine, and the Cullen family was looking forward to spending time with the two of them before they left Forks and headed off to New Hampshire. They had received their undergraduates at Washington State University and had never been more than a few hours away, so leaving to go across the country was a step both families found bittersweet. They had been loading kayaks and tents into their respective cars for the past few days, so Bella had no doubt that Alice had somehow needed Edward's help with something. Of course that was why he didn't call or text her. He was distracted.

By the time noon rolled around with no signs from Edward, Bella began to worry. After calling him and leaving repeated messages for him, he finally texted her back around three o'clock, saying that he was going to pick her up so he could get away from his house for a while. Bella smiled to herself and ran upstairs to quickly get dressed, and by the time she finished gathering her things she heard the gravel crunch beneath the tires of his car. The house was empty of course, with Charlie having gone fishing for the day, and Bella hoped Edward would come inside for a while to take advantage of the quiet in the house. Instead she walked outside to greet him and found him leaning against the hood of his silver Volvo, his hands thrust deep within his pockets. His face was focused in concentration, his eyes distant and miles away, his lips forming a straight line. All of this was oblivious to Bella at the time of course, and she wrapped her arms around his waist, tilting her head up to press a soft kiss against his lips. They slid hesitantly against her own, moving minimally from that straight line his mouth had originally been set in.

"Charlie's out," she had purred in that voice that Edward loved so much. It was the voice that had pushed him over the edge countless times and she saved it for times meant only for the two of them. "He'll be gone all day."

He ignored her and tastefully tried to untangle himself from her arms that were wrapped around her waist. "Did you want to go to the diner? I'm starving."

It was the first time Edward had ever voluntarily left her embrace and the cold tingle that shot down Bella's spine was immediate, leaving it impossible for her to brush off.

"No, I'm suddenly not hungry," she had said to him. "What's going on?"

"What do you mean? I haven't eaten all day, that's all."

"You're different." Bella moved so she was standing directly in front of his line of vision. She peered gently into his eyes, a soft smile playing on her lips as they stood in her driveway. "Come back to me."

She tried her hardest to sound strong and in control but inside she was begging and pleading for him to snap out of whatever it was that was bothering him. Normally he would have practically dragged her inside once he found out that they had a house to themselves for the afternoon, barely making it inside the house before losing themselves in one another. Again, in hindsight, Bella remembered the way he barely kissed her, shied away from her touch as if she had the cooties like Renesmee's friend at school had. He didn't greet her with the smile that usually brought Bella down to her knees. He hadn't smiled at all.

"I'm right here," he whispered, bringing one arm around Bella's neck and pulling her towards him, planting a kiss on the top of her head. "I guess there's just a lot going through my head right now."

"Like what?" Bella had asked, and she wished she hadn't. The Isabella Swan that sat clutching the airplane seat tried to tell the Isabella Swan that was about to lose everything in her childhood driveway to take the question back. To do anything to distract him so he wouldn't have to answer.

"I don't know, everything, really." He took a deep breath and removed himself away from her, standing in front of her now so she was the one leaning on the hood of the car. "I'm not going to Dartmouth." Bella struggled to pick her jaw up off the ground but when she did so she stared at him in shock.

"We're supposed to leave next week," she argued. "We signed the lease for the apartment already, too."

"I already took care of that. Your half is still paid and the guy is already calling someone on the waiting list to take my spot."

"Woah, woah, woah. What makes you think I'm going without you?" Bella responded angrily. "If you're not going, I'm not going."

"Don't be ridiculous, Bella. This is your education we're talking about. You're not going to throw it away for some guy."

"Some guy? Since when have you ever been 'some guy' to me?" She couldn't believe what she was hearing and she didn't want to hear anymore. All she wanted to do was lose herself inside of his warm arms and tender kisses.

"Since now." His voice was cold again and it reminded Bella of Forks' winters that chilled her to the bone. It was the kind of cold that was immune to the hottest of fires, the kind that froze the soul of a being upon impact.

"What the hell happened to you?" Bella had shouted. "I don't understand how just last night in the meadow you were telling me how much you loved me and how we were going to have -"

"I don't know what happened, okay?" His voice had elevated to the same level as hers and she was grateful Charlie was gone or he would have come outside to see what all the yelling was about. This was not something Bella and Edward ever did. She found it to be uncharted territory and she did not now the right way to go. "All I know is that I when I woke up this morning, I knew I didn't want it anymore."

"Okay, so we'll put off grad school for a little while. There are plenty of other choices." When Edward didn't respond to her, and when he sighed loudly, turning his back on her and walking a few steps in the opposite direction, she knew that it wasn't just grad school and Dartmouth that he didn't want anymore. It was like the air in her lungs deflated like a balloon and suddenly she was afraid that last night in the meadow was the last time she would ever get to experience being with Edward.

"You can't do this to me, Edward." Her voice was hoarse once she could find it. "Not again." She thought back to their senior year of high school when Edward unexpectedly had to follow Carlisle when he agreed to fill in for a friend on sabbatical at a hospital in Chicago.

"It's better now than in ten years from now when we wake up next to each other as strangers."

"Strangers? I can't even believe the words you're saying right now!" Anger flashed across her face and she demanded he look at her, as if he would suddenly shake his head and become the man Bella had fallen in love with.

"We've been together for five years, Bella. Maybe we should take some time apart to see if this is what we really want," he motioned between the two of them before running his hands through his hair with a loud sigh. "We'll know then if this is where we belong."

"This _is_ what we want," Bella shouted back, the tears she tried so hard to prevent began pooling in the chocolate of her eyes. "This _is_ where we belong." She closed the gap between them, taking both of his hands and interlocking them with hers, their knotted fingers resting comfortably on their touching chests. "At least this is what I thought we wanted," her whisper came out strangled.

"So did I," Edward said. "How can we know what we want when we don't know what we don't want?"

"I may not know if I'll like Dartmouth. I'm not sure if I'll like the apartment we rented; I'm not sure if I'll like being so far away from home. I'm not sure if this is the last time I'll see my truck come to life but there is one thing I know of for sure, and that is us," Bella said. "I know there is nothing out there that is better than us. Can't you feel that?"

"I used to," he nodded. "Now I don't know what to feel."

"Feel us," she begged, her forehead resting against his own. Bella was not prepared for his reply and didn't think she ever could be.

"I feel nothing." His voice silenced the air around them and with those words he severed the ties of their relationship. Bella felt the chords of her existence unravel, crumpling in a pile between their feet. Five years of a connection so intense it was hard to see where one ended and the other began, five years of butterflies and unbridled passion disappeared before her eyes. Another seventy years or so of her own life lay before her, and realizing that she would be doing it without him was the final straw that broke her. Bella was thankful she was resting some of her weight on his chest because she would have collapsed for sure if she were standing on her own.

"You promised you wouldn't leave me like this again," she cried softly. Edward didn't answer and instead slipped out of her grasps and buried his hands in his pockets again, his eyes staring at the gravel beneath their feet. After throwing her life into a tailspin in the span of an hour, the least he could do was try to apologize or look remorseful. His face of stone suddenly infuriated her.

"I can't leave you again after today," he replied. "Today is the last time." Her tiny hand, the hand that Edward had spent hours showering kisses on, mingled with strokes of affection, came down hard across his face and he staggered back a few steps, his face turning in the opposite direction in the process. Her body shook with angry sobs and when Edward turned back to look at her, she froze momentarily.

She saw it.

It was a glimpse, a fleeting glimpse at that, but she saw it. For a brief moment his mask of strong exterior melted, and she saw his own agony reflecting back at her. His face was pained, and she knew it wasn't because of the slap that stung his cheek a deep pink. He was hurting too, in his own way, and she moved closer to him quickly to capitalize on his brief display of emotion. He was too quick for her, and in a step he placed the hardened mask back on his face and walked hurriedly over to his car, ignoring her pleas for him to stay.

"If you leave, it's over," Bella threatened when he opened the door to his car. He paused, his back to her as she spoke. "I won't wait for you. I'll never forgive you for this." It didn't seem to faze him because soon after, Bella was left alone, standing in her driveway, realizing that would be the last time she would ever see Edward Cullen.

And now, as the plane landed somewhat smoothly on the Washington ground, she had a feeling that it wouldn't be long until she saw him again.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"I just don't think it's a good idea," Edward's mother, Esme, said over her shoulder. The matriarch of the Cullen family spoke with a soft but stern voice, and Edward rolled his eyes at her comment and took a swig from his cold bottle of beer. Today was the Cullen family summer barbeque, and it had been a few days since Edward's first visit to Charlie Swan's bedside at the hospital. He had been visiting the hospital at the same time for the past few nights, and had gone unnoticed. Unfortunately it seemed like he was the only one who thought there was nothing wrong with it.

"What if he wakes up when you're there? I doubt you're going to be someone that Chief Swan wants to see." Esme grabbed a kitchen glove and opened the oven to take out her infamous appetizer quiches and placed them on a cooling rack.

"You saw Chief Swan?" His sister in law Rosalie's voice filled the room and Edward cursed the day that Emmett married her. He liked Rosalie for the most part and they usually got along well, but Rosalie Cullen was the last person on earth Edward wanted his business being heard by.

"Yeah, and he sang fucking kumbayah with a flute while Charlie was sleeping," Emmett roared with a laugh as he trailed a few feet behind his wife. He was still laughing as he made his way over to the high top bar stool Edward was perched on. "Can you be any weirder?"

"For the record, it wasn't kumbayah, and I didn't sing anything or play a flute. I just played my Ocarina while he slept," Edward muttered, feeling the small pocket sized instrument come to life in his pocket.

"Yes, because that makes it acceptable." Emmett pulled up the stool next to his brother and hopped on, slapping Edward lightly on the back as he did so. Emmett's sarcasm was unwelcome and he made a face to Emmett to let him know just that. "Did a Cobra come up dancing from a basket, too?"

"I think it's sweet," Alice's sing song voice chirped from behind them. "Not many people would be brave enough to face him after everything that's happened."

"It was just a break up," Rosalie scoffed, "Edward didn't do anything to Bella besides break it off."

"Do we really need to do this now?" Edward hissed.

"You're the one who went to see him," Emmett replied, "so of course we need to discuss it."

"We really don't, actually." Edward's tone of voice suggested the conversation was over and he was glad when his father walked in the kitchen, providing a needed distraction.

"We may get a few good hours out there before the rain comes," Carlisle Cullen said happily, reaching into the drawer to pull out a pair of tongs for the grill. Edward had to laugh softly to himself as he looked as his father in his cooking apron. Carlisle Cullen, doctor of the world, looked absolutely ridiculous but insanely happy in his frilly Kiss the Cook apron. His parents looked positively ecstatic at the thought of being able to hold their annual barbeque outside for a change, and Edward hated to be the Debbie Downer of the family like he usually was so he listened for a few minutes before grabbing his beer and slipping outside onto the back deck. The glass door shut quietly behind him, and he exhaled deeply at the summer air, noting that the pending rain had brought on a slight chill to the town. He planned on staying at the party for a few hours before discreetly making his exit. Visiting Charlie had brought on a new sense of peace to his life, and he was surprised at how much feeling his life lacked before Charlie's accident.

Edward knew he had turned his back against the pleasures of the world the minute he drove to Bella's house that afternoon, his decision unwavering in its resolve. Seeing Charlie made Edward feel connected to a part of himself he had long hidden away, and Edward found himself welcoming the feelings that awoke inside of him. It made him feel alive again. He didn't know what he would do when Charlie would be released from the hospital, taking all of Edward's long lost feelings with him. He had tried many things over the years to fill the void in his heart, and he never found the answer at the bottom of a bottle or between another woman's legs like all of his friends had told him he would. The only thing that had come remotely close to happiness was having the opportunity to spend time with Charlie Swan again.

He could pretend that his life had fallen exactly into the places he had wanted them to the minute he laid eyes on the chief's daughter in biology class in high school.

Every night for the past week Edward spent the last few remaining minutes of the visiting hours next to Charlie with an eye on the door, trying to prepare himself for the chance that Bella could come walking right through the door and into the room.

He was still waiting, but he was ready.

A few minutes later he heard the door behind him creak open and Alice appeared next to him at his side, overlooking the yard that lay before them.

"You know you left me at the restaurant by myself with Jessica Stanley." Alice said matter of factly. Edward laughed and turned towards his sister.

"I'm sorry, really, I am. I just heard his name and had to go."

"Yeah, I know. Instinct, you think?" She asked him, staring at his face and noticing there was a slight sparkle in his eye. Maybe not so much of a sparkle, she thought again, but there was definitely a new, soft light in his eyes that hadn't shown in years. It reminded her of a solar eclipse; she was afraid to look directly at it in fear it might disappear and never return again.

"Yeah, maybe."

"How is he doing?"

"Well, I haven't exactly looked at his charts, Alice," he joked. "A few broken bones from what I gather. I don't know what's happening on the inside, though." Alice nodded, satisfied with his answer. Edward spoke again a few minutes later and the question he asked her didn't shock her. It was the first question she thought of the minute Jessica Stanley dropped the biggest news to ever come from her lips.

"Do you think she's going to come back home?"

Alice pondered Edward's question for a few moments, trying to assess the situation from both sides. She normally had feelings about certain things. Usually it was trivial things like deciding on wearing a dark shirt instead of a light shirt because she thought she may spill something on it and then a few hours later having the exact thing happen, or picking the right lottery ticket to purchase at the counter. Perhaps the reason she went to Edward that night was because of a subconscious thought that she wasn't aware of yet. Maybe her path had taken her to Edward's studio that night so she could help guide him in the direction of Jessica Stanley and her big mouth. Edward tried to look calm and nonchalant as he stood next to her and waited for her to answer but she could tell that the thought was nagging at the corners of his mind.

"I don't want to get your hopes up," Alice admitted, and Edward nodded in understanding. "It doesn't mean she won't. I just don't know what Bella could be thinking at this point in her life. She's been gone for so long." At that moment Edward and Alice hard a quiet commotion inside and noted that the first of the guests had started to arrive. He told himself he just had a few hours of pretending to be the happy middle child of the Cullen family before he was able to head back home to Charlie at the hospital. If he planned it just right he would make it back to Forks in time for the last twenty minutes of visiting hours.

Twenty minutes was all the time he needed to feel like half of the man he used to be.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Bella was thankful that the ride from the airport to the hospital was a long one. Renesmee was fast asleep in the backseat behind her, their rental car providing comfortable and cushioned seats that lulled her to sleep almost immediately. It had been a long day for both of them, and Bella took the silence in the car as an opportunity to gather her thoughts and ready herself for her visit to see her father. Sue Clearwater had told Bella over the phone that Charlie was making improvements and was responding positively to the blood transfusions he had over the past few days, and his bones were healing nicely. His broken pelvis was the injury that would be keeping him in the hospital for the next few weeks but, all in all, Charlie was kept comfortable for the majority of the day and his nights were pleasant due to the aid of a sleeping medication that dripped slowly into his arm. He was aware that the two of them would be visiting him to assist in his road to recovery, and Bella was a little disheartened when they arrived at the hospital with just an hour left to visit. Bella scooped Renesmee up in her arms once she had successfully maneuvered their car through the windy roads of Washington and into the parking garage at the hospital. Charlie would for sure be dozing peacefully with the help of his IV drip by now, but she would be satisfied with just watching him sleep for the time being. Bella saw a figure emerge from the automatic doors at the hospital entrance, coming towards them in a slow jog.

Sue Clearwater enveloped Bella into her arms, wrapping Renesmee up between them in the process. The two women held each other for a moment, letting words stay unsaid as not to spoil the moment. Bella felt the weight of the world on Sue's shoulders, and Bella told her with just a hug that the burden was now shared.

"Sorry we're late," Bella said once the two of them broke apart. She dabbed at the tear that appeared in the corner of her eye. "We had a hassle with the rental car." Sue shook her head and waved a dismissive hand in the air.

"You're here, and that is more than enough." Sue led the way into the hospital and immediately Bella thought of all the times it had been Edward who had been leading her into the same spot. He would be looking for Carlisle for some reason or another, and Bella and Edward always had a hell of a time waiting for him, hiding in various closets to pass the time. The thought almost made her smile.

"He's in the ICU still, and you have to be five years old and older to go up there," Sue said. Bella had never been so happy that Renesmee was still asleep when Sue spoke those words; it would be a matter of seconds before Renesmee would have started explaining that she was almost four and a half and since that it was close to being four and three quarters that it would be okay for her to go up and see Chollipop herself. "I'll watch Renesmee. We can take the time to catch up. I can't believe how big she's gotten."

A few minutes later Bella exited the elevators on Charlie's floor, leaving Renesmee still asleep on Sue's lap in the waiting room. His room was further down the hall and Bella used those extra minutes to calm herself. Her calming techniques failed her, however, the minute she stepped into his room.

There he was, her Charlie, sound asleep in his bed, his legs trapped in plaster and his arms attached to cords and beeps from every direction. His chest rose and fell with each passing breath and his face was covered with the promisings of a thick beard that was growing in on account of his lack of ability to shave at the given moment. His mustache still provided him the uniqueness that was Charlie Swan, and she brought her hand up to her mouth to suppress herself from crying out loud.

She reached his beside quietly, sliding the chair next to his bed a little closer so she could reach for his hand ever so gently. She made sure his hand wasn't attached to anything she could break or pull out, and was surprised when he woke at the touch.

"Bells," his voice croaked, sounding like nothing Bella had ever heard. Her father's voice had always been low and gruff, but tonight it was laden with the pulls of sleep. "If I had known all it would take for you to come home was me getting into an accident, I would have done it the day you left." He carefully placed his other hand on top of her own that was cradling his other one. Bella laughed softly at her father's attempt to fight off impending emotion, and she shook her head through her tears.

"Hey, Dad." She smiled. "Still working on that wit, are we?"

"I bet you wish I had my jaw wired shut, too." The two of them laughed in the room before Charlie grimaced in pain.

"Shh, shh. I'm not going anywhere." She reached behind him to fix his pillows and sat back down next to him in the chair. "And neither is Renesmee."

"She's here?" He whispered, his eyes fluttering open to find her face.

"Downstairs with Sue. The minute you're out of the ICU she's allowed to come up and see her Chollipop." It took him a few minutes to respond but when he did he had a smile on his face.

"I better not disappoint, then." And with that Bella let her father get the rest he needed so he could see his granddaughter.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Edward thought he would never be able to leave the party, and he had to go well over the speed limit in order to make it to the hospital in time before visiting hours were over. He screeched into the parking lot, surprised that his car wasn't tilting on two wheels as he turned into a space in the parking garage. He ran down the stairs two at a time, impatient to wait for the elevator. He walked into the hospital lobby with ten minutes to spare and wasn't surprised to see the hospital virtually empty of anyone but staff. The only difference was a small, sleeping child in the arms of woman with his back to him in the waiting room and he buzzed past them in a blur. He pressed the button of the elevator and tried to wait patiently for the doors to ding open, but quickly decided to make a run for it up the stairs. He was wasting precious time staring at the doors of the elevator and thought his feet could take him faster up to the tenth floor.

His feet were moving before he was, and he vaguely remembered hearing the ding of the elevator doors opening as he wound the corner to the stairs, disappearing up the stairwell in a flash.

If he had stayed at the elevator he would have finally been able to catch the chestnut color from his dreams.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-


	9. Chapter 9

_"And somebody spoke and_

_I went into a dream."_

_- 'A Day In The Life'_, The Beatles

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Bella was not surprised at the emotion she felt as she pulled into her childhood driveway, staring fixedly at the house behind it. It looked the exact same as the day she left it, and she didn't know if she should smile or cry at Charlie's lack of motivation for change. She had known that returning to the house would be especially tough, thoughts of her and Edward nearly locking her in the driver's seat. Charlie's fishing poles still had a place in the corner of the front porch, and Bella made a mental note to move them inside temporarily; she wasn't sure when Charlie would be able to come home and she knew he would want them in a safe spot until he was ready to use them again. There was a can of paint on the step next to his poles, and Bella wondered what kind of ideas her father had up his sleeve. Her gaze trickled up the house, making mental notes as she went along. There were areas where the white paint on the sides of the house was starting to chip and fall away, and it looked like the roof was beginning to warp on the end near the kitchen. She assumed that was what the paint can was for, and she was glad that Charlie still maintained the desire to keep the house looking fresh. Well, as fresh as Charlie cared to make it.

Her eyes stopped at the window to her bedroom and she felt her eyes tear up again for the millionth time that day. It was dark and unwelcoming and Bella knew exactly what memories going into that room would conjure up in her mind. She was dreading it already.

How many times had she left her window open, the curtain flowing softly from the chill in the air, for him to crawl through past curfew? Bella didn't think she could count that high.

Renesmee had woken up in the hospital waiting room after Bella had visited with Charlie, and the two of them and Sue Clearwater had enjoyed a quick bite to eat at the diner that Charlie had patroned almost daily in the years since Bella had left. Bella had spoiled him rotten with fresh home cooked meals for all the years she had lived with him, and it bothered her that Charlie was back to his old ways of expanding his waist line, not to mention his arteries, with grease from the diner. She decided she would make all of Charlie's favorite foods and freeze them. It was her own way of providing for him, even if by then she was back home in her warm cottage by the beach.

A noise from the backseat tugged her out of her reverie, and she pulled the keys out of the ignition and grabbed her purse. "You ready, kiddo?" She whispered softly to Renesmee, hoping that her whispered voice would remind Renesmee that it was late and time for bed. Forks had the tendency to make everything Topsy Turvy; she couldn't blame the girl if her sleeping schedule was backwards.

"Is this Chollipop's house?" Renesmee's voice was dripping with excitement, too loud for the hour, as she put her arms out so Bella could scoop her out of her car seat. "Look! He has a swing!"

Bella followed Renesmee's pointed finger and saw the swing she was talking about. It was hanging from the tree near the side of the house, and Bella wondered when Charlie had put it up. It was simple, reminding Bella of simpler times, and it swung slowly in the June breeze. It was made out of a single piece of rectangular wood, intricately tied to the strongest branch on the tree. She would have to make sure it was child safe in the morning. It broke her heart that Charlie had been slowly transforming his house into one fit for a grandchild, when in actuality Bella had no intention of ever having Renesmee visit Forks, let alone the house. Maybe it was like that Kevin Costner movie -_if you change the house, they will come._ Bella still could not believe that she was back home.

"That'll be the first thing we do tomorrow, go on that swing." Bella held Renesmee close to her body, grabbing all of their things from the backseat in one swift motion. She would have to get everything else from the trunk later, after Renesmee was asleep. Sue had given her the spare key to the house, and Bella learned fast that there were some things she just could never forget, no matter how hard she tried. She remembered she had to give the door an extra push to open it, and she remembered to watch her step on the lip of the door frame. With the paint peeling and the warped roof, and the door that stuck, leading to the doorway that could trip just about anyone if they weren't careful, Bella wondered how Charlie could ever sell this house. If he could, she'd never know how.

The lights in the house were off, so Bella hit the switch and said to Renesmee, "This is it."

Bella watched Renesmee's face as she placed the girl's flip flopped covered feet on the floor, curious as to her reaction as she took in her surroundings. It was tiny and quaint, a little bigger than their cottage, and as cozy as a single dad in his fifties could make it. Of course it lacked the finishing touches that Bella had tried to educate her father on years ago, but it was those things that made Bella smile. Charlie's favorite pair of slippers rested quietly in their place next to the couch in the living room, an old magazine filled with half finished cross word puzzles and Sudokus lying haphazardly on the floor next to them. There were no dishes in the sink except for a single coffee cup - the only plus side to eating at the diner every night. A clean kitchen. A clean kitchen was a blessed thing, Bella knew, but the thought that it was an unused kitchen made her sad.

The pitter pattering of Renesmee's feet lead her into the living room, and she stopped and pointed to the pictures on the walls. "Look at Chollipop, Momma! He's holding a big fish!"

Bella smiled, her eyes crinkling around the edges. She knelt down so she could scoop Renesmee up in her arms, and brought them both back up so they were eye level with the picture. "Did you know that fish lived in a lake that's not too far from here? Maybe we can go there while we're here, would you like that?"

Renesmee nodded in delight, her eyes already floating to the next picture. "Who's that?" She pointed to a man with darkened hair and crisp skin, sitting next to Charlie at a table.

"That's Billy Black, one of Chollipop's best friends."

"You mean like my friend Victoria at school?"

"Yes, exactly. Wait, what happened to Katie? I thought she was your best friend."

"She didn't pick me to sit with her at the Star of the Week table. And Victoria gaved me a sticker."

"It's okay to have more than one best friend. That's probably what Katie's mommy told her," Bella said, leading them away from the wall of pictures. It took them another twenty minutes before they made their way upstairs. Renesmee stopped to look and touch at everything in between the living room and the bathroom upstairs, asking question after question. Who is that with Chollipop? Where did Chollipop get that blanket? Momma, is that a real fish on the wall? Bella was exhausted by the time she had Renesmee ready for bed, and she grabbed the child guard rail out of the hall closet before entering her bedroom. As Bella opened the door to her room, the air let out in a whoosh and appeared before her eyes like a bad dream.

_"I'm sorry, Dad." She wiped the tears from her eyes with the back of her hand and sniffled loudly._ "_I_ _just have to go."_

_"You can't go now, Bells. You're leaving for school in the next few days. And where exactly are you planning on going anyway?"_

_"To Mom's. I can't think straight here." Her suitcase sat wide open on her unmade bed while clothes whipped and whizzed by Charlie's head. He didn't flinch - he had lived with Bella throughout high school and college and he had lived to tell the tale. "I need you to take me to the airport."_

_"Airport? Now?" He looked at Bella incredulously. "Absolutely not."_

_"Dad, I'm begging you. Please. I have nothing left here." She stared at her father with eyes that broke Charlie's heart. They were red with anger, red from hours of relentless sobbing accompanied with hours of restless sleep. Her tears flowed freely down her cheeks in violent rivers, starting up again every time she wiped them away. Bella was always private with her emotions around Charlie and the fact that she was doing nothing to rebuild the wall around herself scared Charlie in a way that only a father could understand. His daughter was broken._

_"I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."_

_"But I need to. I need to be anywhere but here."_

_"Am I not enough for you stay here? I know Edward must have said or - "_

_"Don't _ever _say his name in front of me again." Charlie was shot the look of death and he immediately put his hands up in mock surrender. "Dad, I love you. But it's not enough for me to stay. You can thank Edward for that. I'm leaving tonight, whether you take me to the airport or not."_

She left her bedroom an hour later with Charlie, carrying everything she cared to keep in two suitcases. She told Charlie he could do whatever he wanted with her things as long as he tossed away anything that had to do with Edward. Charlie nodded wordlessly, obviously feeling helpless in the situation. He helped her pack everything into the cruiser, trying his best to make her feel comfortable while she cried the whole way to the airport. He left his house with his daughter, and came back empty handed.

Bella would never forgive herself for that.

That was the last memory she had of her room.

"Wow, your walls are so pretty, Momma. Ooh! Look at these lights!" Renesmee pointed to the soft twinkle lights that had lit up the room when Bella flipped the switch on, and a flash from her memory - bronzed hair illuminated by the lights, grasped tightly within her fingers - invaded her space. She shook it away.

"I used to love these lights, " Bella murmured. "It makes everything seem magical, doesn't it?" Renesmee nodded.

"Do they have lights like these in Florida?"

"Sure, I'll have Nayna buy some and put them in your room for you. Come lie down." She finished putting the rail up on the bed, and Renesmee snuggled deep within her purple comforter.

"Is Kate your best friend, Momma?" Renesmee whispered and Bella nodded. "Do you have any other best friends? You said you can have more than one." A vision of a tiny and cute girl with short and spiky brown hair tugged on Bella's heart and she said to Renesmee instead, "Go to sleep. I'll be back in a few minutes to check on you."

By the time Bella finished getting them settled into the house and got herself ready for bed, Renesmee was fast asleep. Bella gently pulled the covers down next to the sleeping girl, and her heart grew considerably when the little girl wrapped her arm around her and draped a leg across Bella's body. Bella had a busy day the next day; Sue was coming over to baby sit so Bella could spend the day with Charlie and Charlie's doctors, the house was empty of food and other necessities so a trip to the grocery store was definitely needed, and Bella knew that sharing a bed with Renesmee meant little sleep for Bella. It was a price to pay for being a mother.

And it was most definitely enough.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

The next day came fast for both Bella and Renesmee, and Bella found herself already two mugs of coffee into her morning when Sue came through the front door. She had a bag full of games and crafts for the two of them, and Renesmee practically shoved Bella out the door so the fun could begin. Bella never had to worry about Renesmee in the hands of others; she usually worried about others in the hands of Renesmee. It was noon by the time she made it to the hospital, and she sat in the waiting room for a few minutes while she waited for her meeting with Charlie's doctor. Hearing everything from Charlie was all well and good, but she needed the information first hand. It was Charlie they were talking about. She wasn't waiting long when a tall man with deep dark hair entered the room, clipboard in hand, smile on face.

"You must be Isabella, the Chief's daughter. Your reputation precedes you." He stuck a friendly hand out and Bella shook it warmly with a smile. "I'm Dr. Thompson."

"Hopefully everything you've heard is pleasant. You can call me Bella." He nodded and gestured over to the chairs in the corner. Bella grabbed her purse.

"Well, Bella, the good news is that the worst part is over, at least from a Doctor's perspective. The patients usually tend to disagree on that one." Dr. Thompson said.

"Can we start from the beginning? My father tells me one thing, his girlfriend tells me another. It's getting hard for me to keep up."

"Sure, sure. Minor bumps and bruises here and there, but the main injury here is the break to the pelvis. We call that an Ace tabular Fracture. What is typically done with injuries like this is a waiting game in the beginning. These injuries tend to induce a lot of internal bleeding so we need to give the body time to heal naturally. We wanted to make sure his natural clotting mechanisms were in place before we went ahead and did the surgery. We wanted to avoid the risk of unnecessary bleeding. Am I going too fast?"

"Hopefully I won't be quizzed on this stuff, but I think I can keep up. Sue mentioned something about natural blood clots. I'm assuming that's what you're referring to?" Bella asked.

"Yes, exactly. Please stop me if I'm going too fast for you." Bella shook her head and urged him to continue. "That typically takes up to a week, sometimes shorter, sometimes longer, depending on the break. Once we were satisfied with Chief Swan's healing, we performed the surgery and he did remarkably well. His attitude was a little crabby in the beginning, but we're pleased with his recovery."

"Yes, that sounds like Charlie. Too bad you couldn't rewire his brain while you had him out."

"I didn't have the proper paperwork." The doctor smiled at Bella again. "However, we realigned the bones with plates and screws to prevent the development of post-injury related problems, like arthritis and such. The only long term problem Chief Swan will be facing will be the embarrassing beeps he'll get going through any metal detectors."

"Oh, the horror." She said sarcastically with a smile. "It seems a little too easy, though."

"Well, like I said, the hard part is over for me now, but my patients tend to disagree." Bella looked at him curiously before Dr. Thompson continued. "Physical Therapy." Bella groaned inwardly and wanted to curse the world. Charlie could be stubborn as a mule and just picturing him in the throes of physical therapy made Bella almost break out in a sweat.

"He'll fight me to the end."

"He's already fighting half the staff. Physical therapy is imperative to a full recovery. It's painful; it's exhausting, but absolutely necessary. We can prevent possible nerve damage; avoid bed sores, things of that nature. Perhaps you can convince him." Dr. Thompson stared at her hopefully. "Do what you need. Bribe him, blackmail him. Just make sure he does it."

Bella felt better after her meeting with Dr. Thompson, so much so that she walked into Charlie's room with a smile on her face as big as the moon. This was the best news she had received since her phone call from Sue. Charlie was finishing the last of his Jell-O when she opened the shades in his room and let the bright undertones of the overcast afternoon trickle through the cracks.

"You're bright and cheery today. Does it have anything to do with you being back home?" Charlie asked. Bella pretended to gag at the thought in her attempt to put Charlie in a favorable mood. He laughed from his spot on the bed.

"Absolutely not. I just spoke to Dr. Thompson."

"I take it he told you that I'm switching out of the NICU?"

"Okay, first of all, you're a man, not an infant. You're moving from the ICU to a general room. Actually, our conversation was mostly about your rehabilitation."

"Don't even say those two words. I don't even like those two words alone, let alone pushed together. Physical Therapy." Charlie made a shuttering sound. "I'll be fine on my couch with a baseball game for the rest of my life, thank you very much."

"You do know that you'll end up right back in the ICU if you don't allow yourself to heal properly."

"It's okay, I like it here. They play this really peaceful music at night."

"Poor Renesmee. She's dying to see her Chollipop before we leave, but she can't until he stops being an ass and gets himself better." Bella placed her hand on her hip and tried to hide the smile on her face. "She can't see him until he's out of the ICU. What am I going to tell her?"

"You wouldn't."

"Oh, I would. Now get yourself ready, we have PT in less than an hour."

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"It is so painfully obvious why some of these kids need summer school," Edward muttered as he sat grading the essays from his summer school class. "They don't even try."

He was sitting at his patio table on his deck, a cool beer resting on the table next to the pile of papers. It was a warm day despite the clouds overhead, and after a full morning in his studio full of off key strums of music, he needed the fresh air to ground him. Summer school was doing a great job keeping his thoughts occupied during the day and during the afternoons on days when he needed to sit down and actually grade their submissions, and his nights were kept busy between his trips to and from the hospital. He could tell that Charlie was improving, and he somehow managed to get his new room number out of a cute nurse on his floor. He may have taken her number with a promise to call her the following day, and he may have accidentally dropped the number into the trash can outside of the hospital but it was worth it. Seeing Charlie still gave him that inner peace he had mentioned to Alice a few days before, and he still couldn't figure out why.

At first he thought it would push him further back in his depression; seeing Charlie would be a deliberate push into the reality that life really was happening all around him, that these people really did still exist, still lead lives similar to his own. Edward looked at Charlie as a bridge, the one thing that could connect him to the other side. Edward had given up on the idea of Bella coming back home. He figured that if she didn't come home within the first two weeks of Charlie's accident that she probably wasn't going to come at all. She must have heard from Charlie or his doctors that since he was moved out of the ICU, his condition didn't warrant a visit. Even Edward knew that sounded ridiculous; Charlie had always been Bella's Achilles Heel. The harsh reality was that it was entirely possible that Edward didn't know the current Bella- what she liked, her reactions to a given situation, and he only had himself to blame.

Well, himself and one other person.

His phone buzzed in his pocket and he pushed the essays away, grateful for a distraction. He rolled his eyes once he could see who the caller was.

"Hey, Dad." Another weekly check up.

"Edward, hi. I thought you'd be at the studio."

"I was. Finished early for the day. Just getting some work done at home. What's up?"

"Alice and I are in the area. I wanted to see if you wanted to meet up for a drink or two."

A drink or two turned into much more than that, and Alice watched as the clouds slowly took over her brother's face. With every sip she watched him transform into the monster she knew he hated, each sip erupting with a soft rumble of thunder. She could see the lightning flash in his eyes as he finished a bottle and grabbed another before the empty one had turned warm. He would wake up the following morning regretting everything about the night, a few steps backwards on his road to a fulfilling life without Bella. She was returning from the bathroom when she heard the conversation between her father and Edward.

"I think it's time you stopped going to see him," Edward's father said in a serious voice, the look on his face threatening. "You're becoming too much of a risk." The look on Carlisle Cullen's face went unnoticed to Edward as he chugged down the last of his beer and opened a new one. His green eyes had turned to glass, and his cheeks were flushed with color.

"I don't really give a fuck what you think," Edward slurred. "Or anyone else for that matter. Fuck you," he said, pointing to the bartender that had officially flagged him for the night. "Fuck you." He pointed to the blond bitch giving him a nasty look from the table next to theirs. "Fuck you." He said, pointing now at his own father who shook his head painfully, his eyes adverted to the floor. Alice reached between the two of them, grabbing her purse and leaving a small wad of cash on the table. Knowing she was the only one Edward would listen to, she put her arm around his shoulders and turned him away from the bar, from the looks, from everyone.

"It's time to go home."

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"Yes, I'll call you in the morning. Love you too." Alice hung up the phone quietly, careful not to wake the sleeping giant on the hallway floor. It had been a long time since she had seen Edward in this state, so she had called Jasper to tell him she was staying the night to keep an eye on Edward. Jasper had understood of course, but Alice knew the sigh behind his words. With the help of her father, they managed to get Edward out of the car and into his house. They put him on the couch and he stayed there for a few minutes until he had the wonderful idea of going into the kitchen. The only problem was that he hadn't made it that far, and his body decided to rest on the hallway rug instead. And that was where he stayed during the duration of Alice's phone call to Jasper, and when Alice used all of her little strength to slide Edward's torso up against the wall, he whispered dejectedly into the night air.

"Come back to me."

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

_"Edward? Is it really you?" Her voice was soft and ethereal, excitement creeping in towards the end of her exclamation. "I don't trust what I'm seeing."_

_"You can trust this," he replied, walking over towards her and taking her hands in his. "Trust us. This is real." She was absolutely beautiful, and her smile stunned him into submission. _

_"You don't know how long I've been waiting for this," she said to him as his fingers ghosted the sides of her face, slipping into the deep chestnut of her hair. He dipped his head against her cheek, the wind softly blowing her hair across his own face, and he took everything about her in. Her scent almost lulled him to sleep, and her little body molded right into the deep contours of his arms, as if she were made precisely for him._

_"You came back to me, Bella." He moved so their foreheads were pressed together, his eyes closing as their togetherness became overwhelming._

_"Silly, silly boy. Don't you know I never left?" And then their lips pressed together in a fight of passion, each one fighting for air but not daring to separate. _

Alice Whitlock bolted upright in bed, her hands clamped over her heart in a desperate attempt to soothe the deep and erratic beats.

"What is it?" Her husband, Jasper, joined her in the middle of the bed, grabbing her hands and turning her face towards his. "Alice?"

"Something's happening. Something big. And it's going to change things forever."


	10. Chapter 10

_"And in her eyes you see nothing_

_No sign of love behind the tears_

_Cried for no one_

_A love that should have lasted years."_

_- "For No One", The Beatles_

There was a banging sound somewhere in the distance, disturbing the otherwise tranquil surroundings of Edward's lonely home on the hill, but Edward chose to roll over in his bed and ignore it. Much to his annoyance the noise persisted, only getting louder and louder in its determination to drive him crazy. It was early in the morning, that much he could gather from the dim light seeping in between the blinds in the windows of his bedroom. He shook his head against his pillow, his mind trying to conjure up who it was that could possibly be banging on his front door at the ungodly hour that it was. Obviously, he wouldn't put it past his brother and sister and their unscheduled visits but Edward hoped they had agreed to draw the line somewhere. Somewhere preferably before sunrise.

The banging was incessant now, and with a groan of frustration Edward shot up in bed, throwing the blankets off in frustration. The noise was deafening, with barely a pause between the erratic thumping, and his hands instantly went up to cover his ears. It sounded like the Hulk himself was pounding his way into his living room. Hadn't he heard of a doorbell?

Edward made it to the door of his bedroom when he realized that the banging sound was not coming from downstairs, but instead from within the confines of his own head. His blood pulsated between his ears with such incredible force and tenacity that it stopped him in his tracks and made the room spin around him. He tried to piece together his evening the night before as he made his way, staggeringly, to his bathroom medicine cabinet in search of something, anything, to dull the ache in his head. He thought there was a bar. He knew there was alcohol.

That was all he could remember.

He could see images flash like blurs in front of his eyes with the majority of them making him groan loudly in disgust. He saw his music studio; he saw the blonde woman looking at him seductively from the couch under the window; he saw her clothes fall to the floor, and he realized then that he liked it much better when he couldn't remember anything at all about the night before.

His music studio of all places? He'd have to burn it now.

After his stomach was purged of all its contents, Edward turned the water on and stepped under the warmth of the shower. He closed his eyes, let the warm sprays turn hot and then cold, and contemplated the last two weeks of his miserable existence.

It had been two weeks since he had seen or spoken his father. Two weeks since that night when his father told him he shouldn't be visiting Chief Swan any longer. Even though his father's words felt like a punch to the gut, like a rug being pulled out from under him, he knew he was right. Perhaps that was why Edward reduced himself to nothing but a drunken haze in the weeks since. His conscience told him to say goodbye and the only way to silence that little voice in his head was to drown him with alcohol of any form.

He managed to make it to work everyday, barely, and he knew that the kids didn't mind seeing a summer school teacher with a blasé attitude towards their education. After work he would head to either his studio or his boat, finding solace in whatever or whoever could make him forget all of those temporary feelings of fulfillment he felt whenever he visited Chief Swan.

Edward knew saying goodbye to Charlie would mean he was saying goodbye to Bella and to his dream of ever seeing her again. Before the accident, he was at a point where he could function somewhat typically by current standards; he held a steady job, found hobbies that made him feel somewhat whole again, had a semi-loose grasp of familial connection. He spent a few nights here and there with active and willing female participants, even though he always regretted it the next morning.

He was alive, but he wasn't really living.

It all changed once he sat down next to Charlie. He watched as Charlie seemed to visibly improve, watched him move from his room in the ICU to a general hospital room, and watched as the color started to appear more beneath the tough exterior of his cheeks. While Charlie gained strength, Edward gained hope. It wasn't a feeling that he was accustomed to feeling in the years since Bella left, and now that he was starting to enjoy it, to bask in it, he had to leave it all at Charlie's bedside. He had destroyed the Swan family with his actions that day; Edward knew Charlie hated him for taking his daughter away from Forks and away from him. Even though he knew he had to leave Charlie's side for good, Edward felt he was being forced to say goodbye to someone and something he wanted to hold on to forever.

The last time he was forced to do anything was the day he told Bella he didn't love her anymore.

With a heavy heart, he stepped out of the shower and tried to settle his resolve. He would see Charlie one last time. Tonight would be it. First, he needed to apologize to his father. Hopeless as he was, he was glad he was still able to admit he could be an ass on multiple levels.

The ride to his parent's house was long, but Edward didn't mind. He used the windy roads as a compass to his thoughts, scattered and desolate. By the time he pulled his car into the driveway, it was sometime in the afternoon and the sun was trying to peep through the clouds. Of course the sun would come out when he was feeling his lowest. He walked up the front steps, calling out as he opened the front door and into the foyer of his parent's house. No one answered, but he heard the soft tapping of a keyboard coming from a room down the hall, and he followed the sound until he was directly outside of his father's office. He knocked softly on the open door, and his father looked up and exhaled softly, a tight smile forming on his lips.

Seeing Edward always made Carlisle feel a little more at peace; he had the lines of a worried parent etched forever on his forehead because of him. He gestured to the empty chair across from his desk.

"Sit down, I'm just finishing up."

"Take your time, Dad." Edward folded himself into the chair, his eyes looking around the office at the pictures hanging proudly on the deep green walls. The pictures spanned a total of thirty years, capturing equally the most secure and awkward phases of each member of the Cullen family. His eyes landed on a picture of him in a bright yellow gown, grinning from ear to ear. High school graduation. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt such happiness like the Edward in the picture had. He would do anything to feel it again.

"You smell like a brewery." His father's voice cut him back to the present and away from the picture, and Edward turned quickly and looked at his father across the desk. Carlisle's arms rested casually in his lap, his elbows propped on the arms of the chair.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure the fumes coming from my body can start a car."

"Should I be worried?" Carlisle always played the role of father first when it came to his children but every now and then his role of doctor penetrated through the edges. Edward shook his head.

"Not anymore. I've got it all out of my system. I'm over it," Edward said, thinking of his last two weeks spent in and out of consciousness. "I came here to apologize." He looked at his father. "Really, Dad. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have talked to you like that."

"Well, I was kind of asking for it. I never should have broached a topic like Chief Swan with you over a nice, cold draught."

"More like a dozen nice, cold draughts," Edward joked, and felt relieved at the sight of Carlisle's shoulders shaking lightly with a soft chuckle. He stopped laughing and looked at Edward.

"I accept your apology, Edward, even though I was never looking for one." Carlisle stood, in a signal that their conversation regarding Edward's behavior was over, and motioned towards the door. "Come on, I've been inside all day. Have to enjoy the sun while it's out."

The afternoon sun stayed in their favor, and Edward and Carlisle found themselves enjoying a bucket of balls at the driving range. The area around them was picturesque in the way the rolling hills of the driving range disappeared from one to the next, the way the bustle of the big city was far beyond the scope of their hearing. The only sound on the hill was the smack of the tiny white balls against the metal of the clubs and the wind in their ears. It was sobering, to say the least, and Edward was extremely grateful to find the burning edge of his hangover being taken away with the beauty of the great outdoors.

The two of them didn't speak much, at least not about anything that held any relevance, and it seemed neither of them objected to the companionable silence they were surrounded in. They had spent almost thirty years getting familiar with one another as father and son and refused to let a drunken misunderstanding come between a beautiful relationship.

Edward would always be thankful for the years that Carlisle had stood silently by his side as he tried to work out his demons. Not many people had the patience to sit by and watch as someone they loved traveled down the path of self destruction, that someone being your child no less, and yet Carlisle welcomed with open arms any decision that Edward had made. Whether it was Edward deciding to stay in Forks when it was obvious his life was destined for bigger and greater things, or when he made the decision to forgo medical school in favor of trying to find a passion that had been extinguished from his life since the day Edward found his life no longer held any meaning, Carlisle was the supportive voice Edward needed. Carlisle's only qualm regarding Edward's decisions was when he went over to Edward's house only to find Edward teetering over the edge of a brand new and quite beautiful boat without the first clue as to how to actually move the damn thing. It was the only time he thought his son had actually gone over to the dark side, and immediately questioned his son's grasp on reality.

As always, Edward had persevered.

They were packing up their golf bags into the back of Carlisle's trunk when Edward's voice broke through the peace, "I'm going to see Charlie tonight. Just to say goodbye. I think it will help me try to move on."

"You're ready to do that? Move on?" Carlisle slammed the trunk closed and watched as Edward sat down on the bumper and sighed, his hands running through his disheveled hair.

"Don't you think it's time? She's not coming back."

"No, probably not. But it's not up to me, or Alice or your mother, no one. You're the only one that knows if it's time or not." He joined his son on the bumper.

"I can't keep doing this to myself, Dad. I can't keep waking up everyday and waiting, hoping that this will be the day when everything is right again. Six years is a long time to watch your life pass you by." Carlisle nodded in agreement, weighing his words heavily in his mind before speaking them. While Edward always acknowledged his depressed lifestyle, he had never spoken candidly about the depth of his unhappiness. Carlisle tried not to anger or upset him.

"Sometimes the answer to a big problem is very simple. It just takes some time to see through the clouds." Carlisle said, his hands deep in his pockets. "It could be as simple as finding something that makes you happy, and just running with it."

"Happiness isn't something that is top on my list of daily achievements. Not many things make me happy."

"Okay, so maybe happiness is a little juvenile. Try purpose. Is there anything in your life, at all, that makes you feel some sense of purpose?"

Edward thought hard as his father's words permeated his thoughts, "Not anymore. The only time my life held purpose was when I had her. When Bella loved me." He laughed sarcastically. "Ironic, huh? The only thing that can make me happy is the one thing I can't have."

"No, not ironic. Expected. You were just a guy who fell in love with a girl. Believe me, you're not the first of our kind to be made a fool of because of a woman. And unfortunately, not the last. Just think of all the stupid things you've done in your life and I guarantee it was because of a girl, for some reason or another. Hell, I can think of at least a dozen ridiculous things I've done because of your mother. And I still love her for it, too. "

"I can't picture anything you do, or have done, that could be considered ridiculous."

"I took a course in gender studies about the power of women in modern society, failed it with flying colors, and it's still on my college transcripts. Your grandfather almost had me killed. And do you know why I took the course to begin with?" Edward shook his head. "Some girl who smelled like coconut and vanilla that was next to me when I was registering for classes for the spring semester."

"Mom?"

"None other."

"So the fact that I'm waking up in garbage cans or in random houses with random people is all Bella's fault?" Edward asked, raising himself off the car and heading towards the passenger side seat. He heard Carlisle laugh from the other side.

"Oh, no. That's all you, my boy. Look, all I'm saying is that maybe it's time to move on, but not give up any hope. If Bella holds the key to your happiness, then by all means chase it. But I think we can realistically assume she's not coming back, as much as it pains me to say it. Don't put your life on hold for something that may not happen. As John Lennon once said, 'Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.' Live your life, but never stop hoping. I do think you're making the right decision about Chief Swan. Too risky." The car started smoothly and soon they were on their way back to the Cullen house.

After they put away all of their golf equipment and were treated to a gourmet meal from Esme, Edward was packing his leftovers into his front seat when his father came out to see him off. They held on to each other tightly, unspoken words flying from one's thoughts to the other, and Edward heaved a great sigh of relief. Maybe someday soon he would be able to know if his decision to say goodbye to Charlie was the right one. He did know that if he wanted to say goodbye, he needed to hit the road before visiting hours were over. As Edward pulled out of Carlisle's embrace, his father patted him on the back reassuringly.

"Just hold on to whatever keeps you happy. Even it means you end up being the only guy in a women's gender study class. Please don't ever tell your mother this, but it was absolutely terrifying."

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"I'm glad your Dad's coming home next week. The worst seems to over," Kate propped the phone tightly between her ear and her shoulder as she poured a handful of food into Rochester's bowl. "You can finally get to enjoy some time outside of the hospital."

"Oh, yeah, because Forks is known for its local attractions." Bella said. She put the bag of groceries down on the counter and turned to open up the refrigerator. "And, you're wrong. The worst is just beginning. Charlie and crutches and physical therapy are a nightmare beyond comprehension."

"The real nightmare of this situation is cleaning Rochester's kitty litter. Fuck, Bella, what do you feed this cat, protein shakes?" Bella heard the crackle of the kitty litter through the ear piece and she laughed for the first time in two weeks.

"Aww, I miss my little Rochester. How is he doing?"

"Besides tearing my house apart, he's doing just fine. How you are doing is the real question."

Bella exhaled loudly, closing her eyes in exhaustion. She let her body lean against the kitchen counter and for the first time in a while she stopped to breathe. It had been a busy two weeks, and she had discovered it the hard way. Juggling a four year old while trying to make the best arrangements for Charlie was almost impossible, and she was so lucky to have Sue around the house. Sue and Bella took turns spending time with Charlie at the hospital, talking to his doctors and physical therapist about ways to make the transition home for Charlie as smooth as possible. Walking was an essential part of the healing process and there was no doubt in Bella's mind that Renesmee would do a wonderful job of keeping Charlie on his toes. The biggest problem was with the stairs, which the doctors said it would be best if they were avoided altogether. The only bathroom in the house was located in the worst spot possible. Upstairs.

Two scenarios ran through Bella's head the minute the doctor gave her the news. Scenario One: she would give Charlie two days before he went stir crazy. Scenario Two: he would take pleasure in staying upstairs in his bedroom to avoid the stairs and the daily walk around the block that Bella and Sue promised the doctors he would do. Either way, it was a problem that didn't have a solution until a few days later when Sue stampeded through the house with an idea that Bella thought was absurd.

Transforming the dining room and hall closet into a bedroom and bathroom respectively almost made Bella laugh in Sue's face, but when Sue came over the following morning with a tall man and blueprints she finally realized that Sue was one hundred percent serious about this. Bella listened attentively as the man explained that it would be a quick job requiring only essential plumbing and wiring, and smiled appreciatively at the gesture.

"This is absolutely great," she had said with a soft smile, "but there's no way Charlie can afford this. I would help out if I could but between taking time off of work for the summer to come here and Charlie's hospital bills..." She trailed off. "I have to decline." Bella watched as Sue's face dropped, but the man shook his head adamantly.

"I would like to do this free of charge, Ms. Swan." The man's voice was gruff and strong but held a level of respect that Bella acknowledged. "Let's just say Charlie and I go way back, and I owe him one. Owe him several, actually. I'll have my guys bang this out in four days, tops. Up to you."

As Bella stood in the kitchen, eyes closed as she tried to shut out the banging from the construction workers in the dining room, her mind flew through the events of the two weeks since the offer to practically remodel Charlie's downstairs. Everything was a whirlwind. She turned her attention back to Kate on the other end of the line.

"I'm fine. Tired, but fine. A little annoyed, too. Charlie waits until I'm out of the house to get a second bathroom."

"I'm sure Charlie is going to flip when he sees what you've done to his little man cave. Does he even know what you've been up to?"

They did mention it to him, in passing, while he was fighting to stay awake. At least they can tell him he had been forewarned. If all went as planned, the house would be done before Charlie even came home. Renesmee was even doing her part by hanging up her drawings and paintings on Charlie's new bedroom walls for when he came home. He would sure love the bug people on his wall.

"The bug people? Do I want to know what that is?" Kate asked jokingly, plopping down on her couch since all of her duties pertaining to Rochester were complete.

"You know, it's the way a four year old draws a person. No body, just a circle with arms and legs coming out of the head. Looks like a bug. With a smiley face, of course."

"Of course, naturally so. Speaking of people, have you run into any specific people as of yet?"

Bella knew exactly what specific person Kate was referring to and she exhaled loud enough for Kate to hear her through the other end of the phone. It was a sigh of relief, and a worry that Bella was glad to be rid of.

"Nope, not a sign of any of the Cullens. Not one. Carlisle doesn't even work at the hospital anymore, shockingly." When she found out she wouldn't have to peek around every corner, making sure the coast was clear of a particular blonde haired doctor, she felt comfortable taking Renesmee to the hospital to visit. She felt everyday her anxiety decreasing at a steady pace, and she was getting even more comfortable with venturing out for errands needed for the house and Renesmee.

She had gone over countless times in her mind what she would do if she were to run into Edward. Would she yell and scream at him for destroying her chance at a lifetime of happiness with him? Would she collapse into his arms at the sight of him, realizing with full force that her ultimate desires rested solely with him after years of trying to suppress her feelings? Would she tell him about Renesmee and how she had never forgiven herself for keeping their daughter out of his life? She wished there was an easy, definite answer but Bella knew she was only kidding herself. Anything pertaining to her and Edward was never easy.

If there was one thing that she did know, it was that if she were to see him during her summer in Forks, the topic of Renesmee would shatter whatever ties of trust and respect that were left standing between Edward and Bella. He would hate her for keeping a secret as monumental as she did, and she would simply have to agree with him.

After Kate filled her in on the latest happenings of the store and Bella was confident that the walls of Chapter Chat would remain standing another night, they said goodnight and parted ways. Being home in Forks engulfed Bella with a sense of nostalgia, and nightly phone calls with Kate made her feel the same. She missed the little life her and Renesmee had created. She missed the ocean waves softly lapping at the shore, the orange sunsets, the cookies at the bakery a few stores down from her own. She missed Renee.

Renee was never far away and Bella had the texts to prove it. Her mother had suddenly had her phone glued at her hip, practically begging for a play by play of Bella's everyday movements. Renee had told her that she was just missing her daughter and granddaughter; this was the longest they had been apart since Renesmee was born. Speaking of time apart, Bella looked at Charlie's I'd Rather Be Fishing clock on the wall. The fish tail, or the hour hand, indicated it was almost 7:00, and Bella wondered when Sue and Renesmee would be home from the hospital.

The reunion between Renesmee and her Chollipop was a beautiful sight to see, and Bella would make sure to never forget it. Renesmee had been timid at first, clutching her doll tightly to her chest for support, when she turned the corner into Charlie's new hospital room. The minute she heard the news that Charlie was out of the Room For The Really Bad Boo Boos, she had literally demanded she go see him. Charlie opened his arms as wide as he could, and Renesmee ran, leaving her doll to drop on the floor in her haste to fall into his arms. She was exceptionally gentle, or tried to be, as she snuggled her way next to him in his bed. He even let her change the channel of the Mariners game so she could watch one of her favorite TV shows.

If that wasn't love, then Bella didn't know what was.

It was Sue's turn to visit that afternoon, so Bella quickly wrote up a grocery list and was about to gather Renesmee's things when Sue offered to take her with her to see Charlie. Renesmee would have nothing to do with grocery shopping, of course, when it was opposed to spending time with Chollipop. A few minutes later she saw headlights pull into the driveway and she got up from the couch to meet them at the door. A look of concern washed over her face when she heard Renesmee's cries and saw the tears glistening on her cheeks.

"Oh, sweetie, what's wrong?" She opened the screen door, coming onto the porch and scooping Renesmee out of Sue's arms. Sue looked at her apologetically and Bella put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"We forgot Baby in Chollipop's room," Sue said. Baby was Renesmee's doll, and she wailed louder at the words.

"I need Baby, I need Baby!" She cried, burying her head into Bella's shoulder.

"Okay, okay, shhh, shhh. Baby will be there waiting for you in the morning. I'll tell Charlie to feed Baby her breakfast." Bella's words intensified the situation, and she knew in a matter of seconds her adorable, fun loving child would turn into the spawn of Satan. Long days without naps made for beautiful evenings, Bella thought sourly. _Five, four, three, two..._

Bella tried her best to ignore the cries as she put Renesmee in her bath, tried her best to soothe the pain her daughter was obviously feeling over the separation from Baby. She knew as Renesmee still whimpered softly as she struggled to stay awake in bed that she would be making a late night trip to the hospital. The nightmare of Renesmee waking up the following morning without Baby next to her made Bella shudder.

"If I hurry, I can make it there before visiting hours are over." Bella grabbed her purse, giving a cursory glance at herself in the mirror before reaching for her keys on the hook. Sweatpants and black tee shirt would have to suffice.

"Do you want me to go?" Sue questioned, "I really don't mind."

Bella shook her head, "You've been out all day. Besides, I could use the fresh air." She hugged Sue against her chest. "I'll be back soon."

The ride to the hospital was uneventful. She knew Renesmee would be asleep by the time she got home, but Bella shrugged her shoulders in defeat. It was just another thing to add to her list of things mothers do for the sake of their children. Her dark hair bounced in waves against her shoulders, and Bella wished she had brought something to tie her hair back. It was muggy as the sun said its goodbye to the day, and Bella gave a quick smile and wave to the nurses who were fanning themselves outside of the entrance to the hospital.

It was definitely not the night to use the stairs because of the heat, so she waited patiently as the elevator opened and she pressed the buttons to take her to Charlie's floor. Pretty soon, she wouldn't have to step foot into the hospital for hopefully a long, long time.

"Bella, what are you doing here?" One of Charlie's nurses stopped her as Bella walked past the nurses' station. "Is everything alright?"

Bella waved a casual hand in the air, "Renesmee forgot her doll. We can't sleep without her doll." The nurse chuckled.

"Okay, on your way then. Charlie's visitor is in there, too."

"Visitor?" Bella asked, confusion dripping from her words. "What visitor?"

"You don't know?" Bella shook her head. "He's been coming every night since Charlie was admitted. We thought you knew?"

Bella thanked the nurse and walked the few feet between the nurses' station and Charlie's room, completely and utterly unprepared for what she would see.

A man sat next to Charlie's bed by the window, his head held in his hands. His elbows rested against his knees as Charlie slept peacefully across from him in his bed. She would recognize the copper of the hair from anywhere. The man looked up at the sound of Bella's flip flops on the linoleum floor, his eyes adjusting to the room before his brain became aware of the sight before him.

The man sitting beside Charlie wasn't just any man. It was Edward Cullen.

She didn't give him the chance to speak. Her hands flew up to her mouth, drowning out any sounds that could come from her parched lips. Her heart beat loudly against her rib cage, so loud she was afraid it would wake Charlie. She heard the nurse's footsteps come up behind her, but instead she flew through the door, back towards the way she came, inadvertently pushing the nurse against the wall in the process. She heard his voice shouting her name behind her as she ran, fled the scene of her worst fear coming to fruition.

Not only did he live in Forks, he was in her father's hospital room!

She pressed the buttons of the elevator frantically, a million thoughts running in her mind as she prayed, begged, for the doors to open quickly. The ding of the opening doors sounded like heaven to her ears, and she pressed the doors close right as he was turning the corner to the nurse's station. She caught one last glimpse of him before the doors closed.

"Bella!" He shouted, but his pleading was drowned out as Bella disappeared. Bella was thankful she had learned the ins and outs of the hospital over the past weeks, and knew there was an employee stairwell leading outside on the third floor. If Edward Cullen was still the same person Bella once thought she knew, he would be flying down the stairs and waiting for her at the bottom. The third floor light lit up, indicating it was her time to depart, and her feet took off before she knew where they were going. She slipped out of the hospital undetected, her footsteps echoing as she ran through the hallway and stairwell to the parking lot. Her hands were shaking as they slid the key into the ignition, and she contemplated pulling over as her car slid onto the interstate away from the hospital, away from Charlie, away from him.

There was a screeching noise in the air around her, and she looked out the windows to see where it was coming from. She could see nothing in the darkness of the night. It grew louder in intensity, indicating no intentions of stopping.

It wasn't until Bella looked into the rearview mirror that she realized the screaming was coming from her.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-


	11. Chapter 11

**Hello, Readers! What a crazy month it's been! I am unfortunate to live in the path Hurricane Sandy chose to take, so after a few days without heat or power, two weeks of no work, displaced family members, Breaking Dawn Part 2 and Thanksgiving, I am happy to say that things are finally starting to get back in order. I wanted to send this chapter out sooner, trust me, but this was the first chance I had so I took it! Please know that each review makes me smile and makes me want to write at vampire speed for you.**

**Now on to the goods! **

**Oh, yeah. Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight; Twilight owns me.**

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"You could find better things to do

Than to break my heart again."

-"I'll Be Back", The Beatles

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

He was living his worst nightmare.

For a moment Edward thought back to his recurring dream - the one where he was running as fast as he could but that beautiful color of chestnut was always able to elude him. It darted past him, turned back to taunt him, whisked past his ears but continuously stayed mere inches out of his grasp. Every time he would be defeated and the chestnut would roar loudly in victory. The chestnut was always present, even in his subconscious, and Edward cursed loudly in horrified realization that this was really happening. He was not asleep somewhere far in his mind, he was awake and the chestnut was real.

She was home.

He called her name again into the emptiness of the parking lot outside of the hospital but he knew his efforts were futile. She managed to disappear within the confines of the hospital walls, escaping from his reach for what seemed like the millionth time in his lifetime.

"Fuck!" He shouted out into the night, not caring who was around to hear him. "Fuck." His whisper was broken and jagged, and his fingers pulled tightly at his hair, his breathing coming in deep rasps from his rapid descent down the stairs. Somehow she must have known another way out of the hospital, a way that Edward had forgotten in his haste to catch up to her, to see her, to speak to her after so long. He had no idea what he would say or how he would react at the sound of her voice, or what she had to say to him, but he didn't care. Everything he had been wishing for was unraveling right in front of his eyes, and as he stood outside in the warm, summer night air, Edward wasn't sure if he should jump for joy or collapse in panic.

He opted for the latter, and grabbed at his chest in an attempt to silence his heart that beat with a deafening thump in his ears.

The sound of a horn honking snapped Edward out of his paralysis and he jumped quickly onto the sidewalk, sitting down on a bench as he tried to regain some sense of control. He willed his mind to slow down to a reasonable rate, struggling to come up with a rational thought. The only thought that ran through his mind was that he was finally given a chance to explain himself and his actions that day in the driveway; that he never wanted their relationship to end; that he was forced into doing something he never dreamed of doing and how he and Bella had paid the ultimate price. He wanted to tell her that he never stopped loving her in all the years they were apart and how he would be willing to spend another decade, hell, another lifetime, trying to make it up to her. To make her believe in him again. To believe in them again.

Edward thought it safe to assume Bella would be staying at Charlie's house for her trip to Forks, and he contemplated leaving the hospital and speeding to the house so he could see her again. His mind was almost decided when his first rational thought made its appearance. While it was safe to assume where Bella would be staying, Edward knew with strong conviction that he was the last person on earth that Bella wanted to see.

He knew the exact moment when recognition dawned on Bella's face; that split second when her brain registered what it was that her eyes were seeing, and before she turned and fled, he saw a look of pure hatred cross the delicate features of her face. He had never hoped for a joyous reunion between the two of them - there were too many bridges burned and too many bridges that were still burning dangerously, and any ideas of a simple reconnection were long gone the second he saw the anger resonate in her eyes. The road to her forgiveness would be the hardest challenge he had yet to face, and yet he was willing to withstand the journey with open arms. Based on her anger alone, Edward decided not to follow her home.

With fumbling hands, he managed to get his cell phone out of the pocket of his pants and he cursed his trembling fingers. Two attempts later, he was finally able to send the call through. She picked up on the fourth ring.

"Edward, do you know what time it is?" Alice answered groggily. "Some of us actually like to sleep."

Edward ignored her, talking into the phone as if she had never spoken, "She's back, Alice. She's back."

"Who's back? Bella?" He could hear her voice rise in astonishment. "Where are you?"

"Yes, Bella. At the hospital. I chased her."

"You did what?"

"Oh God, I'm such an idiot. I physically chased her out of the building. As in running, reaching out to grab her. I may have even knocked over an orderly, I don't know," he groaned in embarrassment. "Pretty sure that is number one on the list of things not to do to a woman."

"Maybe not number one, but it's definitely on the list," Alice said. "Come on over, I'll make the guest room up for you."

He didn't hesitate.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Jasper Whitlock rubbed the sleep from his eyes as the timer on the coffee pot echoed throughout the kitchen. The green lights on the stove reflected 2:30 in the morning, and he groaned inwardly when he realized he had only a few hours until the alarm clock beside his bed would go off. He had a steady flow of clients booked for appointments the next day, and it would be the best performance of his life if he could manage to stay awake through the sessions.

It had been two hours since Edward had tornadoed his way through their front door, his hair standing on end and his eyes bloodshot.

"Dude, have you seen the time? Or a mirror?" Jasper had asked him the minute that Edward had spun around to see him and Alice coming from the kitchen. Alice shushed him and pushed him aside, taking Edward into her sisterly arms and motioning for him to sit down on the couch.

"Tell me everything."

And so he did, and two hours later, he still was. Jasper felt for his brother in law, he really did. They all felt a void when Bella left the family, and he was sure he would be more up to the challenge of helping Edward navigate his way back to Bella if he was well rested. Over the two hours they had moved from the living room to the kitchen and Jasper didn't think he could stay awake for another change of location. He refilled the two mugs for the second time since Edward had arrived, and walked back over to the kitchen table, setting the mugs down in front of Alice and Edward.

"Thanks," Edward muttered, taking the mug between his fingers and sipping slowly on the steaming liquid. "Is this from Ireland?" He joked, looking up at Jasper.

"Nope, grocery store down the street. Sorry, man." He slapped a friendly apologetic hand on Edward's back and turned to the two of them. "I have to turn in. My patients tomorrow aren't going to psychoanalyze themselves. Try to get some sleep, Edward." Jasper bent down to kiss his wife quickly on the lips. "Love you."

Alice watched Jasper's retreating form disappear up the stairs before turning back to Edward, "I still can't believe it. What are you going to do?"

Edward sighed exasperatedly, placing his mug softly on the table, "I wish I knew. All I want to do is see her and talk to her but I think that's the worst thing I could do at the moment. I mean, she saw me and ran out of there like the place was on fire."

"You can still do that, Edward. What's the worst that could happen?"

"Uh, for one, she could kill me. I'm not putting anything past her at this point. And to be honest, I deserve it. Second, I don't even know what I could possibly say to her."

"You don't deserve it, though. That's the thing!" Alice practically shouted, before covering her mouth with her hand. Jasper was surely going to kill her. "Don't you want to move on from this? To start living your life?"

"More than anything, Alice. Dad and I just had this discussion today before I went to the hospital to see Charlie. I went to say goodbye to him so I could finally just be done with that chapter of my life. And now she's back, and I'm right back to where I started. I just want to make it right. God knows I fucked it up last time."

"So stop worrying about what to say to her, and just start from the beginning. The truth."

Edward looked up at his sister in anger and disbelief, "No way. If Bella knew the truth it would destroy her. I can't be the one to do that to her. Again." Edward finished the last of his coffee, heading over to the sink to rinse out his mug. "Maybe you should see her first."

"Me?" This time Alice's voice rose several octaves and she didn't care if she woke Jasper or not. "Tell me you're joking."

"I'm not. I'm serious. I'm the one she hates, not you."

He was right. The last time Alice had seen Bella was the day before their camping trip, the day before Edward severed all ties between himself and Bella. They spent the afternoon at Mike Newton's outdoor store downtown searching for the warmest, most insulated sleeping bags known to man. They even went so far as to spread the sleeping bags out on the linoleum floor of the store, and they had a blast crawling in and out of them in search of the winner. They ignored the looks from the other customers in the store - who were they, really?- and after endless laughs that made their sides hurt, they finally settled on a set of deep purple sleeping bags made of the warmest material they could find. Alice thought of the picture they had taken together that day, both girls smiling as if everything was right in their worlds. At the time, Alice couldn't think of a single thing she would change.

The next day, she lost a best friend.

Alice sighed and got up from the kitchen table, the wee hours of the morning causing a yawn to escape from her lips. So much for the coffee. She joined Edward at the sink and pulled him in for a hug.

"Let me think about it. I'm not saying yes."

"But you're not saying no, either."

"I'm saying let me think about it. Now go to bed."

He was too wound up to sleep, but he found himself in between the covers of the bed in Alice's guest room anyway. He stared at the ceiling, his hands folded together on his chest. His mind was running a mile a minute, thinking of different scenarios of him and Bella that could possibly take place in the near future. If someone had told him twenty four hours earlier that he would be seeing Bella with his own eyes, he would have laughed. The truth was that she really was back, and in that second when she didn't know anyone was in the room, before she shot him the look of death, Edward had never seen anything more beautiful.

Her skin was slightly tanned, and even though she was dressed casually in a black tee shirt and sweatpants, Edward was still struck by her beauty. Her hair fell in waves down her back to her shoulder blades, the chestnut strands catching the light from the almost fluorescent bulbs from Charlie's room. She still took his breath away.

Sleep overcame him eventually, and he rolled over a few hours later to find the gray skies of a new day. After a few minutes reliving the events from the previous night, and deciding that it was too good to be a dream, Edward tossed the covers off of his body and slipped on the clothes from the night before. Peeking down the hall, he noted that Alice and Jasper's bed was already made, signaling they had already started their day and that he should probably do the same. He was grateful for not having to go to school on Friday's in the summer, and thought that a session in his studio would be the perfect solution to calm his nerves. He didn't have any appointments booked until later in the afternoon, and his fingers twitched impatiently at the thought of a few undisturbed hours with his music. His release. He heard Alice bustling around the kitchen, and his nose immediately recognized the aroma of Grandma Cullen's Famous Lasagna. Grandma Cullen's Famous Lasagna was only cooked on special occasions.

Edward turned the corner and leaned his shoulder against the entrance to the kitchen. Alice was in the process of covering a white Corning ware dish full of lasagna with the lid when Edward interrupted, "I take it that's not for breakfast?"

Alice jumped at his voice, turning to him sharply. She gave him an innocent look.

"I can't go over to the Swan's house empty handed, can I?" She marched over to him with the lasagna in her hands, stopping to pick up her bag and keys. She kissed him on the cheek. "You're on your own for breakfast."

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

The sobs that shook Bella's body were strong enough to actually take her breath away, and she tried effortlessly to wipe the tears that poured from her eyes down her cheek, but it was pointless. Fresh tears were there the minute she dried the others away, and it only added to her frustration, which only made her cry more and harder. It was a vicious cycle.

"Bella, are you there? Breathe." Kate's voice registered through Bella's mind, and she gripped the phone tightly against her ear. "Bella?"

Bella sniffled loudly, "I'm here."

"Okay, good. Don't scare me like that." Kate had been sleeping silently when her phone rang in the middle of the night, and when she saw Bella's name pop up on the caller ID she knew that it was an emergency. An emergency in the middle of the night from Forks could only mean one thing: Bella had run into Edward.

After several minutes of incoherent mumbling, Bella was finally able to tell Kate that Edward had been in her father's hospital room, and she had gotten out of there like he had the plague.

"Oh God, Kate, what am I going to do? He's going to come to Charlie's. I know it."

"Well, now you can start to prepare yourself for what you're going to say. You won't be off guard anymore."

"How could I be so stupid?" Bella practically shouted. She was sitting in her car in her driveway, not able to go inside and face Sue and her inevitable questions. She needed to regain her composure before leaving the confines of the car. "Why did I think he had moved away from Forks? How did I think I was strong enough to see him again?"

"Bella, please, go easy on yourself. This is the first time you've seen him after everything that happened between you two. It's only normal to have the reaction you're having."

Bella wiped the tears and was relieved that they had temporarily stopped for the moment, "I can't believe I ran. I didn't want to run, I told myself I wouldn't run if I saw him. And you know what I did when I saw him? I ran! I fucking ran."

"Well hopefully it wasn't one of those really stupid girly runs with your arms and legs flailing around as if independent from your body," Kate joked.

"Oh, it totally was. I must have looked like a lunatic." Bella smiled, thankful she had Kate to be the reason for the smile. Her smile was short-lived, and the reality of the situation crashed upon her again, and she was crying again before she knew it. "What am I going to do?" She had already asked that question numerous times in the conversation with Kate, and both women were at a loss of words.

In a whisper, Bella spoke the words that haunted her down to her core, "He's going to find out about Renesmee. If he comes here."

"I know, and you knew that was a risk when you decided to leave home and head out there to Forks. And as painful as it's going to be, he has a right to know about his daughter. He has _every_ right, and I know you know that." Kate was always there to push the truth in Bella's face, even if Bella was reluctant to hear it. As blunt as Kate could be, she was right.

"I know, I know. I just want to tell him the right way."

"At this point I don't think there's a wrong way to tell him. You just have to tell him. Here's what I think you should do. Go inside, try to get some sleep. If Edward decides to show up in the morning, try not to run or kick him off your property. Be an adult and try to gain some closure out of this."

"I'm not sure Edward and I will ever have closure."

The two were silent for a few minutes, Bella's sobs quieting to soft whimpers and occasional sniffles. The trip back from the hospital was filled with blurred traffic lines on the roads, the swerves of the mountain town a backdrop to the rage that fueled Bella away from Edward. Who did he think he was? In _her _father's hospital room, with _her_ father? Did he think he had a _right_ to be there?

Seeing Edward had been her undoing, and whatever resolve she had about being back in Forks crumbled like a stack of cards in a hurricane. Not only was he still living in the town, she had seen him, and he had seen her. Edward knew she was there and there were only so many places she could hide in the small town. A tiny voice in her head told her that she was tired of hiding, that she had been hiding for too long, and she thought of all the things she should have said to him when she had the chance.

It was funny how the mind worked; there were so many things she wanted to say to him, so many things she wanted to hear from his own mouth, but her mind failed her completely when she was with him. It was as if his mere presence had rendered her speechless and infantile. The minute she was far away from him and the situation, her thoughts were endless, and her anger almost tangible in the atmosphere.

Somehow in the hours since seeing him, her anger dissipated and sadness washed over like a tidal wave. As much as she hated him, all it took was one look at him for her to realize that part of her pain and misery in the last few years was because she just missed him so much. Too much. It broke her heart to watch Renesmee see and learn new things because Edward wasn't there to share it with her.

In Edward's defense, the only reason he wasn't there to share it with her was because he had no idea Renesmee even existed in the first place. And in Bella's defense, she had spent the first two years of their time apart trying to contact Edward or any of the Cullen's to tell them about Renesmee. She didn't remember when she stopped trying, and she now sat in a panic in her driveway, realizing that it wouldn't be long before he would find out. Court rooms and lawyers flashed in front of her eyes before she pushed the thought out of her mind.

"Are you ready to go inside?" Kate's voice sounded heavy with sleep on the other end of the phone line, and Bella immediately felt sorry for waking her friend up in the middle of the night, time difference and all.

"No, I'm not, but I guess I have to. I can't spend forever in the car."

"Agreed. Do you have the doll?" Kate asked.

Bella clamped a hand on her forehead, "Shit, I forgot it. I'm officially the worst mother in the world."

"Hey, stop. You may be a lot of things, Bella Swan. Crazy, clumsy, neurotic, but a terrible mother will never be one of them. You're the best thing Renesmee has in her life. Now stop talking to me, get the fuck out of the car, and go to bed. You have to be up in a few hours to go get that Baby from the hospital before Renesmee wakes up."

With a heartfelt thank you, Bella pressed the End button on her phone and took a few deep breaths before stepping out onto the driveway. The light in her room was off so Bella took that as a sign of Renesmee being fast asleep, and she made sure to avoid making any eye contact with Sue as she slipped up the stairs to her bedroom. She opened the door slowly, the soft light traveling its way up the purple comforter on the bed and splashing gently over Renesmee.

Bella felt her heart constrict tightly at the sight of her sleeping daughter, and she slipped into the bed next to her quietly, pulling the girl softly into her arms. If there was one fight she was willing to fight, it would be for Renesmee's best interests.

As her eyelids drooped with exhaustion, her phone buzzed next to her on her nightstand. It was Kate.

_You know I have to ask. How did he look?_ - Kate the Great.

Bella responded with an amused chuckle before she succumbed to her dreams.

_After all this time I still can't find the words that could do him any justice._ - Bella.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

When Bella woke up a few hours later to two feet nudging against her legs, she stretched loudly and opened one eye cautiously. She was hoping Renesmee would forget about Baby still being at the hospital, and would be more interested in making breakfast with Bella to worry. Bella was lucky with that wish, and Renesmee was soon up to her elbows in pancake mix and eggs. The construction workers filed in shortly after, eagerly anticipating a delicious breakfast spread that Bella and Renesmee prepared daily. Considering they were virtually working for free, it was the least she could do.

After breakfast was scarfed down by all parties, and Renesmee was busy working on a new picture for Chollipop's new room, Bella washed the dishes in a daze. She was back on her perpetual rollercoaster of emotions, and she found herself riding in with a strong sense of anger as the morning went on.

It was his decision to end things. Not hers. His, and yet he was keeping tabs on her family as if everything between them was fine. As if he had never broken her heart into a thousand pieces. She was glad when she heard Sue's car pull behind her own in the driveway, hoping she could distract her from the personal war that was raging inside of her.

"Morning, Bella. I'm on my way to the hospital, mind if I take Renesmee? Charlie's already asking for her," Sue said as she made her way into the house.

"Yeah, sure. Let me just throw a bag together for you. I'll hop in the shower and meet you there soon." Bella called over her shoulder towards the flurry of construction paper coming from the coffee table in the dining room, "Renesmee, you ready to see Chollipop?"

The resounding cheer made Bella and Sue laugh, and several minutes later Bella was on the front porch waving goodbye to the retreating car. Of all the days for Bella to be alone with her thoughts, it just happened to be the time when all she wanted to do was forget. Now the house was empty, excluding the clangs of the renovations to the dining room and closet, and Bella couldn't get Edward out of her mind.

She wondered if all the distractions in the world could ever make Edward disappear from her thoughts. In the brief glimpses she had of him, he had succeeded in captivating her under his spell. All she wanted to do was hate him, and her anger towards him presently was almost reaching that level of hate, but then a softer reflection filtered to the brim of her memories.

His hand holding her own while they drove around in his car. His bright green eyes, and the way they would crinkle at the corners when he was smiling at her. His whispered words and his soft caresses. His kisses that left her breathless.

_Damn him._

She was on her way up the stairs towards the shower when she heard the soft purr of a car's engine pulling to the curb of the house. She peeked out the window and when she saw a car she didn't recognize panic shot through her body and permeated in waves through her heart. _He was here. He was at the house. This is it._

A hand flew over her mouth, gasping at the sight before her. It wasn't Edward that emerged from the car. Instead it was her best friend from childhood, and a sound escaped from Bella's mouth that she didn't know she made. She watched as Alice Cullen shut the door and reached out to open the door to the backseat, retrieving something big and white from the interior. The panic resurfaced, and Bella raced down the stairs and towards the porch before Alice could make it inside. Evidence of a small child was everywhere throughout the house, and she didn't want Alice to find out about Renesmee this way. Edward needed to be the first to know.

She didn't mean to startle her, but Alice jumped a foot in the air when Bella crashed through the screen of the front door. Alice and Bella stood silently for a moment together on the front porch, a porch where they had spent countless hours sitting together painting toenails and talking about the hottest celebrities before Alice motioned towards the dish in her hands.

"It's Lasagna. I figured you've been really busy lately with Charlie and all, so I thought you could use a home cooked meal that you don't have to cook." Alice handed the dish towards Bella's outreached arms and Bella took it gracefully, praying she wouldn't pull a Bella and drop everything to ruins.

"Thank you, Alice. You didn't have to do that," Bella said softly, and placed the lasagna on the small bench next to the door.

Alice nodded, "I know. I wanted to."

"Well, it smells delicious. I'll make sure to save some for Charlie once he's home." Bella smiled hesitantly, not wanting Alice to know that she was absolutely terrified on the inside. This was Alice, the most gentle and kind person Bella had the privilege of knowing, and she was nostalgic to see that time had not changed that. Bella was thinking the world could use a few more Alice Cullens when she noticed the diamond glinting from her left hand. Perhaps the world could use a few more Alice Whitlocks?

"I'm sorry to come over unannounced. I just wanted you to know that I'm, we're...here for you if you need anything at all." She glanced back towards her car and flashed Bella a smile, "I need to go. I was just passing through on my way to work." Bella nodded in understanding, completely unprepared for when the short haired pixie she used to call her best friend stepped close enough to her to pull her in for a hug. Bella felt her eyes fill with tears she didn't know she had left, her heart filling with gratitude. She had spent all her energy on being mad and missing Edward that she had pushed Alice to the backburner.

Alice pulled away from her and smiled apologetically, "I'm really sorry about your dad, but you have no idea how glad I am that you're here."

She vanished as fast as she appeared.

If Bella wasn't staring at the dish of lasagna that Alice had brought over, she would have been certain she had imagined it. The visit was short and sweet, brief and to the point. It was clear that they were both walking the line between comfort and unchartered territory, where emotions were flying at a speed faster than sound. Unanswered questions filled the air like speech bubbles in a newspaper comic.

Still in a state of shock, Bella walked back into the house and headed towards the kitchen, lasagna in hand. She opened the refrigerator door and placed the lasagna on the top shelf, glad she had cleared out the refrigerator before going food shopping the day before. The tray was so big that it filled almost the entire shelf, so she was surprised when a little card on the top of the lid had almost gone unnoticed. The refrigerator door made a soft thud as it closed behind her.

Bella opened the card and Alice's signature script of loops and curves filled the empty pages.

_Bella, _

_Our thoughts and prayers are with you during your father's recovery. While I wish it were under better circumstances, words cannot express how truly happy I am that you're back. It doesn't matter how long you're planning to stay - just the fact that you're here has already made a dismal present seem like a hopeful future. I know you're angry about Edward seeing Charlie the way he did, but I want you to know that for the first time in years I saw a fire in my brother's eyes that I thought I would never see again. He didn't do it to harm anyone, I assure you. I think over the years Edward has forgotten where to go, where he belongs. Perhaps seeing your father gave him some direction._

_I don't want to speak for him, and he's probably going to kill me if he ever found out I wrote you this, but here are a few ways to contact him. I think he wants to let you take the lead, considering he took it from you the last day you saw each other. Enjoy the Lasagna; it's a Cullen family delicacy. Please send warm wishes to Charlie._

_With love,_

_Alice_

Written below the letter was an email address, a phone number, and an address to some music studio in the town next to Forks.


	12. Chapter 12

_"I'm looking through you._

_Where did you go?_

_I thought I knew you._

_What did I know?_

_You don't look different but you have changed._

_I'm looking through you._

_You're not the same."_

_- 'I'm Looking Through You', The Beatles_

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Edward was right. Drowning himself with the soft waves from his piano helped to loosen the grip his anxiety held over him. He felt like he could finally take a minute to catch his breath; try to sort out everything that had happened. He spent the morning in his studio, getting lost in the sounds and the notes tumbling off the pages. If there was anyone listening to the music, the intensity and abruptness of the keys would surely signify a despair and longing from the composer himself. The sounds became almost tangible in the dimly lit studio space above the convenience store.

Edward was grateful for the hours he had alone before his first appointment arrived, inadvertently disrupting any sense of peace Edward had been holding onto. Normally he welcomed any and all distractions to keep him from becoming lost in the shadows of his thoughts, but once his lessons started, Edward found himself scattered and disheveled.

Knocking over a dozen sheets of music was not a big deal; it was something Edward had done countless times. Spilling a steaming mug of coffee over the pages of his planner was a disaster, but not the end of the world. He didn't flinch when his fingers apparently forgot the proper notes to a song he could play in his sleep. But when little Garrett accidentally swung a clarinet haphazardly towards the ceiling, his head and back tilted as far as his little body could go like the "cool jazz singers did", the instrument held firmly between his lips, the clarinet smacked violently against something simultaneously hard and soft. That something turned out to be Edward's nose.

After Edward regained his vision from the swirling stars that threatened to overcome him then and there, and he felt the rush of heat trickle in red streams from his nose, he decided to call it a day. He ushered Garrett and his mother out of his studio as politely as he could, nearly tripping over all of the apologies from Garret's mother as he shut the door to the stairwell. The paper towels he had grabbed to stop the bleeding were becoming saturated, and with an ironic laugh he grabbed the whole roll and plopped down loudly on his couch under the window.

He shook his head at the sky, at the day, at the world. It turned out that keeping his mind off of Bella only worked temporarily. He had been Garret's music teacher for some time now - he knew to always stray a few paces away from the fun but uncoordinated child, but today his head had been in the clouds, his nose apparently the perfect target.

As the bleeding slowly began to ebb, he was reminded of the last time he had taken a hit to this degree. It gave him a small smile beneath the bloody paper towels, and he wished it wasn't his calloused and rough fingers that were pinching the bridge of his nose, but instead the small and delicate fingers that so gently did the job years before.

It had been during their third year of college, and Edward was waiting patiently outside of the building for Bella to finish her last exam of the fall semester. Snow was falling in a quiet current, blanketing the greens around them in a bright white, but Bella's smile as she emerged from the building was somehow brighter than the white surrounding them. She ran towards him as gracefully as she could on a sidewalk covered in wet snow, and he caught her easily, picking her up and swinging them around in a wide circle. Exams were officially over; it was one step closer to the life they were paving together. It was almost six weeks of no papers, no readings, no exams, and no lectures. Only each other. The only thing Edward wanted to study was the soft dimples on the lower side of her back, the heat that elevated between them as their legs tangled around each other, her full lips and the power they had that brought him to his knees every time. He'd deliberately fail that exam if it granted him more study time.

"We're officially on winter break!" She shrieked, her eyes wild with freedom. "I can finally breathe again."

"For now," Edward joked, and he pressed his lips firmly against her own, silencing them both with a kiss that warmed them from the blistering cold of the air. A kiss whose intention was pure and innocent quickly grew into anything but once she pulled Edward by his jacket closer to her body, her tongue soft and hot and dangerous. He broke the kiss while he had the restraint, pressing their foreheads together, the sight of their breath filling the space between them.

"We need to get out of here," he whispered, his voice husky and low. She knew, and felt, what he meant. She giggled loudly, grabbing his hand and pulling them in the direction of her dorm, stopping every few minutes to pull him in for a kiss or two.

Or three.

She wondered if there would ever come a time when she would be able to look at him and not feel completely overwhelmed by him. Would she ever be able to look at those lips of his and not think of how they feel when they're trailing down her body? Would she ever be able to hear the sound of his laugh without smiling uncontrollably? Until that time came, she made a vow to herself to memorize every moment, to capitalize on whatever emotion she felt towards him. Perhaps that explained why she was almost dragging him back to her room.

He pulled her back to him so they were walking side by side again, his grin plastered widely on his face as they stared at each other in bliss only one understands if experienced personally. They were too focused on each other to notice anyone or anything surrounding them. Who knew being young and in love could inflict personal damage?

Edward learned the hard way.

Neither of them saw the wooden stop sign next to the crosswalk leading away from the academic buildings. Edward's nose found it first, and found it hard and unwelcoming. He stumbled backwards a few steps before landing in a soft thud in the snow. Small drops of red covered the white blanket on the ground, and Bella brought a hand over her mouth at the sight of Edward's nose.

"Oh my God, Edward!" She cried. "You're bleeding!" She sunk to her knees in the snow next to him, her eyes quickly scanning his face for any other injuries. "Does it hurt?"

Edward sat up slowly, his hand under his nose to stop the blood, "My nose is fine. It's my pride that hurts the most," he joked, and watched as Bella dug frantically through her bag for a tissue for him.

"Here, this is all I have." She handed him a single tissue, the last from her little pack of Kleenex. He looked at her incredulously, his face telling her exactly what he thought The Little Tissue That Could would be able to do for him. She laughed, "Well, it's either this or a tampon."

"Give me the tampon. Sticking it up my nose will probably look as ridiculous as this little non-tissue. Shit, it would probably work better, too." He made a move for her bag and she shoved him away gently, scooping up a small handful of snow within her gloved fingers. Placing it gently on the bridge of his nose, she told him to bend forward and she pinched the pile of snow to stop the bleeding. The two of them sat there, on the sidewalk between the academic buildings and the dorms, Edward's face hidden behind a tiny, now red tissue and a pile of snow.

They were laughing softly together at the ridiculousness of the situation, Bella's head resting against Edward's shoulder. They didn't care that they were sitting in the cold snow, the wetness beginning to soak into their clothes and their bones.

"See, it's almost done bleeding. Aren't you supposed to be the doctor around here? Maybe I should play nurse for you more often, huh?" She laughed, pulling him up off the ground once she was satisfied he wouldn't make a mess all over her dorm.

"Don't even tease me like that," Edward said, images of her dancing in his mind. "I still can't control myself around you."

Bella shook her head, the snow falling off of her hair in soft waves, "That makes two of us."

And so Edward sat on his couch under the window, with his nose pinched behind several layers of paper towels, thinking that both of his non-threatening nose injuries occurred because of her. He was always preoccupied with her, and knowing she was so close to him again made him wonder how he was even functioning at all.

He was lucky a hit to the nose was all he had endured.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

_I can do this. I can do this. I'm a strong, independent woman._

That was the mantra Bella repeated over and over to herself once Alice had left for the day. She had stood in the kitchen, reading and rereading the note Alice left again and again until she had it almost memorized. There it was, scrawled in simple script. Something she had wanted since he had vanished off the face of the earth. Since the day she had stopped trying.

His address.

Now that she had it, she had to decide what she was actually going to do with it. Throwing it in the garbage was one option, but that would do her no good since the address was already etched into her brain. Ignoring it was another option, pretending she never saw it, and confronting the situation if it ever stared her in the face, like the night she saw him in the hospital. Or, she could do the right thing.

Go to him.

It was a day she dreaded since the moment Renesmee was born, one she knew she would have to face eventually. She tried to push back all her feelings of anger and resentment, but a vision of him standing next to her sleeping father clouded her judgment and she was seething mad once again. One look at Edward and she was sure her blood would begin to boil, her heart would start to beat an extra thump or two, and the weight of her anger would come out in harsh words of regret. Instead of telling him about their daughter, she would tell him to go fuck himself for leaving her so abruptly, so empty. She would tell him it was his fault, and the price of abandoning her when she needed him most would be the cost of the life with his child.

But Bella Swan was better than that. She was sitting on years of patience, years of learning how to restrain her feelings from getting the best of her. Yes, she was bitter. Yes, she was aware that the father of her child decided not to be a part their lives, and he made sure Bella understood. He made sure she would never speak to him again. Yes, she was aware that he burned all of their bridges. But yet still she clung, if only for Renesmee's sake. She deserved a father, even if the angry version of Bella didn't believe Edward deserved her.

Bella reminded herself of the advice Kate had given her, that at this point there really wasn't a right or a wrong way to tell him about his daughter. Bella's only job was to find that way to tell him. She figured her clue towards the way to tell him was left in Alice's note.

Even though she didn't need it, Bella clutched the address tightly in her hands as she stared at a tiny window above a local convenience store. There was a tiny door on the side of the building, a door that Bella presumed led up to his music studio.

_I can do this. I can do this. I'm a strong, independent woman._

She stayed in the car for a few minutes after parking it in the parking lot behind the building, paralyzed by fear or uncertainty. Probably both, with a little dose of anxiousness and anger to add on to her emotional rollercoaster. She watched in her rear view mirror as a little boy and his mother stumbled out of the side door, her stomach tightening in her throat. Judging by the instrument case swinging from the boy's hand, she had found the right place. With a shaky breath, she stepped outside of the car and shut the door quickly before she changed her mind and drove away. Before she knew it she was placing her hand on the doorknob, about to open the door to a new chapter of her life. Once the door opened, there was no way of going back to the life she had started to become accustomed to.

The door opened to a stairwell, dark and musty, lit only by a soft light that hung from the center of the ceiling. Her footsteps echoed in the emptiness, and she prayed her footsteps wouldn't give her away before she was ready. She felt like she was walking the plank as she ascended the stairs, peering over the corner to see a door halfway closed to the outside world. It was the only door, the only place to go. There were no more escapes. All it would take would be one simple push of the door. One simple push and he would be back in her life.

_I can do this. I can do this. I'm a strong, independent woman._

Bella didn't know what to expect when she pushed through the barricade. Maybe he would be immersed in writing some genius composition at a desk; maybe he would be plunking the strings of an old, out of tune guitar. Maybe he would be too busy to talk and would dismiss her with a wave of his hand, like he dismissed her that day in her driveway. He wasn't doing any of those things.

Bella was surprised to see Edward Cullen, the man of her youthful dreams, with his fingers wrapped around the coils of his hair, surrounded by paper towels covered in what looked to be blood, and what looked to be an ice pack balanced between his wrist and his nose. His eyes opened at the creek of the door, and in shock at the sight before him, the bag of ice dropped from its delicate balance on the bridge of his nose.

She motioned behind her towards the opened door, "It was open so I just thought I'd come right in. Is this a bad time?" She looked around at the bloody mess that lay around his studio, at the redness around his nose and the turning colors of pale white to the beginnings of black and blue. If there was nervousness in her words, Edward didn't notice it. He was too busy grasping on to what was happening presently in his studio. In his messy, bloody, paper towel covered, studio.

"Oh, God. No, no. Not at all." He scrambled to clean up any evidence of his injury, praying she didn't notice the way his hands trembled as he scooped up the bag of ice and music sheets. The way his day was going, he hoped he wouldn't trip and fall over air on his way to the trash can. "Sorry for the mess, I - " she stopped him midsentence, her hand in the air and a shake of her head dismissing his words.

"Please, don't apologize. Alice gave me your address so I wanted to stop by on my way to the hospital." Edward nodded at her words, figuring his sister would have something to do with Bella's sudden arrival. He noted the lack of emotion in her words, and eventually, when he had the nerve and courage to actually look her in the eyes, he saw a wall. A hard wall, one that he unknowingly helped to erect.

"About that. I'm, uh, really sorry for what happened at the hospital last night," Edward said, nervously placing his shaking hands in his back pockets. She had yet to venture any further into the room, deciding to stand two or three steps away from the door. He wasn't a total fool, and took it as a sign to give her the space she needed in order to see him. He took a deep breath and looked at her deeply from across the room, "I didn't mean to hurt anyone."

"You had _no _right being there." The volume of her voice didn't rise or fall, but the malice in her words was something that did not go unnoticed. She hated him. He knew it right then and there. It was almost worse than not seeing or hearing a word from her in their years apart. Edward held up both hands in surrender.

"I know." His confession came out a whisper, soft in its delivery but heavy with meaning. He hoped she knew that seeing Charlie was almost like he didn't have a choice. When it came to Bella, and anything having any connection with her, he was hopeless. Above all, he hoped she knew that he spoke the truth, he really was sorry. He never meant to hurt her, now or ever.

"Why?" Her voice was softer now, one that Edward immediately recognized. "Why would you think it would be okay for you to see my father?"

He ran his hands through his hair, a loud sigh escaping his lips before he turned to look out the window overlooking the busy streets below them. How could be able to explain it to her so she would understand? Telling her that he never stopped caring about her or her family because his love for her had done nothing but grow over the years wasn't something she would even begin to comprehend. He would probably suffer another nosebleed at the hands of Bella Swan if he ever told her the truth.

"I never thought it would be the right thing to do. It was just something I felt I had to do, I guess."

"Let me tell you something." She took a few steps away from the door and looked at him squarely in the eyes, chocolate brown meeting emerald green in a war of emotion. "I don't need you for anything. You have yourself to thank for that." The wall was back up behind those eyes of hers, and Edward saw it was built on a foundation strong and determined. He nodded in understanding, accepting defeat when he heard her footsteps disappear towards the door. They paused for a minute, and when he looked up, she was staring at him with a face Edward had never seen before. She was angry, no doubt. She had basically told him to stay the hell out of their lives, yet a softness appeared on her face right before she left him alone in the studio.

"Keep ice on that nose. It's already starting to swell." This time she made sure the door was shut, and loudly at that.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Bella couldn't think of a time when she had been more mad at herself as she was as she drove to the hospital. Her plan to engage in a civil and serious conversation with Edward disappeared the minute she saw him. She saw him and she saw red, and it wasn't just because of his apparent nosebleed. When she saw him, she saw the back of his head when he drove away from her that day in her driveway. She saw unanswered phone calls and emails and text messages. She saw deleted accounts on social networking sites. She saw disappearing appetites and reappearing plates of whatever food she could temporarily keep down floating in the toilet bowl. She saw positive pregnancy tests after positive pregnancy tests and no hand to help guide her through it. When they were in college she asked herself if there would ever be a day when his presence alone wouldn't be able to overwhelm her, and even though being in the same room as him nearly suffocated her, Bella found herself overwhelmed by him yet again. Only this time, she wasn't dazzled.

She was mad.

Of course, it didn't help her situation in the least. She probably only managed to piss him off even more than she assumed he already was, considering she barged in on him while he was working. She allowed herself one selfish moment, where she didn't put the needs of her father or her mother or daughter before her own. Edward needed to know that what he did destroyed her life, threw her off her designated path and onto one new and unknown, and he needed to know that she would never forget it.

He also needed to know he was a father, which meant she would have to somehow confront him again.

And of course he had to have a bloody nose, making her instantly remember that afternoon in the snow where they had been so wrapped up in each other that they completely ignored the huge, blaring stop sign that Edward almost knocked over with his nose. It was one of her favorite memories of them; the happiness of that memory made her almost forget to hate him.

The fire of their confrontation carried with Bella for the remainder of the day, and not even the doctor confirming Charlie's departure from the hospital was enough to shake Edward off of her. Bella spent the remainder of the day and evening preparing the house for Charlie's arrival, making sure there was enough food in the freezer to last him a few weeks during his recovery at home. With Renesmee's "help", Bella cleaned and scrubbed the house from the top to the bottom; one because she knew once Charlie was home their routine would be turned upside down and two; it looked like it hadn't been cleaned and scrubbed since Bella left for Florida in the middle of the night. Ugh, terminal bachelor for sure.

Once Renesmee was bathed and put to bed, Bella sat down on her laptop and browsed furniture stores for a new, sturdy bed for Charlie to sleep on. It wouldn't be there by the time he arrived, so his old bed from upstairs would have to suffice temporarily. At 8:30, the phone rang and without answering the phone she knew who it would be. It was a Cullen, but not the one who she was hoping to hear from. It was Alice, and after explaining that it was fairly simple to get the phone number of the Chief of Police in a town as small as Forks, she asked Bella to meet her for dinner one night during the week. Bella surprised herself.

She didn't hesitate to say yes.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"Wow, man. I can't believe it." Edward and Emmett were coasting peacefully on Edward's boat, the coolness of the evening summer air leaving trails of goosebumps on their skin. Emmett slung back the rest of his beer, shaking his head at the craziness of Edward's past twenty four hours. "How long is she staying?"

Edward shook his head quickly, and a shrug of his shoulders was followed by a sigh, "Who knows. She wasn't exactly in the mood to share any of that kind of information. She looked like she wanted to kill me."

"Can you blame her?" Emmett was always blunt in his interactions with others, and it didn't sting Edward any less.

"No, I deserve it. I just want the chance to explain myself." Edward looked out towards the darkening horizon. "If she'll let me." He had to prepare himself in case she never would. His words were sad, hopeless, and Emmett gently slapped a hand on his brother's shoulder in comfort.

"I hope so, man. I hope she does."

Escaping into his world of music and sound did nothing for Edward. If anything, it made him even more possessed by Bella's presence back home. When he made it home for the day, he decided to try his luck on the water. His boat, and its speed, was his only other chance of retreat. He called Emmett and invited him for the ride, offering a few beers and a dinner barbequed on the grill. Emmett came with a bagful of fish and steak to grill, and Edward knew that someone must have tipped Emmett off on Bella's arrival. He wasn't surprised - news involving him and the Swan's traveled fast in the Cullen world. He wouldn't be surprised if Esme was shipping homemade meals by the truckful to the Swan residence as the brothers spoke over the waves of the water.

Time was one of those things that turned out to work out in Bella's favor. There was a confidence that swarmed around her, and Edward wondered if that was what contributed to how beautiful she was today in his studio. He had spent the hours since she left reeling from their encounter, hating himself for being the cause of all her hatred towards him. He had spent hours reliving every minute she was there in his studio, from the minute she stumbled into the room to the minute she slammed the door behind her on her way out. He memorized all the words she said, the way she said them. In his head, he had gone over and over all of her words left unspoken. He would have to let her go. He promised himself he would; he at least owed her that much. With the day behind him, and no future in front of him, he allowed himself to think of her one last time. He wanted his last thought of her to be of how much she still managed to take his breath away in just one look.

It was the closest he had ever come to the chestnut of his dreams. Her hair, the chestnut he so desperately longed to catch, hung in soft waves just below her shoulder blades. Her skin, that looked as smooth as silk, retained some type of light tan from wherever it was she lived. Phoenix? Florida? He'd never know. Her lips, soft and pink despite the hard and black words that flew from them, assaulted his memory like a Mack truck.

Letting her go was going to be one of the hardest things he'd ever done in his life.

Well, almost.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"I'm sorry I'm late," Bella rushed, practically falling into the chair at the restaurant. "Charlie needed my help - "

"Shh, shhh, relax, Bella." Alice's comforting bell of a voice brought Bella back to Earth. Charlie had been home for a week, and while the transition had not gone as smoothly as hoped, Bella still managed to escape the confines of her home and meet Alice for dinner. It was the second dinner the two of them had had, and Bella admittedly looked forward to seeing her friend. She couldn't tell her the real reasons she arrived in a heap; she couldn't tell Alice that Renesmee refused to go to bed unless she was with her Chollipop. No, she couldn't tell her that she had to read Renesmee her favorite bedtime story, _twice_, in order for the girl to go upstairs.

Meeting Alice last week had been one hundred times easier than meeting Edward. After spending the most of their dinner over tears and hugs, they shifted somewhat comfortably into reconnecting. They spoke of careers and future plans, Alice relived her wedding day step by step, with Bella eagerly anticipating every word. Somehow their conversations managed to veer far away from anything having to do with Edward. It was something Bella welcomed with open arms.

"I wanted to run something by you," Alice said halfway through their dinner. Bella looked at Alice wearily over her glass of wine.

"I'm very afraid."

Alice smiled softly and continued as if Bella had never spoken, "Do you remember last week when you got the first hospital bill in the mail?" Bella groaned, closing her eyes at the memory and the commas she saw on the remaining bill balance.

"Please, don't remind me. Charlie is already planning on shelling out his life savings for it."

"Well, I may have a solution, even though you may not like it. I want you to hear me out, though."

"No, Alice, absolutely not. You are not paying one ounce towards his hospital bills, I don't care if I have to fight you right here in this fancy restaurant." Alice laughed, waving her hand nonchalantly in Bella's direction. She put her wine down, eyeing Alice carefully.

"I was thinking more along the lines of a benefit, or a fundraiser. The people of this town are looking to do anything they can to help their Chief of Police."

"A benefit? What kind of benefit?"

"I don't know, I was thinking since it's the summer and the weather has been somewhat favorable we could put together a carnival of some sort."

"A carnival?" Bella's voice rose a few octaves. She was thinking of a small catered dinner at the downtown rec center, not something with this high level of magnitude. "That's a huge event to plan!"

"Are you forgetting what I do? I'm an Event Planner. I. Plan. Events."

"Gee, thanks for clarifying that." She smiled at her crazy, reacquainted friend. "I could never ask the people of Forks to do something like this."

"You don't have to ask. They're already offering what they can to help since they found out that Charlie was released from the hospital. By the way, the hospital should probably know that Jessica Stanley is a terrible employee and is breaking all sorts of HPPA privacy laws with her big mouth." Bella laughed, glad to finally know where the source was coming from. That was probably how Edward had found out about Charlie's accident to begin with. Her laughter ended with a flash of panic.

"Benefts are very...public." She swallowed deeply. Public. Renesmee. Edward would need to know by then.

"Public, yes. Necessary, too. For everything that Charlie has done for this town over the years, it's about time the town gave back to him." Alice reached her hand across the table, squeezing Bella's lightly under her own. "All proceeds will go towards Charlie's hospital bills." The only reason Bella's hand slipped away from Alice's was to wipe the tear that fell from her eye. Alice was right; it would help Charlie financially tremendously, and it would take away one of the many burdens that rested on Bella's shoulders. With slight trepidation, Bella nodded and agreed to the benefit. Alice squealed loudly, pulling Bella toward her in a hug.

"Thank you so much, Alice. You have no idea how much this will help."

"Don't thank me. Thank Edward. It was all his idea."

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Edward closed the lid to his laptop with a soft click, leaving the walls of his office to enjoy the last remaining remnants of the day before it dipped under the dark blanket of night. He sat on his patio, glad his lesson plans for the upcoming week of summer school were completed, and closed his eyes, the stress slipping off of his shoulders in waves. He was just on the cusp of sleep when his phone buzzed loudly next to him, causing him to shoot straight up in a panic. It was just an email, but the buzz must have echoed loudly in the moment between sleep and awake. He rubbed his eyes quickly, waiting as his phone loaded his inbox.

He almost flipped in his chair when he saw who it was from.

**From:** Isabella Swan

**To:** Edward Cullen

**Subject:** A Start

_Thank you._

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

**A/N: Sorry for the delay! RL has been a little crazy and I'm hoping to regain some sense of normalcy in the coming weeks. Glad to know my little story is interesting enough to be missed! Crossing my fingers for a faster update, everyone!**


	13. Chapter 13

_"Blackbird singing in the dead of night_

_Take these broken wings and learn to fly_

_All your life you were only waiting for this moment to arise."_

_- "Blackbird", The Beatles_

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

**To**: Isabella Swan

**From**: Edward Cullen

**Subject**: Re: A Start

_I'm not really sure what to say. Hearing from you is the last thing I thought could happen so please forgive me for sounding a little shocked. I don't deserve a thank you from anyone, especially from you. Do you mind me asking what it is you're thanking me for?_

_- Edward_

**To**: Edward Cullen

**From**: Isabella Swan

**Subject**: The Fundraiser

_The fundraiser. Alice told me it was your idea._

_-Bella_

**To**: Isabella Swan

**From**: Edward Cullen

**Subject**: Re: The Fundraiser

_Oh, yes. Please don't thank me for it. It's the least I could do. I'm assuming Alice has something to do with you emailing me._

_-Edward_

**To**: Edward Cullen

**From**: Isabella Swan

**Subject**: You can always bet on Alice.

_In a way, yes. She gave me your email address and the address to your studio. Putting these addresses to use was all my doing, however. I thought you deserved a thank you._

_-Bella_

**To**: Isabella Swan

**From**: Edward Cullen

**Subject**: Re: You can always bet on Alice.

_Regardless of how you got it, I'm grateful you put it to use. And please, no need to thank me. It was the least I could do considering...everything. I know you won't believe me, no matter how many times I try to tell you, but I really am sorry for visiting your father without him being aware of it. I know it was disrespectful, out of line...well, the list can go on. It was just something I felt I owed him. And you._

_Hopefully you agreed to the idea of the fundraiser. For a man who gave this town so much it only makes sense for the town to finally do something nice for him. Out of respect for you and Charlie, Alice will be in charge of the whole affair. I'll be taking a step back like you wanted._

_-Edward_

**To**: Edward Cullen

**From**: Isabella Swan

**Subject**: Apologies

_It's been a trying time for all of us these past few weeks, so the last thing that I need, the both of us need, is to add any undue stress to this already stressful situation. I knew coming back to Forks would be a challenge and I've learned the hard way that knowing something and then actually experiencing it are two different things. I thought I was ready to face you if the opportunity presented itself, but it turns out I'm not. I appreciate you letting Alice take the reins on this. Gives me time to get my head together._

_I made a promise to myself a long time ago that I will no longer be accepting any apologies from you._

_-Bella_

**To**: Isabella Swan

**From**: Edward Cullen

**Subject**: Re: Apologies

_I understand. As much as I wish you would change your mind, I understand. I guess I'll settle _

_with just the idea of you knowing I am sorry and am sincere when I tell you that I never meant to hurt you or your family._

_Not now. Not ever._

_-Edward_

**To**: Edward Cullen

**From**: Isabella Swan

**Subject**: Re: Re: Apologies

_I'm not really sure how to respond to that. Too much too soon._

_-Bella_

**To**: Isabella Swan

**From**: Edward Cullen

**Subject**: Tongue Tied

_I'm not looking for a response from you. I get that it's too much, too fast, and it's wrong for me to say it but I sit here and I'm glad for any words you say to me. I've waited so long to see or hear any words from you so I'll take anything I can get._

_-Edward_

**To**: Edward Cullen

**From**: Isabella Swan

**Subject**: Re: Tongue Tied

_What words could you possibly have to say? You made yourself abundantly clear. Crystal, in fact. And in the years between then and now, these so called words you speak of never managed to come out of your mouth. _

_Maybe it's time I spoke._

_-Bella_

**To**: Isabella Swan

**From**: Edward Cullen

**Subject**: Speak!

_I have a lot to say, actually. A lot of explaining to do and I would love it if you gave me the chance one day. Also, I would love to hear what __**you**__ have to say. Good or bad, I'm prepared. I haven't been much of anything but a shadow in the years since you've left. I've been at my rock bottom already so nothing you say could take me somewhere where I haven't already been. You can tell me how much you hate me, how bad I fucked up everything we had, and you know what? I take full responsibility for everything that happened. I've wanted to tell you that since the day you left._

_It's all I've wanted._

_-Edward_

**To**: Edward Cullen

**From**: Isabella Swan

**Subject**: Re: Speak!

_Speaking of shadows, I've gained one. My shadow follows me wherever I go, takes and does whatever she pleases, squeezes my heart until I think it could pop out of my chest. I owe my life to my shadow; without her I would have fallen deep into the pits of hell. I have changed since the last time you saw me. Everything I do is for my shadow. _

_My shadow is the reason I contacted you in the first place. If it were up to me, we would never speak again. However, I know my shadow could use a shadow of her own._

_- Bella_

**To**: Isabella Swan

**From**: Edward Cullen

**Subject**: Shadows?

_I can see your literary side emerging - I can't follow your metaphors of shadows and hell._

_-Edward_

**To**: Edward Cullen

**From**: Isabella Swan

**Subject**: Re: Shadows?

_You're right. Too much too soon again. I need to explain it to you, eventually._

_-Bella_

**To**: Isabella Swan

**From**: Edward Cullen

**Subject**: Until Eventually comes...

_I've been out of line for years so I'm not scared to throw myself out there again. Until 'eventually' comes, maybe we can stick to the lighter side of things? If that's okay with you. In all seriousness, our paths will no doubt cross again just by you being here in this small, remote area of the world and my sister being, well, my sister. I've spent years being unpleasant and I'm ready to make the change._

_Is that too much to ask?_

_-Edward_

**To**: Edward Cullen

**From**: Isabella Swan

**Subject**: Re: Until Eventually comes...

_In all seriousness, as you said, being unpleasant has become too common for me. Maybe being back in Forks can bring out my lighter side again. Maybe I have no choice._

_-Bella_

**To**: Isabella Swan

**From**: Edward Cullen

**Subject**: You do have a choice.

_You do have a choice, Bella. I'm giving it back to you._

_-Edward_

**To**: Edward Cullen

**From**: Isabella Swan

**Subject**: Re: You do have a choice.

_I'm sorry for coming across the way I am. Having a conversation with you makes me feel all sorts of emotions that are difficult for me to sort through at the moment. There are a lot of things floating around this head of mine and I'm sorry if you're on the unfortunate other end of my thoughts._

_I thought we were going with light and easy. Sorry for going off track a minute. I'm giving this conversation an attempt on account of my shadow._

_You can start by telling me about your studio. It looked pretty neat, from what I've seen._

_-Bella_

**To**: Isabella Swan

**From**: Edward Cullen

**Subject**: Ah, my studio.

_Yes, light and easy. Okay. _

_It started as a means for escape. Literally. I couldn't stand living on friend's couches or in my parent's guestroom anymore so I rented this little studio above the convenience store as a cheap little place to call my own. Turned out that it was a great place for me to escape into another world, too. One thing led to another and I ended up buying a house and keeping the little place to play music. Word of mouth is how the lessons began._

_Is this light enough?_

_-Edward_

**To**: Edward Cullen

**From**: Isabella Swan

**Subject**: Re: Ah, my studio.

_Yes, it's light enough. Thank you._

_I'm glad your studio has worked out for you, so it seems. I think I saw a little boy leaving the parking lot that was looking pretty excited to have been there. I could be wrong, though. Lucky for you to have a house and your studio._

_- Bella_

**To**: Isabella Swan

**From**: Edward Cullen

**Subject**: Little Garrett

_Yes, that was Garrett. Fun, high energy boy that really uses his instruments as a release. He's a lot of fun and I end up looking forward to our sessions more so than any of my other clients. That was what happened to me, though. Music became my escape, not just my studio. It can take me anywhere I want to go._

_-Edward_

**To**: Edward Cullen

**From**: Isabella Swan

**Subject**: Re: Little Garrett

_We all have escapes. Music became yours. I have my own escape but not for tonight. Too heavy._

_-Bella_

**To**: Isabella Swan

**From**: Edward Cullen

**Subject**: Light

_Okay, back to the light. Is it too heavy to ask about work? I can tell you that I'm a high school music teacher by day and I teach music lessons by night. Not too exciting but I love it and it has been one of the few things I've been holding onto for a while now._

_- Edward_

**To**: Edward Cullen

**From**: Isabella Swan

**Subject**: Re: Light

_Saving the world one note at a time, I see. How thoughtful! I can tell you what I do for a living, that wouldn't be stepping over any lines. I actually own a bookstore. It's pretty interactive, one of the few in its area, and I'm lucky enough to work with amazing staff that I trust enough to leave the store to for the duration of the summer. _

_What happened to becoming Dr. Edward Cullen?_

_-Bella_

**To**: Isabella Swan

**From**: Edward Cullen

**Subject**: Bookstore!

_Wow! Your own bookstore. That's really great to hear that you followed your dreams of what the world of literature could do for you. As for my dreams of becoming Dr. Cullen, well, turns out my dreams changed. I woke up one morning and realized I was chasing after something that belonged to someone else. The old me. The new me wanted nothing to do with that dream. I saw the hours my father put in at the hospital, thought of all the holidays he missed because of his shifts, all our family events ruined because he was on call. _

_I would much rather have a life at home with a family than anything else. Teaching and music allowed me to do both. I've got the career thing down. _

_- Edward_

**To**: Edward Cullen

**From**: Isabella Swan

**Subject**: Re: Bookstore!

_I agree with you. A life at home, a family, means more to me than any book or bookstore. I can only imagine how your parents were when you told them of your new plan._

_-Bella_

**To**: Isabella Swan

**From**: Edward Cullen

**Subject**: New Plan

_I think they knew I needed a new plan. Parental instinct, I guess. My father understood everything I was feeling at the time so I think the biggest shock I gave him was when I turned up with a brand new boat that I had no idea how to maintain. Imagine that face._

_- Edward_

**To**: Edward Cullen

**From**: Isabella Swan

**Subject**: Re: New Plan

_A boat? Hopefully you learned everything you need to know before you took it out on the water._

_From the sounds of it, it seems like you've created some life for yourself. A boat, a rewarding career and business on the side. It sounds like a happy life._

_-Bella_

**To**: Isabella Swan

**From**: Edward Cullen

**Subject**: A Happy Life

_It's a life. That's it. Happiness for me has been fleeting. A couple moments here and there, but mostly they were just there to tease me. To remind me there will always be that missing puzzle piece._

_-Edward_

**To**: Edward Cullen

**From**: Isabella Swan

**Subject**: Re: A Happy Life

_I know what you mean. Too well. I hold on to those little moments in my life like they are the only things I have. So tight in case they'll leave. _

_-Bella_

**To**: Isabella Swan

**From**: Edward Cullen

**Subject**: Happiness

_I'm sure hearing the news about your father's accident didn't help anything. It must have been awful._

_-Edward_

**To**: Edward Cullen

**From**: Isabella Swan

**Subject**: Re: Happiness

_It was definitely the worst phone call I've ever gotten. I never thought I'd ever come back to Forks and yet when I heard about my father I knew I didn't have a choice. It was almost like I was here before I even stepped on the plane. We've seen Charlie make remarkable progress in the past few weeks, as I'm sure you've seen as well. I'm very relieved to know he's well enough to come home and he will be in excellent hands with Sue when it's time for me to head home._

_How did you hear about Charlie's accident? I know news travels fast in this town._

_-Bella_

**To**: Isabella Swan

**From**: Edward Cullen

**Subject**: News travels fast

_Alice and I were out to dinner, wait. Let me rephrase that. I was dragged against my will by Alice and we happened to run into Jessica Stanley, who apparently works at the hospital doing God knows what. I didn't even think after that. I just left Alice there at the table and sped to the hospital to make sure he wasn't alone. I didn't know if you were there, if anyone was, and I didn't want him to be alone. After that, it just became habit for me to see how he was doing. I always went at night so he wouldn't try to reach for his gun to kill me and further injure himself in the process. I wasn't trying to hide intentionally. _

_It was just easier that my visits went unnoticed. The night I saw you there was my last night. I was there to say goodbye to him, to you, to everything that was just too much to carry anymore. I had no idea you would show up - believe me- after waiting all this time to see you I would not choose for that moment to be the first time we saw each other. _

_I guess after so long I was ready to move on. Maybe I felt I had to even though I've discovered moving on from you, from us, is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. _

_Sorry for the heavy._

_-Edward_

**To**: Edward Cullen

**From**: Isabella Swan

**Subject**: Re: News travels fast

_Good thinking about the gun. Knowing Charlie he probably has a gun hidden somewhere in his casts. Even if I wasn't here, Charlie has Sue now so he's never alone. That has always given me comfort in the years since I've been gone. I know you wouldn't have known that so I guess I should say thank you for making sure Charlie wasn't alone. _

_So you were there to say goodbye. I thought you said your goodbyes a long time ago._

_-Bella_

**To**: Isabella Swan

**From**: Edward Cullen

**Subject**: Never a goodbye

_I did. In a way. I can explain myself only if you'd let me._

_Edward_

**To**: Edward Cullen

**From**: Isabella Swan

**Subject**: Re: Never a goodbye

_I have some explaining to do myself. But not just yet. I can only handle a little at a time. Speaking of handling, I can't wait to get my hands on Jessica Stanley. I'm ready to handle that bitch._

_-Bella_

**To**: Isabella Swan

**From**: Edward Cullen

**Subject**: Some people never change

_Well, you know where she works. I'm sure your dad knows where she lives. Problem solved._

_-Edward_

**To**: Edward Cullen

**From**: Isabella Swan

**Subject**: Re: Some people never change

_Great, now I have a summer project. _

_-Bella_

**To**: Isabella Swan

**From**: Edward Cullen

**Subject**: Summer

_Are you planning on staying for the whole summer?_

_-Edward_

**To**: Edward Cullen

**From**: Isabella Swan

**Subject**: Re: Summer

_That was the plan. We'll see how long it takes before I feel like Forks is closing in on me and I need the salty air of the ocean again. Right now Forks isn't too bad._

_Then again, I haven't been back for too long._

_-Bella_

**To**: Isabella Swan

**From**: Edward Cullen

**Subject**: Ocean?

_Forks does have that tendency, huh? As beautiful as it looks sometimes the need to flee is overwhelming. So you've disappeared somewhere close to the ocean. _

_-Edward_

**To**: Edward Cullen

**From**: Isabella Swan

**Subject**: Re: Ocean?

_Florida. I bought a tiny, cozy cottage right on a private inlet. My troubles can disappear right along with the waves._

_-Bella_

**To**: Isabella Swan

**From**: Edward Cullen

**Subject**: Re: Re: Ocean?

_If you're in Florida then I'm guessing Renee isn't too far behind. I bet she's loving you being so close to her again._

_-Edward_

**To**: Edward Cullen

**From**: Isabella Swan

**Subject**: Family

_Renee doesn't live far at all. I think she's been hoping for me to live near her again ever since I left Arizona in high school. What about your family? Are you all close to each other?_

_-Bella_

**To**: Isabella Swan

**From**: Edward Cullen

**Subject**: Re: Family

_We've kind of scattered over the years but are still close enough to see each other fairly often. Emmett and Rose had their first child not too long after you left so my mother made sure not to let them go too far. I see Alice and Jasper the most because they're only about fifteen, twenty minutes away. Lucky me, right? _

_-Edward_

**To**: Edward Cullen

**From**: Isabella Swan

**Subject**: Yes, lucky you.

_Yes, I would say you are pretty lucky. I haven't realized how much I've missed Alice until I started seeing her again. She really is something._

_-Bella_

**To**: Isabella Swan

**From**: Edward Cullen

**Subject**: Yes, lucky me.

_You're right. Alice has been keeping my head above the water for longer than I can remember. Isn't it supposed to be the other way around? The older brother always looks out for the younger sister, am I wrong?_

_-Edward_

**To**: Edward Cullen

**From**: Isabella Swan

**Subject**: Re: Yes, lucky me.

_Everyone looks out for each other. Or you just look out for yourself._

_-Bella_

**To**: Isabella Swan

**From**: Edward Cullen

**Subject**: I've dropped the ball.

_Well, I've dropped the ball. I haven't looked out, or thought of, anyone for years. Not even myself._

_Well, that's not entirely true._

_I've only thought of one person._

_-Edward_

**To**: Edward Cullen

**From**: Isabella Swan

**Subject**: Re: I've dropped the ball.

_It's been a long day. Goodnight, Edward._

_-Bella_

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

**A/N: Soooo super sorry for the delay. I've been through a broken laptop, an ancient desktop computer that deleted my chapters too many times to count, my husband and I finding out we're expecting our first baby in September, and unplanned surgeries and hospital visits due to kidney issues. Needless to say, now that my head is out of the toilet and my kidney issues are somewhat under control, I'm happy to be feeling more like myself again, with a brand new laptop to boot! Expect frequent updates from here on out! Or at least until September when our little guy arrives**!


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